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The Story of Angel

Adam and I are both 21 years old. We are still newlyweds. We got pregnant and were elated. We both love children and couldn't wait to have our own. My chances of miscarriage were high because we got pregnant so soon after getting off the pill. After the first trimester we both were relieved. My tummy was beginning to show more and more. Around 14 weeks I felt twinges in my tummy that tickled. Being this was my first time, it took a couple of people's opinions before I figured out the baby was kicking. I bought a sound device to hear the baby with. We listened to her kicking every night. From the very minute we found out we were pregnant, I knew it was a girl. Mommy's intuition I guess. My parents were very excited to have their first grandbaby. The whole family was excited. But most of all Adam and I. At 16 1/2 weeks we went for our ultrasound. The radiologist took me back to take measurements. She took a long time. Finally she told me to get up. She said she saw something concerning and threw me out the door to get my husband, pushed us in the elevator and told us to go see our doctor. He told us the baby had an omphalocele, which is the bowels being outside of the stomach. He also said there could be a skull malformation. The doctor said the omphalocele could be fixed, that's not such bad news. But he didn't seem too concerned. He sent us to a specialist the next day. Not only did he say there was an omphalocele, but the baby had anencephaly. And it was a girl. They told us the baby would not live if I carried it to term. The risk of early labor or miscarriage was possible too. Infection risks for me were high. They strongly recommended for us to induce labor soon. I had an amniocentisis done and cried through it. The risk to me physically and emotionally was too great to chance. That night we went home and listened to our baby device and heard her kicking. Even though I knew she couldn't hear me, I talked to her all night. Prayed all night that she would be healthy and that I was dreaming. The next morning we had decided that we should do what the doctors had recommended. I called my doctor and he said to come down as soon as possible. They put me in the hospital that night and the next morning she was gone when I woke up. I remember feeling so empty. The next few weeks were sad, and emotional. Family and friends would come to visit, but not know what to say. They would comment, "You're young. You can have more children." They were right. But she will always be our first child. She will always be our Angel. The people that made the comments didn't know what it was like to lose a child. I envy them. I envy that they are ignorant to the fact that one child can't replace another. I hope none of them ever feel the pain. Two weeks later we went to the doctor for a check-up. The amnio results stated that the chromosome count was perfect and that it was definitely a girl. The good news was that there is a 98% chance of us having normal children some day. We named her Angel Grace. I finished what I could of her baby book and put the ultrasound tape and other momentos up for our other children to see. The other children we are going to try to have soon. Angel was a blessing. She is in Heaven with a perfect body and no sickness or hurting. After seeing pictures of an anencephaly infant and hearing stories of brave parents who carried to term, I know we did the right thing. I now know how hard was for God to give his only son to die and to watch as he suffered. It's something I could never have imagined happening to me. Today it has been 3 weeks. It has made Adam and I stronger, and brought us closer than ever. Our marriage is stronger and will stay strong because of what we've been through. We will have a perfect baby one day and it will be more appreciated and more loved than ever imagined.