Selected Anti-FAQ

"Much Truth Be Hidden in Jest"

Click Here for the original full-text Anit-FAQ Table of Contents

1. Should I buy a Series Rover or a Defender/Disco/RR?
   • To find the answer to this question, post one note explaining that you feel that Series Rover owners are backward technology fearing anal anoraks, then follow it with another note stating that you feel that Defender/Disco/RR owners are stuck up cel-phone heads who couldn't tell a lugnut from a macadamia nut. Ask everyone to respond to you direct, and watch your mailbox fill. (Be sure to cc Dixon Mike F) :-) [BM]
     
2. How do I stop the drips on my leaky transfer case?
   • First drain the oil. Then replace the plug. This should solve the problem. [BM]

    

3. How do I get my wife/husband to agree to purchasing a Land Rover?
   • You don't. Just buy it, get divorced, and then convince the judge to award you alimony to help support your "baby". [RS]

    

4. What is the best source for parts for a Land Rover?
   • Any Land Rover close enough to get there and back before sun-up, but far enough away that its owner doesn't know you. [RS]

    

5. How many Land Rover Owners does it take to change a lightbulb?
   • At least nine. The relative merits of genuine parts versus aftermarket products must be discussed, with of course, the consideration of the value of equivalent, common, american replacements, which leads to a lively symposium about the validity of non-original Land Rovers, degenerating into a heated argument about which particular Land Rover model is the best, incorporating, naturally, a joke about a Corgi or Dinky model being the best, starting a comparison of various miniature Land Rover collections, culminating with a trading frenzy, whilst the remaining participants rehash the benefits of cooking on a galvanized grill versus the resulting toxicity. Eventually the bulb *is* replaced, at which point, seeing as how it's Lucas Electrics, it promptly burns out again. [RS]

    

6. Which is the best Land Rover to own?
   • One you havent paid for yet. [MR]

    

7. How do I tell if I got one of the export Land Rovers with the zinc crankshafts?
   • This is best done by taste. You dip your finger up to the first joint in crankcase oil. If it has a sort of taste like chewing tinfoil (chew some to find out what it tastes like first), you are fine and have a proper steel crank.If it has a blackened-redfish taste to it, you have a zinc crank and should immediately buy a Buick. [RPR]

    

8. Are Land Rover Owners generally patient people?
   • Land Rover owners are very patient people If we weren't, we'd drive Buicks without Lucas electrical parts in them. I remember a bar in West Virginia where I waited almost 3 minutes for my beer before driving my Land Rover through the front doors and burning the place to the ground. But I hear Dixon has a temper, especially when he is out of Guinness. [RPR]

    

9. What about the Anti-Lock Brake System factory installed in Series Land Rovers?
   • Actually, Land Rover introduced a form of antilock braking system back in the late forties which deployed air pockets in the brake lines maintained by calibrated "leaks" around the seals and pipe unions. This forces the operator to pump the pedal 4 to 7 times before full pressure is achieved, thus keeping the wheels from locking up. This system was so succesful that it was maintained as standard in all series vehicles and early Range Rovers. It was also such a reliable system, it could always be counted on to work.
   • A new system, introduced within the last few years, is "ABS". This is really nothing more than an automated version of the original system. Once the pedal is depressed, the system automatically and rapidly pumps the brakes up. [RT]

    

10. Why are Land Rover tailights full of water?
    • This, in fact, is a standard feature of the "City" model as opposed to the "County". The Solihull design team correctly identified the need for water-cooled brake lights for use in city environments where the brake light is on for extended periods. It can be ordered from most LR outlets, as can the top-up kit consisting of:

      (a)One litre of Lens-Water
      (b)Utensils, pouring
      (c.) grease, dielectric. [ML]

    
    
    

    ---

    Copyright held by origional authors, FAQ Copyright, Dixon Kenner, 1995, 1996.
    Last modified 29 October 1996.
    Comments? Send mail to Dixon Kenner or Benjamin Smith