Things your Children should Never See

• Charlotte's Website
• The Cat That Shat in the Hat: A Kid's Guide to Scatology
• Chicken Soup for the Kitchen Floor
• Jacking and Jilling: The Dummy's Guide to Masturbation
• What The Hell Is Mommy's Problem, Anyway?
• The Mouse, the Motorcycle, and the Organ Donor Card
• You're Different -- And All the Other Kids Hate You!
• The Big Book of Things to Put in Your Ear
• How to Write With Your Wee-Wee
• What's That Bag For, Grandpa?
• Tobacco Man vs. the FDA Gang
• Danny Dunn, Boy Scientist, and His Incredibly Profitable Internet Porn Site
• Gang Bang at Sunnybrook Farm
• George W. and His Bag of Magic Dust
• Grandma's Dead and Rotting: The Myth of Heaven
• Introduction to Pokemon Card Trading Tax Minimization Strategies
• Jon Benet's Guide to Dressing Up
• Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Gameboy(tm)
• Make Way for Boogers!
• My Worldly Wise, Airfare-Providing Teenage Friend From the Chat Room Who Likes Everything I Like
• Scream Until Mommy Buys This Book
• The Adventures of Touchy McGroinGroin
• The Big Book of Ethnic Cleansing
• Who's Your Daddy?
• Your Creator is Dead, Charlie Brown
• Are You My Court-Appointed Legal Guardian?
• Billy Boyce and his Magic Ass Crack
• Clifford the Big Red Dog and the Even Bigger Mack Truck
• Curious George Finds the NetNanny Password And Goes to Daddy's Bookmarks
• Green Eggs & e. Coli
• How to Perform Open Heart Surgery on Your Bratty Little Sister
• I Spy in Daddy's Secret Drawer
• I'm OK, You're A Doo-Doo Head
• Some Grownups are Bad: The Story of Lethal Injection
• The Happy Adventures of Phillip and Morris
• The Things That Come Out of My Body: A Scratch-n-Sniff Scrapbook
• What Lucy Needs is Some Hot Monkey Love, Charlie Brown
• Harry Potter and the Allegations of Plagiarism
• Everything I Ever Needed to Know I Learned in Ms. LeTourneau's Class
• Where in the New York Area is Jimmy Hoffa?
• The Unabomber Pop-Up Manifesto and Coloring Book
• The Frog Formerly Known as Prince
• Alice in WonderBraLand
• The Legend of Three-Card Monte
• 40 Whacks: Counting With Lizzie
• The Little Engine That Could, If Only That Damned Gout Would Go Away
• Girls Are From Venus, Boys Are From Cootieland
• Where the Wildings Are
• The Little Big Book of Necrophelia
• The J. Edgar Hoover Dress-Up Book
• Joe Camel and The Magic Cancer Stick
• The Crack House at Pooh Corner
• The Dummy's Guide to Crying
• When Mommy Leaves Daddy, And What You Did to Cause It
• Where's Waldo's Weewee?
• The Dyslexic's Big Anagram Book
• Barney's Bleeding and Nobody Can Help
• Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
• Furious George Delivers the Mail
• Horton Hires A Ho
• Where the Curly Red Fur Grows

• Sexual Oddities with Larry the Chicken
• 60 Minutes Sitting Silently in the Corner Thinking About What You Did
• Trenchcoat Mafia Ninja Turtles
• Fat Albert and the Cosby Crips
• Barney Humps an Eggplant
• Blue's Booze
• Michael Jackson's Magic Lap
• Pee Wee's Back Row Seat at the Moviehouse
• Steve Forbes's Totally Happenin' Teens Club
• Strom Thurmond's House O'Chores
• Teenage Mutant Binge and Purgers
• The "Help Me Find My Puppy" Show
• Tinky-Winky's Locker Room Shower Hour
• Touched by a Jackson
• Uncle Hank's "Our Special Secret We Won't Tell Your Parents" Show
• Bert and Ernie's Coming Out Party
• Jesus Hates You: Uncle Bob Jones Playtime
• Mighty-Morphin' Gay-Pride Rangers
• Mr. Roger's Secret Basement Neighborhood
• Shroom!
• Slobodan Milosovic's Playhouse
• The NRA Presents: If You Can't Pick a Trigger Lock, You *Deserve* to Have Your Lunch Money Taken
• XXX-Men
• Ritalin Boy and the Overfriendly Gym Teacher
• Bill Nye the Scientology Guy
• ABC Afterschool Special -- "Grandpa, I Said NO!"
• Little Crackhouse in the Projects
• The Strangers in a Car with Candy Hour
• Mr. Roger's Neighborhood's Reclusive Cat Lady, Gertie
• Bob Vila's Workalong Chore Fest
• Where in the World is My Biological Father?
• Curious George and His Emotional Rollercoaster
• Ritalin, the Mellow Clown Who Isn't Any Fun at All
• Touched by an Anvil -- The CBS Cartoon Hour

• A Lay In a Manger
• Oh Tanned Bum, Oh Tanned Bum
• Hot Breasts, Ye Merry Gentleman!
• Sniffy, The Red-Assed Christmas Baboon
• Messiah's Handle
• I Saw Mommy Whipping Santa Claus
• Hump! The Horny Angels Schwing
• O Christmas Tree... Oh, yes... Oh, yes... YES!! YES!!!!
• The Little Hummer Boy
• God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen -- For 20 Minutes, Then We Shoot the 3-Way
• Pet it Slow, Pet it Slow, Pet it Slow
• O Little Town of S&M
• Grandma Got Bent Over By A Reindeer
• Frosty the SheMan

• "101 Damnations"
• "20,000 Leagues Under the Earth"
• "Fantasia" (absolutely no drugs allowed)
• "The Unrescuables Down Under"
• "Ishtarzan"
• "Your Booty and the Beast"
• "That Darn Caterwauling!"
• "Where the Heck Are All the Dogs?"
• "Buttholes and Broomsticks"
• "Herpes, the Love Bug"
• "Nutty Blasphemer II: The Antichrists"
• "The Absent-Minded Tax Preparer"
• "Aladdin and the Unstoppable Eye-Gouging Machine"
• "James and the Giant Leech"
• "Runny the Pooh"
• "Beauty and the Psycho Ex-Boyfriend With a Pair of Night-Vision Binoculars"