Interview Lady VII
The Never Ending Story: Continued
Note: This story is actually split into chapters (yay!)! Most chapters are 10-20 pages long (in size 10 font).
~Rainbow Stevie (Interview Lady) and Nat
THE INTERVIEW STATION
SF: Welcome back, folks! That’s right! This is your favorite radio DJ/host type Toko, Snowflake. I’m 12 inches high, pink, and single!
IL: *smacks him* Shut up and get on with it!
Nat: What happened to Fluffy?
SF: Oh…she dumped me because she thought I was just using her.
Nat: But you guys have 2,000+ children! What happens to them?
SF: We split them up. She gets all of them except 2.
IL: OK, I was going to tell you we have to get on with things, but now I’m intrigued. Which 2?
SF: I keep Snowball and Herman. Actually, I brought Herman in to work today. He’s in the hall.
Nat: Ooh! Let’s bring him in!
SF: If you’re sure…*calls* Herman! (a small black Toko struts through the door)
IL: Tokos come in black?
Herman: Wuz up? (his tongue is pierced)
SF: Behave yourself, Herman.
Herman: I told you, Pop. My name is Punk Toko. Call me P.T.
IL: Oooookay. Snowflake, your family just keeps getting weirder and weirder. (He shrugs) Well, we really must get back to business.
Nat: First of all, after several hours of debating, we decided to rename the show. It is now called N.A.I.L.S. for the Nat And Interview Lady Show.
IL: I still don’t like that name.
SF: I still don’t get why my name isn’t in there.
Nat: Because then we’d have to call it the Snowflake, Tai, T.K. Cody, Etc. Show and we’d have to include everyone.
Caller: You should call it N.I.L. for Nat/Interview Lady. It could also stand for how much the show is worth.
IL: Why is Nat’s name always first? And more importantly, who let in a caller?
Rod: *meekly* Me.
IL: I’ve warned you about those things.
Rod: But, pooky…
IL: What did I tell you about calling me that?
Rod: Sorry.
Nat: See, the ratings are plummeting. They don’t care about our PERSONAL lives. Let’s skip right to the intro.
SF: Well, I was trying to do that before YOU interrupted.
Nat: Me?? It was Interview Lady!
IL: Was not. It’s YOUR fault, Fluffball!
SF: *bristles* Say that to my face! (the three of them tussle and send up a cloud of dust until Rod bursts in)
Rod: Pooky! I’ll save you!
PT: I guess that leaves me to do the introduction. We’re here to harass a group of dumb kids who are currently stuck in a hospital because my dad crashed the bus they were in after they visited Valleyfair and…
SF: PT!
PT: Geeze, old man. Lighten up.
SF: Hey! If it wasn’t for me there wouldn’t even BE a NAILS show. I reunited them.
Nat: Yep, and then she united with Rod!
IL: *claws her way out of the fight* STOP SAYING THAT!
Nat: If you didn’t want me to talk about it on the radio, you shouldn’t have told me.
IL: I DIDN’T tell you.
PT: Natalie’s a stalker! Arrest her!
Nat: You little punk.
PT: I know, that’s the idea.
Nat: Anyway, I didn’t stalk you. I just felt like having coffee, and going to the library, and the park, and the restaurant at the same time as you. [Nat note: Look! Four dates now!]
IL: You don’t need to follow me around to get dating tips. Just ask the station manager out already.
Nat: Hey, hey, YOU liked Mr. Ice Blue Eyes.
IL: Oh! Oh! He has “ice” blue eyes??
Nat: Shut your mouth.
IL: Well, that’s not very nice of you.
Nat: Me? Nice? Have you been into the Pretty Colors AGAIN?
IL: It’s 9:00 in the morning! (Nat waits) Yes.
Nat: OK, is everyone ready to go? We only have 1 more day before those kids get out of the hospital, unless we find some money to bribe the doctors with so they stay there. And by find, I mean Snowflake and PT had better go play with the money-making machine.
SF: Such illegal activity.
IL: It’s also illegal to own dangerous wild animals, but here we are.
PT: You don’t own me! B****!
IL: No, technically you are all owned by Toei Animation. And don’t swear.
PT: Oh. Are you sure? Who are they?
Nat: Never mind. Your young Toko mind would never understand. Well, should we start?
PT: I already did the intro!
Nat: Yes, you did…but we need an “Official” Introduction.
IL: You’re starting to sound like Izzy.
Nat: Dang. Well, basically we took all the Digi Destined to Valleyfair for a fun-filled day of rides and sunshine! Sort of. Afterwards we were riding the bus back to the station when we almost hit a bus full of nuns and ended up in the ditch. The kids are still in the hospital and –
PT: That’s exactly what I said! Why wasn’t mine good enough?
Nat: It wasn’t “official.”
PT: No fair! (He tries to bite Nat, but she swats him away)
Nat: You have a lot to learn if you’re going to hang out in this station.
IL: You’ve ALL got a lot to learn about being radio hosts. I’ve been in the radio business for 10 years!
Nat: Three of which have been successful.
IL: Shut up.
PT: How often do you use that phrase?
IL: A lot. It’s one of the ways you can tell I’m a good host.
Nat: Or that you just suck at come-backs.
IL: Shut up.
Rod: OK, now I’M taking control of things.
SF: You’re nothing but a producer! A lowly producer! You walk around with my paw-print on your head!
IL: ARGH! That’s it, you’ve all screwed up our entrance. We go to the hospital. Now.
Rod: But –
IL: LEAVE. I happen to know where Nat left her flame-thrower. I’m not afraid to use it, either.
Nat: Well, as long as you found that, go get the Kung Pow Crayon Gun, and the Beanbag gun, and the –
IL: *conks her on the head* Rod, toss her in the back of the…er…Snowflake, which vehicle are we taking today?
SF: Oh…let’s go with the big semi. The one with the big tiger on the side that we “borrowed” from The Gardens.
IL: That’ll work.
Rod: Can I come too, Pooky?
IL: Well… (Rod gives her a big puppy-dog look) Oh, all right, but only because we’re going into non-station, non-commercial property and they probably won’t be too happy if I put up cameras every 5 feet.
Rod: Woohoo!
IL: And we need a designated driver and since you’re not legally allowed to drink…
Nat: *wakes up* Wha…where am I? Dang IL…at least I’m not tied up. *climbs into the cab of the semi*
What’s up?
Rod: I’m driving a 13-wheeler and I only have an R class D license!
Nat: 13 wheels, huh?
IL: Yup, we have 5 flat tires already. We decided we could last until we only have 4 wheels left.
Nat: How in the heck did we get 5 flat tires?
IL: Snowflake decided he needed a new chew toy.
SF: Hah! I was merely demonstrating to PT how to properly bite someone to inflict maximum pain.
PT: Rubber tastes good!
Nat: Tokomons have the strangest taste buds.
PT: Really? Says who? *pause* Hey look! We’re at a stoplight! Let’s do a Japanese fire drill.
IL: Which is?
PT: We all get out and run around our car…well, semi…and then we get back in again.
IL: And why would we do this?
PT: Um…
Rod: Sounds like fun!
IL: No…no Japanese fire drill.
Nat: You’d think that we would have heard about these things before now, you know, hanging out with all the Japanese kids as we do.
IL: They’re usually too busy fighting, hacking, whining, or chewing on someone else’s hair.
PT: Sounds yummy! By the way, are we there yet? You guys are really boring.
Nat: Excuse me? *glares*
PT: I meant…did you know “boring” is Japanese for “very exciting?”
Nat: Yeah…this show is very educational. We learn all sorts of Japanese phrases.
IL: We should have brought the Magic School Bus. Regular driving is so slow.
Nat: You forget, the bus got crushed.
SF: How did you guys ever obtain that thing in the first place? Ms. Frizzle and her kids took a field trip on it like every day.
IL: Exactly. Frizzle got fired for wasting class time. Her kids never learned about anything except science and scientific writing, which is why they kept repeating 3rd grade.
SF: And how did you get the bus?
IL: Let’s just say she was pretty desperate when I offered her $5.
PT: You bought a bus for $5?! How much did you spend on THIS thing?
IL: I told you, we borrowed it.
PT: Thievery. I like it.
Rod: OMG! (he slams on the brakes, sending everyone flying forward)
IL: *smacks him* What the hell was that for?
Rod: Well, look! (He points to two rabbits by the side of the road, happily munching dandelions)
IL: Um…so?
Rod: Well, they ran across the road!
IL: I repeat myself: Um…so?
Rod: *looks offended* I couldn’t hit them!
IL: Why not?
Rod: They’re living creatures! They have feelings too!
Caller 1: Yeah! I agree totally, Rod! Good show!
IL: *Glares at Nat, who twiddles her thumbs and whistles innocently* “Good show?” What are you, British?
Caller 1: Yep! Right-O! Well, I better be shoving off. It’s time for me to grab a spot of tea! *hangs up*
Nat: OK, that was disturbing.
IL: When will you learn your lesson about callers? *Nat shrugs innocently*
Caller 2: Actually, that Rod guy should have hit the rabbits.
Rod: Why?
Caller 2: Well, you see, it would actually help the species survive. By getting rid of the stupid ones, not only is there more available food for the strong, healthy and smart ones, but it furthers the evolutionary development of rabbits.
Rod: Huh?
Caller 2: If you kill the stupid ones, they can’t have stupid rabbit babies and only the smart ones will reproduce, therefore passing on their knowledge to their children. Eventually, the problem of roadkill will be solved by Mother Nature! Therefore…(IL unplugs the phone)
[a/n: The entire rabbit segment was contributed by one of Nat’s dreams]
IL: No more callers, besides, we’re here!
Rod: Oh, goody, the hospital! Can I get out and do the interviews??
IL: You of all people should know Interview Lady doesn’t conduct “interviews.”
Nat: Yeah, you are going to set up the hidden cameras and run the ham radio from in here.
Rod: But…
IL: Just do it.
MATT’S ROOM AT HOSPITAL
Matt: *Muttering to himself, trying not to breathe, staring up at the ceiling* I am alone. I am not here. I am at Calmwood, and the thing wrapped around me is a straitjacket. The walls are white, the ceiling is white, the floor is white, and the door is locked and barred. I will not scream and awaken the creature. I feel nothing. I am calm. (Jun has broken out of her room and is firmly wrapped around his neck, asleep. Still sound asleep, she leans over and kisses Matt. His eyes snap shut and we can tell that he’s praying for death. He tries to wriggle away, but Jun stays firmly attached. Finally, Matt manages to roll Jun away – but then he rolls out of bed. The “thump” as he hits the floor wakes up Jun and brings a nurse.
Jun: Hi Matt! Is it morning already?
Matt: *loses control* OHMYGODHELP! INTRUDER!
Jun: Where??
Nurse: Excuse me, Miss, you can’t be in here. You are assigned to Room 27403. It’s downstairs and to the right.
Jun: How did you know?
Nurse: It’s on your hospital ID bracelet.
Jun: Oh. I get it.
Nurse: Now, are you going to return to your room or do I have to escort you down there myself?
Jun: Oh all right, I guess I’ll go. (On her way out, she turns and winks at Matt)
Matt: Um, Nurse Lady? Could you stand guard outside my door?
Nurse: I have a lot of patients today, but I’ll keep an eye out, if you want.
Matt: Oh, thankyouthankyouthankyou! (Privately, he wonders if one nurse is enough to keep Jun out)
~5 minutes later~
*Tap, tap, tap*
Matt: Huh? What’s that? (He looks around and spots a window-cleaning guy outside the window. To his horror, Jun is with him, smiling and waving) Oh NOOO!!! Help! Nurse! Wait, I have a page button for the nurse attached to my bed. (He yanks it up only to find that cord has been severed) AHHHH!!!
Jun: *Climbing in the window* Hi Mattsy! I came to see you! That mean old nurse won’t find me this time. I’ll stay with you until you’re ALL better. *Gives him a big hug*
Matt: *Smothered* Help me!
JOE’S ROOM
Joe: (Lying bandaged in his hospital room, quaking and hyperventilating) Help…help…
Doctor: Good morning, how are you?
Joe: YOU CAN’T CUT ME UP FOR MY ORGANS!! THEY’RE MINE! BACK OFF OR ELSE!
*bursts into tears* I dissect things, I shouldn’t be dissected! Please don’t kill me, I’ll do anything.
Doctor: Um…yes. I assume that you’re Joe? (Joe is silent) Sir?
Joe: My name’s Tai Wain, ask me again and I’ll tell you the same!
Doctor: Oh, you’re Tai? Well, in that case, you need this lucidity-inducing injection. The nurses are becoming a bit disturbed by the way you scream SNOWBALL DEMON and hit your hair in your sleep.
Joe: No needles! No – ooh!
Doctor: See you later.
Joe: They’re still going to kill me! They’re going to get me! I need to get out of here…
Squeaky Mouse: You have a REAL self esteem problem.
Joe: Ah! Who said that?!
Squeaky Mouse: It’s me! Your incredibly cute and squeaky friend, Squeaky Mouse!
Joe: I’m not insane. I’m not insane.
SM: Joe, I just want you to know that you’re no longer alone. I will help you get through everything from now on.
Joe: OK, see, you just said you were a MOUSE…
SM: And I’m braver than you.
Joe: Oh yeah?
SM: Hey, I dare you something. I bet you’re too scared to sit up and scream “SQUEAKY MOUSE IS A HERO!” as loudly as you can.
Joe: Watch me. “SQUEAKY MOUSE IS A HERO!”
SM: Wow, that sounded really good.
Doctor: Nurse, I thought I told you to give him the lucidity injection!
Nurse: YOU gave him the shot. I already listen to him scream about snowballs all the time. How many demons can there BE in his head?
Doctor: *Goes in* Son, you need to calm down.
Joe: Oh, hi. Do you like my friend, Squeaky Mouse?
Doctor: Sure! In fact, I like him so much that you two get to go to a better room.
Joe: Squeaky Mouse, you’re the coolest!
Doctor: Yep, it’s called the IPT, for Intense Psyche Treatment. It has pretty, padded walls.
Joe: What?! No! It wasn’t me! It was SQUEAKY MOUSE!
SM: Heeheehee.
IZZY’S ROOM
Izzy: Heeheehee. My techno-Izone-dookicky-thing is now complete! I shall now control the entire spectrum of hospital television channels! And I built it with just one hand! I will be the first one to ever to take over a hospital! Now to turn on the TV and get started. (He switches on the TV with the bedside remotes. Pieces of dismantled hospital equipment surround him)
TV: Hello, and welcome to the Ken Ichijouji Show hosted at your very own Zeus Hospital! Today we will be taking callers who will give me either compliments on how smart/talented I am, or sharing your thoughts on plots to take over the world.
Izzy: What? (He changes the channel: Ken’s face smiles back) No, I’ll try Channel 01, he can’t have gotten to that yet. (He has) No! Channel 13, 11, 1037?? NOOO! It’s not fair! Now I have to build a device to join his TV controller. That’ll take at least an hour, but I don’t have the parts! Nurse! (He presses the bedside ‘Page Nurse’ button. In comes a nurse with two red pigtails looped up on the side of her head)
Nurse: How can I help you? My name is Nurse Joy.
Chansey: Chansey!
Izzy: OK, first, what’s that Digimon thing doing here?
Joy: What Digi Thing? (Turns around) I don’t see anything.
Chansey: Chansey!
Izzy: Don’t you see a big, round, pink Digimon behind you?
Joy: Um…no…can you hang on a second? (She runs out the door and Izzy can hear whispers. The only words that he can make out are “seeing things” and “lucidity injection”)
Joy: All right, I’m back. The doctor needs to see you in a few minutes. Now, what did you need?
Izzy: I need a transfluxinator and a monkey wrench.
Joy: Um, what?
Izzy: Never mind then, just get the wrench and I’ll be fine.
Joy: Ooookay then. (Quickly leaves)
Izzy: Now to get to work!
TAI’S ROOM
Tai: *Jerking in his sleep* Snowball! Demon-Snowball! *smacks hair*
SB: OW! *bites him*
Tai: *wakes up* What?? No! You were dead! We crashed, and I hit my head, so you died!
SB: Please, Tai. I was in your HAIR. It’s five layers thicker than the top-rated airbag.
Tai: Honest, I’m going to shave my head.
SB: That’d be funny. And I bet that 5 seconds later, they’d send you to IPT.
Tai: IPT?
SB: Inten -- *pause* Infinite-lack-of Pink Tokomons.
Tai: Really?? Hot dog! Gimme some scissors!
SB: Sorry, I don’t have any. Maybe you could page the nurse.
Tai: Good idea! *presses a button*
Nurse: What do you need?
SB: A brain.
Tai: *smacks his hair* Shut up, Snowball. I need – hey! Where did she go?
Nurse: DOCTOR! There’s another one!
Tai: Thanks a lot, Idiot. Hm…hey, why don’t you chew it off?
SB: No way in the Digiworld.
Tai: Hm…*looks around* *gasp* The window!
SB: You’d cut your hand.
Tai: No I wouldn’t. Are you tucked in all nice and cozy up there?
SB: Why?
Tai: So you can protect my skull in case this doesn’t work.
SB: Hey –no—AH! (Tai lowers his heads and smashed into the window. Snowball shrieks as he tumbles out the broken window to a bush below. Tai doesn’t notice, and happily grabs a piece of broken glass.) Bye, Snowball! (He begins sawing giddily at his hair. Soon, all the tresses are shorn to a fuzz around his head approximately 1/8th of an inch tall. Finished, he stands up triumphantly. Snowball? Where are you…he’s gone! YES! WOOHOO! I WIN, I WIN! (Catching sight of his reflection, the grin fades)
MY HAIR! OH MY GOD! WHAT HAPPENED?! (He rummages through the drawers until he finds some glue)
*Laughing insanely* It’s not ruined! It’s fine! I fix all! (He dumps glues on his head, then slaps the scraps of hair back on. In the end, he has a ragged mass all over his scalp. The nurse comes in and sees a wild looking kid with a piece of sharp glass in one hand and the other stuck on his head)
Nurse: DOCTOR!
Doctor: OK Kid, you’re going to IPT.
Tai: Yay!!
Doctor: Finally, a little cooperation.
KEN’S ROOM
Ken: Ahh, there’s nothing like the satisfaction of watching your own TV show dozens of times in a row! (He flicks on his TV again) I think I’ll watch it again! Huh? Izzy! What are you doing on my TV show?? (Ken’s face is on the screen, but Izzy’s voice can be heard instead of Ken’s)
Izzy: This is your host, Izzy Izumi, with…wait a second…AHH, the picture! Damn you, Ken! I mean…this is your host, Ken! I would like to inform you all that I have a big ugly head and I failed Kindergarten twice.
Ken: It wasn’t my fault! My brother had just disappeared, I wasn’t emotionally ready for the pressures of a social life at school! *Sobs* I want my mommy!
Izzy: And another thing. In about an hour, I will be giving up the rights of my hospital air time to the brilliant Izzy, whom I worship and adore. You should all kiss the ground he walks on, just like I do.
(Ken’s voice returns) And that’s the end of your show! We hope to see you again next time, in about 5 minutes when this show will be replayed. Don’t we all love reruns?
Ken: That ******* I’ll get him for this!
JOE’S ROOM
Joe: Squeaky Mouse! I’m gonna get you for this!
[a/n: You ever notice how the last line of one scene is often the first line of the next one? Coincidence, I swear…]
SM: What?
Joe: Now they all think I’m insane! I’m in a padded rubber room!
SM: I would have thought you’d appreciate the safety considerations.
Joe: Not really. (The door opens) Who’s that?
(A figure rushes in waving one arm around. The other arm is attached to its head)
Tai: Joe! Guess what??? There’s never, ever, ever going to be another Tokomon in my hair again! We’re in the IPT! That means Infinite-lack-of – what?
Joe: AHHHH!!!! *runs across the room* Nurse! Squeaky Mouse! A MONSTER!
Tai: Huh? Monster – but I got RID of Snowball. *gasps* Is it INTERVIEW LADY?!
Joe: Are you…Davis?
Tai: HAH! No, I’m Tai. Duh. HELLO.
Joe: Oh. I didn’t recognize you. Did you have brain surgery or something? Is that why your hair is gone?
Tai: What do you mean?? I still have my hair, see?
Joe: And they put me in here for psyche treatment.
Tai: Psyche treatment?
OUTSIDE
IL: OK, here’s the plan. We locate all the kids, remove them from the hospital rooms, drag them back to the Torture Studio, and that’s all I’ve got.
Nat: Absolutely not! We’re in a hospital. This is the funniest setting you could ask for.
TK’S ROOM
TK: What’s that?
Doctor: It’s a stethoscope.
TK: Is it dirty?
Doctor: No, actually, it’s been sterilized so that it’s perfectly clean.
TK: Oh. What’s that? *points*
Doctor: It’s a medical hammer.
TK: Is IT dirty?
Doctor: No.
TK: Darn it. Let’s see…*picks up the remote and turns on the TV*
Izzy: “…so as you can see, I have now completely screwed over Ken’s station…”
TK: OOH! DIRTY!
Doctor: Yes. Of course. *shakes head and leaves* ALL of those kids must have hit their heads harder than we thought…
MIMI’S ROOM
Nurse 3: Good morning, Ms. Tachikwa. Would you care for some breakfast?
Mimi: Oh, yes. I’m starved.
Nurse 3: You certainly look like it! Here you are. (She sets down a plate with 3 big buttermilk pancakes, a container of butter, a small maple syrup pitcher, and a container of fresh blueberries, plus some orange juice)
Mimi: (To herself) Man! How many kids are in this wing; they’ve got a giant buffet! (She takes 2 blueberries and puts a microscopic dot of syrup on a half-dollar sized portion of a pancake)
That was delicious! I’m stuffed!
Nurse 3: Huh? But you only had 2 bites.
Mimi: I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be a pig.
Nurse 3: Well…I suppose it IS hospital food, it’s understandable if you don’t want to finish it, but you should eat a little more to regain your strength from surgery. *leaves*
Mimi: I had surgery? Oh good, they must have given me the liposuction I asked for! I wonder what size I am now? *checks the tag on her hospital gown* A size ONE?! AFTER surgery?? OH MY GOD! I MUST HAVE BEEN HUGE!
SORA’S ROOM
Sora: Lalala…hum de dum dum…lalala…
Nurse 2: OMG! You little…what have you done??
Sora: Oh, I decorated the room. (The once sparkling white room has been “decorated” on every square inch with smiley faces, flowers, and murals of strange animals and plants)
Nurse 2: You said you wanted to decorate your casts…but how in the heck did you manage to draw on the walls and ceilings and counters and….and I’ve only been gone for half an hour! AND you have 2 broken legs! How did you do it?
Sora: *Shrugs* I don’t know.
Nurse 2: *Peers at one of the many scenes on the wall* Um…what are these pictures of?
Sora: Oh, those. Well, that one’s a picture of how us Digi Destined got sucked into an alter-dimension called the Digiworld where we met our Digimon. See, there’s mine. She’s Biyomon, but she changes into this huge orange Digimon named Birdramon. She was my best friend until Gatomon ate her…see, that’s her over there. And see those 2 demon women? Those are Interview Lady and Nat. They like to torture us Digi Destined, you see? And we all went to Valleyfair with them – I drew that over in the corner – and…
Nurse 2: (As she listens in awe) Don’t you ever need to take a breath? Um…here’s your meal…I need to discuss this with a doctor…um, you said those things really happened to you?
Sora: Yep! Ask any one of the Digi Destined!
Nurse 2: OK….*Runs out the door*
Sora: *Takes the cover off her plate* *gasps and screams* Blueberries?? How could you? The poor blueberry bushes! I refuse to eat this!
Nurse 2: And then she started talking about two imaginary devil women who chase her and her friends!
Doctor: I see.
Sora: I refuse to eat blueberries or any other plant or anything that has touched a dead plant. You can’t make me!
Nurse: I tell you, Doctor, she’s a prime candidate for the IPT. She could hurt herself.
Doctor: Sora, listen to me. Did you travel to another world?
Sora: Yes.
Doctor: Do you have an imaginary bird friend?
Sora: She wasn’t imaginary, she was eaten.
Doctor: (To nurse 2) Bring down the team. We’ll need to transport her immediately.
ROOM OF DAVIS
Davis: (Tossing his head back and forth, almost awake) Mm…blankie! (He draws the sheets up to his mouth and sucks on them) Jun, give me a good night kiss! Thank you! (He grabs the nearest object and kisses it)
SB: Ew! Let me go, let me go, let me go!
Davis: *Jerks awake with lips on a Tokomon* EUW! GROSS!!!!
SB: ME?! Obviously, you are the one with a perverted need to clamp your lips on the nearest living being!
Davis: Well, I wasn’t TRYING to! I dreamed I was kissing Kari! And anyway, what are you doing in my roo– NO! *Clamps the pillowcase over his head* You can’t live in my hair! I won’t let you! Back, ye foul beast! Ye clodsucking nitbrain! I’m not stupid like Tai!
SB: I noticed. You’re much more cretinous.
Davis: Thanks.
SB: Anyway, I wouldn’t want to live in your dirty brown buzz cut. I just happened to find your room first after Tai THREW ME OUT THE WINDOW.
Davis: He did?? I mean…how awful.
SB: Yeah, I’m sure you’re crying your eyes out. I just came to ask you where I might find Matt’s room.
Davis: He can’t have you AND Jun at the same time! That’s diabolical!
SB: What do you think “snow” MEANS in Japanese?
Davis: Uh…darn it! I’ve spent too much time trapped by Interview Lady! I forgot how to speak Japadese!
SB: Since when did you know Japadese?
Davis: See??
SB: Look, do you know where Matt is or don’t you?
Davis: Look at me! My head is bandaged and my feet are broken and I JUST KISSED A FILTHY TOKOMON!
SB: You’re also bleeding.
Davis: Huh?
SB: Tai threw me into the rose bushes. I saved some thorns just for you.
Davis: NURSE!
SB: Hehehe -- *catches sight of a semi pulling into the hospital lot*
Ooh! IL and Dad and Nat! *runs off* Have fun in the IPT!
Davis: IP what? Oh, hi Nurse.
Nurse: Say one word about snow, and I’m going to smother you with your own pillow.
Davis: Oh. Well, uh, in that case, I’d just like you to open the windows, please.
Nurse: Our windows don’t open. They’re sealed shut due to the *cough* tendency of people to leap out of them.
Davis: What? Well then, how did Tai throw Snowball…no! I didn’t say it!
Nurse: All right boys, cart him down! *Crabbe and Goyle appear in Hospital Security Guard uniforms*
Davis: No! You’re working for Interview Lady and Nat, aren’t you?? They’ve expanded their web of evil! They’ve corrupted America’s HOSPITALS! They’ve probably even taken over the fast food restaurants!
Nurse: Pretty Colors Tranquilizer. Now.
Davis: I KNEW it! You evil…whee-hee, this is fun! I’ve never had Pretty Colors before, see them spinning round and round… *Gets carted off*
HOSPITAL DOORS
IL: All right, we finally got here, despite Rod’s incredible lack of direction. Do we have our Evil Torture Plan ready?
Nat: OH yes. Cranium. Everything’s all set. *Pats the game*
PT: A BOARD GAME?! How stupid is that? You said we drove them insane and made them cry for their mommies!
Nat: PT, maybe you forgot to listen to my show. The one where they played a form of “Jeopardy” while trapped in Plexiglas booths capable of delivering electrical shock.
PT: Ooh, electrical shock! I wanna do that!
IL: Whatever. Trust me, any time we get them together in teams answering questions is a laugh riot.
Rod: So, what are we going to do about getting them out of the hospital and into our truck?
SF: Well, we left Snowball in Tai’s hair. With any luck, he’s freaked out the doctors and they’ll be begging us to take him away – which we’ll do only with the kids.
IL: OK. *Walks up to front desk and clears throat* Hello, I’m Agatha Christie.
Receptionist: Really?? Oh, I’m such a huge, huge fan of yours!
IL: Good. Listen, I’m doing some research for my next book, and I’d like to see the following people. *Drops list of 13 names on desk*
Receptionist: Oh…I’m afraid that half of these patients are in Intense Psyche Treatment.
IL: Only half?
Receptionist: Yes, and we don’t allow visitors to the IPT. I could lose my job.
IL: But I thought you were a huge fan of mine.
Receptionist: Well…
IL: What if I give you a signed copy of my next book?
Receptionist: OK! Right this way!
IL: See, Nat, I told you we’d have no trouble.
Nat: How can she be a huge fan without knowing what Agatha Christie looks like? Or that she’s dead?
IL: Who cares? (Suddenly, a little pink shape bumps into their heels) Is that you, Snowball?
SB: *beams* Yep! And guess what?? While I was waiting for you to get here, I drove Tai insane! AND I was indirectly responsible for Tai and Davis being thrown in the IPT! Know why Tai’s there?! Because I made him so crazy, he cut off all his hair!
IL: Good job.
Nat: You did what?!?! Don’t you know that about 1/3 of our viewing audience only watches the show because of him and his big hair?
SB: Oops.
IZZY’S ROOM
Izzy: That damn clovish chithead Ken! He’s stolen my airwaves! Why must I be plagued by idiots with better technology? *Shouts* Nurse! Bring me a screwdriver and a remote control and a small car engine, please!
Ken, on TV: And now for a change of pace, I will be discussing my life’s story. I was born on…
Izzy: Must stay awake…must finish machine…must…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……
Ken, on TV: …and that’s how I knew I was destined to be the emperor of this parallel dimension…
Nurse 2: Doctor? Are you watching this?
Doctor: Yep, that kid hit his head WAY too hard in that bus crash. We’ll need to transport him. *Speaks into a walkie-talkie*
Ken’s voice: Nooo…this room is private quarters! No…not the needle! Not the needle! AHHH!! *Crash* (The TV in Izzy’s room goes blank)
IPT
Ken: Nooo…I refuse to go! You’ll never take me alive! You’ll…(He flies through the air into a padded room, and the door slams shut) Dang it.
Joe: Oh, hello Ken! Welcome to the IPT.
Sora: Did you bring any crayons with you? They wouldn’t let me bring mine. They called them dangerous objects.
Ken: No, sorry.
Tai: *Waves his free arm frantically* HI KEN!
Ken: Um, hello to you too…who are you?
Tai: I’m Tai, duh. Aren’t I the only one you know who has 17-inch-long hair?
Ken: Actually, you don’t…(Joe whispers something to him) I mean, Jun and Mimi have really long hair too.
Voice from the Corner: Graaandpaaa….I’m soooooorrryyy… *sniffle* I didn’t meeeeeann it….
Joe: Is that Cody? I didn’t even realize he was back there in that dark corner.
Squeaky Mouse: You must be blind.
Joe: Shut up, Squeaky Mouse. It’s all your fault we’re in here anyway.
Ken: Joe, are you okay?
Joe: Fine, just as fine as you are, anyway.
Ken: Sure…
IZZY’S ROOM
Nat: Izzy! Izzy, wake up!
Izzy: Huh?
Nat: It’s me, Nat, and IL too.
Izzy: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! (muffled) MMMMMM…
Nat: Shut up. We need you to do us a favor.
Izzy: Never!
IL: I wouldn’t be so sure. (She holds up Izzy’s laptop and a sparking yellow rodent) You wouldn’t want your PC to be permanently fried, would you?
Izzy: Stop! I’ll do anything.
IL: I thought so.
Nat: We need you to hack into the hospital computers so that we can find the other kids’ rooms.
Izzy: Sure, but, how did you know where mine was?
IL: Do you think you’re the only one who knows how to set up hidden cameras via a computer?
Izzy: Well, yeah.
IL: We’ve evidently gotten smarter since you and I last met.
Nat: *Whack* We were always smarter than them.
Izzy: I beg to differ.
IL: You’ll be begging for your life if you don’t tell me where those other kids are.
SF: *Whispers in her ear* Physical threats don’t faze him.
IL: Not even Pikachu threats?
SF: Trust me, this way is more amusing.
That’s OK, Izzy. I know it’s a complicated process. Rod here will know how to do it.
Izzy: Who is this “Rod?”
Nat: Ooh! IL’s –
IL: PRODUCER.
Izzy: What?
IL: Come on, Rod, you know how to do it, right?
Izzy: Are you insane? Radio producers are idiots! They know nothing!
Rod: Um…*catches on* Oh, yeah. Come here, kid, and Ill show you how it works. *Holds up Izzy’s laptop* See, this is a computer. It’s very sophisticated. You don’t even have to plug it in. Cool, huh?
Izzy: I know how to work my own computer, Lamebrain. Give it here! (He grabs it and pulls up the main hospital screen, then proceeds to hack into the data files. Snowflake claps paw/hand with IL)
There, see? Here they are:
Davis: IPT
Cody: IPT
Tai: IPT
Matt: Room 212
Sora: IPT
Mimi: IPT
TK: Room 218 *Note* Do not bring in or even mention “dirty” items.
Yolei: Hospital cafeteria
Kari: Assigned to Room 219, but frequently visits rooms of other male patients
Jun: Escaped from Room 27403, Search party assembled. (Izzy: Gee, I wonder where she could be.)
Ken: IPT
Joe: IPT
Izzy: Prime candidate for IPT
Izzy: Sheesh, what’s with all the IPT crap? Oh, whoa! Ken’s in there! It must stand for “Intelligent Persons Temple”! Let me in!
IL: I love whoever came up with that abbreviation.
Nat: Well, to make this easier, why don’t we just *coughbribecough* the doctors into sending the rest of the kids to the IPT so we can round them up and bring them to work?
Izzy: What?
IL: Cover your ears or I’ll fry the computer. (Izzy clamps his hands over his ears and hums to himself)
PT: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Weren’t these kids all horribly injured in a bus crash?
IL: Hm, you would think so.
PT: Considering they’re ALL IN A HOSPITAL?
IL: Allow me to introduce Madam Pomfrey, our resident witch-nurse.
PT: Of course.
TK’S ROOM
TK: (Pawing through the drawers in his room) Dirty, dirty, dirty! I know there’s dirt! I just have to find it! *Crawls on the floor* Damn! What the hell is wrong with this hospital?!
Nurse 3: Ahem.
TK: Ooh! Let me see your shoes! Everyone has dirt on their shoes! *Rips one off* WHAT?!
Nurse: These are sterilized tissue hospital slippers. They’re very clean, I promise.
TK: AHHH!
Nurse: Now, don’t worry, I’m going to take you to a place where nothing is EVER dirty.
TK: NOOOOOO!!!! *Gets dragged off by 2 guards*
MATT’S ROOM
Jun: *Giggles* Isn’t this fun, Matt? This is what it will be like when we’re married!
Matt: We’ll have a narrow, 1-person bed with bars on the sides, wearing hospital gowns?
Jun: No, silly! All snuggled up close!
Matt: Excuse me while I hurl.
Jun: Ooh, I’ll hold your hair back!
Matt: Now I actually feel sick.
(The door bursts open and 3 doctors plus a SWAT team in full riot gear surround them, pointing guns and hypodermic needles)
Doctor: There she is! Get her!
Jun: No way! MY Matt!
Doctor 2: She’s been crawling through the air ducts in her relentless pursuit of that young man! IPT plus 5-point-restraint! (A guard shoots her with a tranquilizer gun)
Matt: ONE?? Please. I have to shoot two of those things at her every morning just to get her to loosen her death grip on me. *Barrage of 20 darts hits Jun*
Matt: OK, move fast, you’ve got 8 or 9 minutes before she wakes up.
Doctor: She goes after you day and night, but you haven’t killed her yet? *Snaps fingers* IPT, right here!
Matt: What?? NO! It’s not like I haven’t TRIED! Ask anyone! I hit her with a club! I poisoned her! I drowned her! I…*Gets dragged away*
RANDOM ROOM
Kari: So, Kevin, what are you doing on Saturday? If you’re feeling better, maybe we could go out on a date.
Kevin: … … …
Kari: Oh, you’re just shy. That’s so cute. You’ll get over how wonderful I am and you’ll be back to normal in no time.
Kevin: … … …
Kari: Why won’t you talk to me? I’m a very nice person. Hey! Look at me when I’m talking to you!
Kevin: … … …
Doctor: Ahem, Ma’am? Are you aware that Mr. Kevin is in a coma? He can’t hear you.
Kari: *brightens* Why hello, Doctor! *Slides up to him* You know who you remind me of? That hot young thing on ER.
Doctor: Excuse me?
Kari: You know, the one who…
Doctor: MISS! I am shocked by your behavior. You are a patient here and I think it’s time you went back to your room.
Kari: You’ve been a bad doctor. Go to my room!
Doctor: NURSE! We have a patient making obscene comments to the hospital personnel!
Nurse: Well, well, if it isn’t the young Ms. Kamiya. I should have known.
Doctor: I think you know how to handle this.
Nurse: IPT?
Doctor: Naturally.
IZZY’S ROOM
Izzy: Oh, I don’t believe this. Now EVERYONE’S in the IPT except me!
IL: Really? Well, you know what that means.
Izzy: *Suspiciously* What?
Nat: Oh, nothing, nothing at all. (Snowflake jumps up from behind and hits Izzy in the back of the head with a hammer held between his teeth)
IL: Nice job.
SF: I know. Now, help me stick him in a body bag so it doesn’t look too suspicious.
IL: Right, that’ll look completely normal.
Nat: Snowflake! Did you kill him?! BAD Toko!
SF: Of course not. But how else do we transport him to IPT and then the truck?
IL: Hm…
(Within a few minutes, two “nurses” are pushing a “comatose” boy in a “hospital rolling bed thing,” accompanied by a “doctor” and a noticeably lumpy, talking pillow)
SB: Hey! Your gross tongue stud just stabbed me! Close your mouth!
PT: Bite me, Nark.
SF: Boys! Stop fighting, or no more snow cones, EVER!
SB: It’s not my fault Tai threw me off his head.
SF: Just stop it.
IL: Hey! Shut up, all of you. Pillows don’t talk.
PT: I’ll bet you don’t think they BITE either. (Teeth suddenly seem to grow from the cloth)
SF: HERMAN!
Nat: If all 3 of you don’t shut up this instant, you will STAY in that pillow for the remainder of the show.
SB: *huffs* Fine.
PT: *mumbles* Nark.
SB: YOU’RE a nark.
Nat: What did I JUST say?
IL: Oh good, here it is.
INTENSE PSYCHOLOGICAL TREATMENT WARD Enter at own risk
Enter with death wish
Nat: Looks like their minds are just dysfunctional enough to start the show!
Rod: Hey, cool, no guards! I mean, except for the 15 dead-bolts and, according to the sign, 6 steel doors.
IL: So? *pulls out the mini pocket laser*
Nat: Has Izzy forgotten about that?
IL: I think so. *Cuts down the doors, revealing the kids inside*
*The room is very dimly lit, with only 1 small window at the very top, which is covered by heavy iron bars. The walls were heavily padded, but several are ripped open with stuffing poking out)
Squeaky Mouse: Joe, look! It’s your best friends! IL and Nat!
Joe: Noooo. Wait. SHUT UP, Squeaky Mouse.
Squeaky Mouse: Well, run and give them a hug now, like a good boy.
Joe: No, that’s OK. I don’t want to.
Squeaky Mouse: DO IT NOW!!
Joe: AHHH! (he runs at Nat and throws his arms around her waist) *looks up* AHHH!!!
Nat: AHHH!
Joe: AHHH! (Nat shoves him away)
SB: I would call that insane enough to be on the show.
Tai: No! You said there couldn’t be any Tokos here! You LIED!!! Help me! Heelllp!!!
SB: Humph! You don’t have big fluffy hair anymore. I think I’d rather sit in…Jun’s hair!
Jun: What?
SB: *Settles himself in* Ah! This IS an awful lot like Tai’s old hair but more mousse.
Tai: No one uses more mousse than me!
Davis: Where did you find a MOOSE?
IL: There are many moose Minnesota.
Sora: Shouldn’t the plural of moose be meese? Like geese?
Jun: Ew, Matt! Help me get this thing out!
Matt: Get away from me! Now, not only are you perverted, obsessive, and ugly, you’re also infested!
Davis: Yeah, her hair actually qualifies as a rat’s nest!
TK: Oooh! A dirty rat!
Nat: I say we LEAVE TK in the IPT.
TK: NO! Not IPT! I’ll go anywhere except IPT!!!
Kari: Sh! IPT is much better than that awful interview station.
IL: That’s the kind of statement you’ll regret saying when you actually get to the interview station.
Nat: I’m getting impatient. Let’s get a head count and get out of here. LINE UP! (the children stare at her blankly)
Izzy: Like we’re gonna just make it easier for you. It’s stupid, so why should we listen?
Nat: NOW.
(All the kids except Izzy run to make a line and stand at attention)
Izzy: I won’t! I helped you find everyone, and that’s all I’m going to do. I refuse to…
Matt: You HELPED them?! You traitor!
IL: Get back in line. Now.
Izzy: Ummm…I mean, no way!
IL: Yes, you will get back in line. If you don’t, Rod is going to throw your Pineapple Macintosh computer of the window.
Izzy: Are you going to hold that hostage the whole show?
IL: As long as it continues to work, yes.
Izzy: I don’t believe you. Anyway, I don’t care.
IL: OK Rod, toss it out.
Izzy: Noo! *jumps into line*
Rod: Oops. (The computer is dropped out the window anyway)
Izzy: AHH! *Jumps on Rod and starts beating him up* You stupid radio producer!
IL: *joins in* You clumsy oaf! Now we’ll never get him to the studio!
SF: Hey guys? It’s not broken.
Rod: What??
SF: It’s like…bouncing up and down…
Izzy: *stands up* Oh yeah. I encased it in Flubber, in the event of a situation like this.
Cody: You can’t DO that! Flubber is TOTALLY copyrighted!
Nat: That is just weird.
IL: All right. I’ll send the Tokos out to get it, and then IF you come with us and do a show, your computer will be returned to you.
TK: Izzy, get your butt back in line! I want to tell some dirty jokes on the air!
Matt: Could we just MOVE? The longer I hold still, the tighter Jun clings to me. She’s like creeping poison ivy.
Ken: That doesn’t even exist.
Matt: I know, it’s unbelievable.
Ken: OK, Izzy, look. It’s very simple. There are 18 people and Tokos who want to go to the studio, and then there’s you.
Izzy: So there are 18 crazy people? That’s pretty simple, I agree.
Tai: I’m not crazy! I don’t want to go!
IL: If you don’t come with, I’ll shave off your “hair.”
Sora: Why are you blackmailing everyone?
IL: If YOU don’t come with, we’ll kill your crayons.
Davis: Does that mean if I give you Sora’s crayons, I don’t have to go?
Nat: Of course not. *Large fight breaks out*
Davis: I don’t care, as long as I get OUT of this hospital!
Joe: Me too! Death to Squeaky Mouse!
Matt: Squeaky Mouse?
Yolei: Can I have a 7-dessert course meal if I help you?
Nat: Um, sure.
Yolei: Yeah! All right everyone, listen up! Get back in line! (All ignore her) HEY!
Mimi: You couldn’t even get people to buy water. Nobody listens to you.
SF: How about if I help? *Evil-Volves into Rabid Batpig and snaps at the kids until they are once more in an obedient line – even Izzy*
Tai: Eeeh! I forgot how scary he is!
Joe: *Bitten* AHH!! I HAVE RABIES!
Ken: So, if Batpig is rabid, doesn’t that mean we have to shoot Snowflake?
Yolei: Ooh, I’m up for that. Where’s our beanbag gun?
IL: Definitely time we left this room. Follow me out the door and down this hallway.
Davis: I’m afraid of the dark!
Matt: Shut up. Why don’t YOU cling to your sister for a change?
Jun: Mattsy, we’re in a dark hallway! We –
Matt: Seriously. Shut up.
Davis: Wow, this is a really long hallway.
Joe: Um, we’re not in the sewers or anything, are we?
Mimi: EEEEUUUWWW!!! We’re in a dirty, stinky sewer??
TK: DIRTY?
Davis: *slams TK against the wall, which echoes slightly*
TK: That was weird…I thought walls were thicker than that.
Sora: Hey, where did the Evil People and their Evil Rats go? *Ground lurches beneath their feet*
Joe: AH! THE HALLWAY IS MOVING!
Mimi: Sewers can move?
Sora: We’re not in a sewer.
Matt: Damn! We walked right into one of their traps!
Tai: Noo! I liked the Magic SCHOOL BUS better than a dark, floating box!
Kari: No, you didn’t. Remember how the walls and ceiling caved in on our heads?
Ken: So what IS this thing?
*PA systems come on*
IL: Hello, this is your friendly tour guide, Interview Lady. If you look around you, you will see 12 other insane teenage idiots as well as a lot of blackness. Your luxury ride has been provided by The Gardens Wild Animal Transport Semi.
Mimi: You mean there have been hippos and stuff in this truck? Ish! Gross!
Sora: *sarcastically* After having you in it, the truck will probably prefer hippos.
Mimi: *stumbles across the truck in the dark* Come back here so I can wring your neck!
Sora: No way!
Mimi: Then keep talking, so I can hear you, you stupid chit! (Sora remains silent)
Davis: She’s over here! (*Sound of Sora’s fist hitting Davis’ face)
Mimi: Ah-hah! (She tackles them and the three roll around on the floor of the truck)
Sora: Mimi! You hit me in the nose!
Davis: Eeeeh!
Matt: Listen to that, you guys! It’s a girly cat fight!
Davis: MATT! (Matt, who has Jun hung around his neck, gets dragged into the fight) I’ll get you for that!
Tai: Listen to that, you guys! It’s STILL a girly cat fight!
Jun: Matt! I’ll save you!
Matt: Tai, you wuss, I could take you any day! (Matt attempts to punch Tai, but misses due to lack of light)
TK: OWWW! You hit me in the eye! *Cries* You’re a bad big brother!
Matt: Sorry, TK.
TK: Just kidding!
Matt: You twerp, I’m going to pound you for real!
Tai: *ponders* Since I usually miss when I punch, the darkness can’t hurt my aim! *swings*
Matt: OMG! My nose! Tai punched me!
Tai: You mean I did it? I punched Matt?? Yippee! *detangles himself from the fight and skips around* Lalala..
SEMI CAB
Rod: Do you hear something?
Nat: No.
Rod: It sounds like a fight.
Nat: Nah, just engine trouble.
Rod: Oh.
TRAILER
Mimi: I broke a nail!
Sora: My hair! Ow, ow, ow!
Davis: Matt, get back here, I have to try Tai’s punching method!
Matt: No! Ah, Jun!
Jun: Oh hi Matt, I found you! Did Tai hurt you? Poor baby. Let me kiss it to make it better.
Matt: Hell no! (He backs away quickly and bumps into Davis)
Davis: Matt! *swings*
Matt: Ooof…
Davis: It works! I punched Matt in the stomach! Tai’s a genius!
Jun: Poor Mattsy.
Sora: Davis, you’re a traitor! You tattled! I’m going to hurt you.
Davis: Help me!
CAB
Rod: Seriously, I think they’re fighting back there.
Nat: Oh well, let them.
Rod: But…
IL: Rod, shut up. If they fight each other, they won’t fight us. Besides, we’re almost back to the station.
Rod: But what if they kill each other?
IL: They won’t. They’re always fighting. It’s when they’re NOT fighting that I get worried. See, right now, they’re destroying brain cells, which makes them easier to humiliate.
Rod: Wow. You’re such a humanitarian.
SF: You never care when MY kids fight! And they’ve got 6-inch teeth!
Rod: You know, that reminds me. How come you can talk, but the Pikachus just babble idiotic nonsense?
Caged Pikachu: CHUU!! *swells up to shock Rod…then falls unconscious as the insulated cage sends the shock back into him*
SF: Does that answer your question?
*Sound of a giant thump in back, followed by muffled scream*
Cody: MY KENDO STICK!!!!!
Rod: That’s it! I can’t concentrate with all this noise! I’m going to cause an accident.
IL: Then give me the stupid wheel. *grabs it*
Nat: No way! You can’t drive! *Takes the wheel*
IL: No was yourself, the last time you drove a car, you took a left turn from the right turn lane!
Nat: Did not! *brief struggle*
SF: *sighs* Chill, I got it. *sticks paws on the wheel*
IL/Nat: AHH! Get him out of here! *panicking*
Nat: This is how we got into the LAST accident!
Rod: All right! *plucks Snowflake off the driver’s seat and starts driving again*
IL: You see what happens when you disobey orders?
TRAILER
Cody: Look what you did! There’s a hairline fracture in my Kendo stick!
Sora: Yeah, well, somebody SQUASHED MY CRAYONS!
Matt: Possibly you, since they were in your back pocket when you sat down.
Sora: Oh, yeah.
Tai: Are we there yet?
Matt: No.
Tai: How about now?
Matt: I’m warning you…
Davis: Let’s sing some car tunes.
TK: Dude, I’ve got a good one!
“Flintstones! Meet the Flintstones! They’re the modern stone age familyyyyy….
Davis: No, I mean like –
TK: Wait! I know a funnier one. Rooby Rooby Doo –
Kari: It’s SCOOBY Doo, moron.
Yolei: I want some Scooby snacks!
Tai: Scooby snacks are dog biscuits.
Yolei: Nuh-uh, they’re fruit snacks.
Sora: Scooby snacks are “Food eaten by Scooby Doo.”
Tai: Yeah, and he was a DOG!
Sora: I give up.
TK: Who knows the Gilligan’s Island theme song?
Ken: That’s not a cartoon!
Davis: I said CAR TUNE, like 100 Bottles of Beer??
TK: It’s still good.
Kari: Did Gilligan teach that song to you?
TK: Yep!
Kari: Well, that’s the stupidest song ever written. Right guys?
(All the guys look at each other, blink, shrug, and then burst into song)
TK/Matt/Tai/Izzy/Joe/Ken/Cody/Davis: Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale/A tale of a fateful trip
That started from this tropic port/Aboard this tiny ship
The mate was a mighty sailing man/The skipper brave and sure
Five passengers set sail that day/For a 3-hour tour (“A 3-hour tour!”)
Yolei: They’re all insane.
Sora: Agreed.
Mimi: Let’s sing a girl song! My little pony, my little pony/All in a twinkling, spring is here/My little pony, my little pony, when did all the leaves and grass appear?/Where they were snowdrifts, now there are no drifts…
(she stops as she sees them staring at her)
Kari: Now you join the ranks of the insane.
Mimi: Well, what songs do YOU guys like?
Sora: I don’t sing, I draw.
Kari: Come to think of it, I should start practicing some of my Kindergarten songs. “Humpty-Dumpty sat on a wall…”
Guys: The weather started getting rough/The tiny ship was tossed/
If not for the courage of the fearless crew/The Minnow would be lost
(“The Minnow would be lost.”).
Mimi: How come ALL of you guys know that song by heart?
Tai: It’s like a guy thing. Girls could never understand the complexity of Gilligan’s Island.
Kari: Really.
Davis: Dude – they lived on an island for like 3 years! They were pretty smart to stay alive!
Yolei: Wouldn’t they have been smarter if they’d found a way to get OFF the island?
Ken: That’s a dumb girl thing.
Izzy: I know.
Sora: Cody, don’t you need permission to sing a copyrighted song?
Cody: Umm…well, I think as long as you really, really love it and don’t profit from it, it’s OK.
Sora: What if I pay you 25 cents because I liked the song so much?
Cody: Umm…well, I wasn’t trying to profit from it, so it would still be OK.
Sora: Hypocrite!
CAB
Rod: OK, now they’re SINGING back there. If they didn’t sound so awful, I’d be happy.
IL: WHAT? They’re having FUN?! Pull over right now!
(Rod pulls over, IL jumps out of the truck)
Nat: *Calls after her* What? Playing games is okay, but not a nice, happy sing-along??
IL: Exactly! *Throws open the door* Stop that wretched singing THIS INSTANT!
Matt: Hey guys! Interview Lady hates it when we sing!
Tai: Now we can torture HER! Come on guys, let’s get a rendition of the Chicken Dance! *starts dancing*
“I don’t wanna be a chicken, I don’t want to be a duck, so I shake my –
Izzy: *knocks him out* I had no great desire to see you finish that dance while I was watching.
IL: Maybe you forgot about my Pikachus. *releases two in the truck and shuts the door*
Davis: Ahhh! *runs a far into the darkness as he can, hitting the back wall*
Cody: Back! Back! *waves his Kendo stick*
Ken: All right, I’ve made a stun-gun.
Izzy: That’s just one of my pocket lasers, with a trigger!
Ken: Correction, it’s a copy made from the blueprints of your pocket laser.
Izzy: Well, it’s my technology. *Knocks it out of his hand and breaks it*
Jun: Izzy!! Now we don’t have any defense against the Pikachus! Matt, beat him up. Wait…Matt will protect us from harm.
Matt: OK, watch me stand up to them: Pikachus are nasty, dirty little rodents with ugly faces! *Ducks behind Jun as the rodents attack*
Matt: Sweet, Jun’s finally unconscious and so is that little pink rat in her hair. Good plan, huh? Whoa, easy Pikachus! I just wanted you to shock Jun. See? Peace offering. *pulls ketchup-coated apples out of his pockets and feeds them*
Tai: You carry ketchup-coated apples in your pockets?
Kari: Matt, you’re on a roll! You’ve actually TAMED the diabolical Pikachus!
Ken: You do realize that now IL and Nat will find something worse, like a pack of Rabid Batpigs.
Matt: They’re not tame, just asleep. *indicates 2 snoring Pikachus*
CAB
IL: Hey, how come I don’t hear any screaming?
Rod: Oh, for the love of…can’t we just go to the studio without stopping?
IL: No.
Rod: But we’re here.
PT: Hooray, now I get to start torturing them.
Nat: Correction, we torture them, you only help.
PT: No fair.
SF: Herman, count yourself lucky that I even let you come today. I could send you back to your mother at any time.
PT: Pop, maybe you didn’t hear me. I’m PUNK TOKO, PT. Not Herman. Besides, Mom makes me watch all the little kid Tokos so she can go out on dates!
SF: One more word, and you’re grounded.
Nat: Aw, cute, a father-son moment!
TRAILER
Tai: We’ve stopped moving!
Matt: Oh, wonderful.
Tai: Are you serious? You’re HAPPY to be at the radio station?
Matt: I was being sarcastic.
Sora: You know, those Pikachus are kind of cute when they sleep.
Ken: Maybe you should pet it to see if it likes you.
Sora: Yeah! Then we can use them against IL and Nat! *Goes over and picks up a pokemon*
Spazass: *wakes up* Pi? Pi? Chu! PIKACHUUUUU!!
Sora: Ugh. Ouch. *falls over*
SB: You shouldn’t have done that…but I’m glad you did, it was funny.
Matt: How did you wake up?
Sora: Ouch. (The Pikachu jumps out of the back of the truck and into IL’s arms as she opens the door)
IL: All right, let’s get moving. Into the studio!
Tai: I don’t want to go! Let’s go back to the hospital!
IL: Um, no.
Nat: Do we have to get the flame-thrower out again?
Tai: God, no!
Kari: I have an idea! Everybody hold hands. (They join in a circle) *sings* We shall not be mo-ooo-ooved, (*all join in*) we shall not be mo-ooo-ooved…
Matt: Ew, I won’t hold Jun’s hand.
Kari: *glares*
Matt: OK, OK!
All: We shall not be mo-ooo-ooved to-da-aaa-aa-aay!
SB: The whole singing thing is getting on my nerves.
Yolei: Look! A Snickers bar! It’s over by the door of the studio! (She doesn’t notice the string tied around it that leads inside)
Kari: Shut up and keep singing.
Yolei: But I’m hungry! (She drags the whole group towards the door, but the candy bar jerks and retreats inside)
Get back here, candy bar!
Tai: Nooo, you’re falling for their trap!
Matt: Let go of everyone’s hands!
Yolei: Hungry…
Kari: Too late! (Iron bars band down over the opening in the door)
Davis: Great job Yolei, you trapped us.
Yolei: Huh? *Happily munches candy bar* Mmmm, good chocolate.
Ken: Where did IL and Nat go?
Sora: It’s creepy when they disappear like that.
SB: I know where they are.
Jun: Shut up, Snowball, or I’ll beat you.
SB: I can get you out of here. I know ALL the secret ways out.
Jun: Really?
SB: But first, I want a candy bar!
Yolei: But I just ate the only one!
Davis: You will now be shunned!
Mimi: Wait, I have one. Someone sent me one while I was in the hospital, but I ate so much of the breakfast pancakes that I didn’t have room.
Jun: Gimme! *grabs it and shoves it in her hair*
SB: Yum! OK, open the door on the right at the end of the hallway.
(Everyone follows Mimi through the door, goes down another hallway, and up a few flights of stairs)
Matt: Didn’t we already come up the stairs? So shouldn’t we be going DOWN the stairs to get out?
Cody: Haven’t you ever heard of a fire escape?
Matt: Oh, duh. (They open the door and enter a dimly-lit room)
Davis: Is this the elevator? (Everyone piles into the room, but fail to notice the door closing. Suddenly, the lights snap on)
IL: SURPRISE!! (Balloons and streamers float down, and a sign unfurls, saying WELCOME BACK TO THE INTERVIEW STATION!! <3 IL, Nat, Snowflake, PT, Snowball, Rod, Sparky, Shocker, and Spazass)
Davis: *lets out a girly scream*
Matt: I KNEW that was you at the park!
Davis: Was not!
Yolei: *falls over twitching* Sugar high…bad mix with…poison air of recording room…
Nat: Oh, please.
Tai: Snowball, you lousy, cheatin’ idiot! You said you knew a way out!
SB: Exactly. I never promised you a way out of the building. Just out of the hallway. Hehe.
Matt: I KNEW we shouldn’t have trusted him.
Cody: If you knew, why didn’t you STOP him?
Matt: Well, I thought that Izzy or Ken would take care of it.
Izzy: Hey, every once in a while, you have to think for yourselves.
Sora: Don’t listen to him, he’s the one who told them where we were in the first place.
IL: All right kids, shut up. Now, please take your seats and we’ll get started with our show.
TK: I’m not sitting down until I make sure the chairs are NOT hooked up to Pikachus.
Jun: Quick Matt, sit down so I can sit on your lap!
Matt: Um…I’m afraid I may be allergic to…the fleas in Snowball’s fur.
SB: I do not have fleas!
Matt: Yeah, I guess they’d all be in Jun’s hair right about now.
Mimi: Ew! *runs away from Jun*
Jun: Can I go to the bathroom and wash my hair?
Nat: Sure.
Jun: Yay! *skips out*
Tai: No way! How come you let her out?
IL: Because she’ll come back for Matt.
Tai: OK then…going off the Taito theme, can I go wash MY hair?
SF: WHAT hair?
Tai: My REALLY BIG HAIR.
Kari: *laughs hysterically* Your hair looks like a bunch of glued-on rat skins!
Matt: You’ve got the “glued” part right, anyway.
Tai: Stop making fun of my new hairdo! And don’t ANYBODY call it a “hair don’t,” because that’s not funny.
Sora: So you acknowledge that your hair is gone.
Tai: Shut up.
Sora: Watch this. *yanks a piece off*
Tai: OW! You ripped off my HAIR! Now I have a…BALD SPOT! THE HORROR!
Sora: Maybe I could show you, in this handy little mirror, just what the rest of your hair looks like.
Tai: No, that’s OK.
Sora: Really, you should see it.
Tai: No…AHH! *runs around like a headless chicken until he hits the wall and blacks out*
SF: He seems to do that a lot.
IL: Oh well, time to start the show. (Jun comes back in)
Jun: Ahh, all fresh and squeaky-clean! (a long line of bubbles floats from her hair)
SB: *Hic* *hic* *hic* *gasp* She tried to kill me! *burps more bubbles* Have you ever read shampoo warnings? They say DO NOT INGEST. Because it’s POISON!
Izzy: Well, maybe you should have gotten out of her hair while she was washing it.
SB: I don’t get out of anyone’s hair until I’m ready to go into someone else’s. Maybe I should go back into YOURS.
Kari: You know, Matt, she DID try to kill one of the evil Tokos. That’s pretty cool.
Matt: That doesn’t matter! It’s JUN!
Jun: Ooh! I forgot you were up there. Come out so I can kiss you!
Matt: See, she LIKES Tokos.
SB: Euw! *scratches back deeply into her hair* No, no, no!
Jun: That’s OK, I can wait.
IL: AHEM. Now we’re on the air. We’re going to begin with a question:
Davis: Nooo…
IL: Yes. OK. *checks notes* If it takes Davis 3 hours to paint a house and Tai 5 hours to paint the house, how long will it take to paint the house?
Mimi: 35?
Tai: I can paint a house faster than Davis.
Davis: Hell no you can’t!
Tai: Hell no I can! Wait, hell yes I can!
IL: Shut up. It doesn’t matter who is faster. You both paint it together.
Davis: Oh. Well, then it would take 16 hours because 3 x 5 is 15 and it would take Tai 1 hour to open the paint can.
Kari: Nah, it would take 8 hours, because it’s 5 + 3.
Sora: But there’s two of them, so you divide by two. 3 + 5 = 8, divided by 2 is 4! So it would take 4 hours.
Ken: No, no, no, let a smart kid do it. (5+3)/2 is the average so if you divide THAT by 2, you get the time. In other words, “2 hours.”
Jun: It would take 5 hours because Davis is lazy and he wouldn’t do any work.
Tai: No, I can paint a house in 3 hours because I paint faster. But if Davis helps it will take 5 hours because he would screw something up.
TK: I think 8 sounded good.
Yolei: Me too.
IL: *rapidly writes something down*
Nat: This wouldn’t happen to be the math problem that you got wrong on every single test, would it?
IL: Of course not. I just find it amusing watching them trying to think.
Nat: Sure.
Mimi: I’ve got it! (3 x 5) divided by (3 + 5) = 1 and 7/8 hours!!
Sora: Mimi, don’t be stupid.
Izzy: Actually, Mimi’s right.
All: WHAT?
Mimi: That was fun, let’s do another one.
Davis: I’ve always wanted to know how you do the one that goes like,
“You leave home at 5:00 going east at 50 mph. Mr. Jones leaves at the same time from 200 miles away, going twice as fast as you heading west. At what time will you pass each other?”
Tai: What kind of a stupid question is that? Do you know what the traffic is like at 5:00?
Joe: Mr. Jones was driving 100 MILES PER HOUR??
Matt: OK, I got it this time. He has gone 100 miles at 6:00, and you have gone 50 miles at 6:00, so halfway to 100 is half an hour, so…you pass at 5:30!
Tai: Is that seriously right?
Matt: Yes.
IL: *scribbles something else down*
Davis: Huh? I always thought it was, like…I dunno, something with elephants.
Tai: Were they on their way to paint a house?
IL: That’s irrelevant.
Tai: I’d still like to know.
Matt: Mimi’s right, this is fun. Let’s start a new one!
Joe: No. No more math problems. The zeroes look like circles. Circles scare me.
TK: Oh! Want to see a cool trick I learned?
Kari: Not really.
TK: First I need a crayon.
Sora: No.
TK: I promise not to hurt it.
Sora: …fine, but be careful.
TK: Thanks. Next, I need a wall.
Matt: You’re going to draw on a wall with a CRAYON?
TK: Remember how well I decorated our old house when I was 2?
Matt: Unfortunately, yes.
Rod: Hey! Stop him! Dave the Friendly Manager doesn’t exactly favor you, you know.
Nat: Yeah, Dave’s as friendly as you are an interviewer!
IL: Who cares? Tell him the wall was colored by Koko.
Nat: Is that who you last interviewed?
TK: Hey! Watch my trick! (Clearing his throat, he marches up to the wall, shakes out his arm and places the crayon at the top. Suddenly, he swings his arm in an arc and steps back.) Ta-da!
Davis: Is it an elephant?
Matt: You drew a circle.
TK: No, I drew a PERFECT circle! Look! It’s not lop-sided or anything! It’s totally round!
Matt: You DREW A CIRCLE.
Sora: Hey, let me see that crayon – you squashed the end of it into the wall! Idiot!
Ken: Who taught you that “trick?”
TK: Mr. Fry.
Ken: Is he that one math teacher who almost got fired for spending half an hour of class time trying to rewire the clock?
TK: Yup! And they never would have known if he’d only remembered to put the ceiling tiles back in.
IL: You children have insane teachers.
Rod: Uh, I have Dave the ANGRY manager on Line 2. He says he’s been listening to your show for 10 minutes, but he hasn’t heard a single question.
IL: Why doesn’t he ever yell at Nat? Besides, we did ask a question. Two, in fact.
Rod: He says high school math problems you never understood do not specifically relate to your guests, and you need to ask a more specific question about their lives.
IL: Grrr…
Nat: OK! How about this: Now that you guys have pretty much retired from the “Saving the World” business, what do you miss most about the Digiworld?
TK: I m-m-miss my pet Toko!! …oh wait, he’s not part of the Digiworld anymore.
Tai: MISS about the DIGIWORLD? Hahahahaha!
Matt: I miss the fact that I used to be able to go somewhere without Jun!
Joe: Di…gi…world?
IL: How could you forget the Digiworld? You were there for like 9 months!
Joe: Was that that the weird place where…no! Ah! I will not relive those horrible memories!
Nat: Which ones would those be?
Joe: Well, there was the time Sora and I got attacked by evil ghosts in disguise and we had to…no, you can’t make me remember!
IL: Do you remember your Digimon?
Davis: Digimon? Huh? What’s a Digimon?
Joe: Ummmmm…? No. Wait…definitely no.
Mimi: I remember lots of Digimon. *sniff* So many Digimon were hurt because of us, like Leomon and Whamon…*starts bawling* I miss them!
Joe: Wait, I remember! Was my Digimon a plant? Or a bird?
Mimi: *wails*
Squeaky Mouse: Joe, you are so stupid sometimes.
Joe: AHH! I thought I left you at the hospital!
Cody: Huh?
Joe: Never mind.
Kari: Shut up, Mimi. You’re such a baby.
Matt: Mimi, your face is turning red and blotchy.
Mimi: Oh. Well, I feel better now. Can I go to the bathroom to freshen up?
Nat: No.
Mimi: Dang.
Ken: I remember Digimon. Actually, I don’t so much remember THEM as I remember all the parts INSIDE them, labeled and pinned in dissecting trays…
Mimi: Nooo!
Jun: Geeze, Mimi! You cry more than TK!
TK: I never cry.
Sora: You did when you were 8.
TK: I was 6.
Sora: So you can’t do math, either?
Izzy: Well, having discovered everything there was to discover about it, I became bored with it. So, do I miss it? No way.
TK: Come to think of it, I sort of miss the first day Davis came to the Digiworld and almost got killed. That was funny.
Davis: Hah.
Cody: I miss the simplicity and security and peacefulness of that world.
Yolei: Peacefulness?? Have you utterly BLOCKED Arukenimon from your memory?
Cody: Yes.
Kari: I miss the way Gatomon used to be all sweet and cuddly.
Tai: You do not! You hated her!
Izzy: It’s simple. She only wants her because she doesn’t have her.
IL: Oh yeah! WE have Gatomon! *pulls out a cage*
Gatomon: *hiss* DEATH! Death to the ages and the hounds and the evil girl in pink gloves!
Kari: Ew, creepy. Put it away.
IL: Nah.
Nat: I think we should bring in the new host-pet.
Matt: The what?
IL: Oh, all right. *returns the cage to the closet*
Gatomon: Hiss! Ssss!
SF: Here he comes! (The door bangs open, making all the kids jump. A really long shadow comes in.)
Joe: Ah! It’s a giant!
Tai: Oh, right, a giant.
Mimi: I’m scared! (And in walks PT, sticking out his tongue to show off the stud)
Joe: IT’S A SEWER RAT! *jumps into Matt’s arms*
Matt: *promptly drops him to the floor with a thud* Gross .
TK: What the – Tokomon!
Sora: Tokos come in black?
Jun: But I thought they were all fuzzy and cute and pink, like cotton candy!
PT: That’s right. I am the bad-ass PUNK TOKO.
SF: He means “Herman.” Meet the second of my two sons. Actually, he’s a little older.
PT: It’s “P.T.”
Ken: That’s idiotic. Little rats can’t be punk. *remembers their huge teeth* Never mind.
Sora: Are you SURE Tokos come in black?
SB: It’s a dye job.
PT: IS NOT.
Sora: Did you color it with crayons?
SB: *pulls a bottle out of Jun’s hair and reads the label* “Gothic Ebony #413,” to be exact.
PT: Hey! That’s mine! I mean…I don’t know WHAT you’re talking about.
SB: You just use this to cover your GRAY hairs.
PT: I’ll beat you for that. (He jumps into Jun’s hair and disappears)
Jun: Aiiieeee! Now there are two of them! What did I do to deserve this?
Matt: You’re just you, I guess.
Jun: Aww, that’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me, Matt!
Matt: *crosses his fingers making an X* Stay away! You’re infested!
Kari: Weird, her hair is MOVING. They must be fighting.
Sora: How come we can’t hear anything?
Tai: The hairspray muffles the sound. I would know. I had an alarm clock hidden in my hair that woke me up in math class every day. Only I could hear it.
Squeaky Mouse: You know how that goes, don’t you Joe?
Joe: Shut it!
Tai: Geeze Joe, I was only talking about an alarm clock, no need to get touchy.
(Meanwhile, the fighting in Jun’s hair has gotten more intense)
SF: Children! Settle down! What would your mother think?
Tai: They can’t hear you. The sound is muffled, remember?
SF: All right, I’m going in! (He jumps into Jun’s hair)
Nat: 3 Tokos on one head. I like it!
Jun: Aiieee! They’re wrecking my hairdo! I spent ages making my hair look pretty for Matt!
Matt: So like, you washed it and threw in a little bear grease?
IL: Snowflake! You’ll never find a way out of there!
(Snarls and squeals begin to sound from the hair)
Jun: Out, out, out! *Jumps around hitting her hair*
Tai: I remember when I used to do that.
(Suddenly, Snowball comes flying out of Jun’s hair, ripping a hole in it. He lies on the floor for a second, looking exposed and scared. He blinks, then panics)
SB: EEH! *springs off the floor into Tai’s hair*
Tai: UGH!
SB: Ew! Sticky glue! *leaps off Tai’s head and onto Ken’s* Help! *slides off Ken’s hair to the floor*
Yolei: What is on your hair?
Ken: What does it look like? Patented Toko repellent.
Izzy: That’s just a bunch of gel all over your hair.
Ken: But I patented it as Toko-repellent because I made the gel myself.
Yolei: So that’s why your hair always shines like plastic.
SB: *launches off the floor into Kari’s hair and falls again* Damn you!
Kari: I gotta admit, that stuff works well.
SB: Fine! *jumps onto TK’s head, chomps through the top of his hat, and sits on TK’s head*
TK: Gross! *flings his hat off, with Snowball in it. As Snowball flies out, he aims for Jun’s hair…but collides with PT as he jumps out*
PT: OW! *hits the floor* OW!
SB: Out of my way! *jumps again, but is tired and misjudges the distance, hitting Jun’s face instead*
Jun: Why do gross things keep kissing me??
Matt: I’ve been asking that question for months.
PT: Dad!!
SF: *nimbly jumps out of Jun’s hair* You’re not supposed to fight each other.
SB: *scrambles into the hat TK has left on the floor* Ah. Safe. Cozy. Smells like TK, but hey.
TK: Give me my hat! *reaches for it*
SB: GRRRR!
TK: *yanks hand back* Fine, keep it then.
Yolei: That was fun. We should, like, have bear-baiting with them or something.
Davis: No, no, GATO baiting! Three Tokos vs. a chained Gatomon!
SF: Umm…no.
Tai: Snowflake’s just afraid of her because she beat him up before.
PT: No, I wanna fight!
SB: You can’t fight anything! We beat you up in the hair.
PT: You wanna go again?
IL: I side with Snowflake. Don’t you guys want to know what game we’re going to play today?
Joe: Did she just say game?
Davis: She did!
Tai: Jump out the windows! Smother yourselves!
Izzy: Or, we could simply play the game.
Matt: What is WRONG with you? You’ve gone along with them all day!
Izzy: No I haven’t. Remember when I wouldn’t get in line?
Matt: Yeah, right. You secretly want to join them, don’t you?
Izzy: Of course I don’t!
Nat: This is how the game works. We need four teams.
Joe: OMG! Teams! Run away, run away!
Nat: Ahem. We RANDOMLY select teams…
Ken: Random, my ass. You have them all pre-sorted into whatever groups you think will be funny!
IL: There’s a problem with that?
Ken: Ah-hah! You admit it.
IL: Well, sometimes we use random chance and it turns out funny anyway.
Joe: I don’t want to play your games anymore.
Nat: Would you rather have us interview you some more? Or take you on another field trip?
Joe: Umm…
Nat: We could take you to the mall to go on the carousel…
Joe: Nooo…round circles…evil horses…
Sora: So what game are we playing?
IL: It’s called “Cranium.”
Ken: Really?? That sounds like a fun game.
IL: It involves useless trivia questions, some acting, and drawing…
Sora: Really? With crayons?
IL: Sure, but we need teams first.
TK: I’m not playing any games until that pink thing gets out of my hat.
Matt: What’s you obsession with always having your head covered?
TK: What do you mean?
Matt: Well, when you were little you always wore that helmet, and now you have that bucket hat.
TK: I dunno. My head gets cold.
Tai: My head used to get cold all the time, but now my hair keeps me warm.
Sora: What about all those little spots all over where there is no hair?
Tai: What? What are you talking about? My hair is fine!
Nat: Tai, would you like a mirror?
Tai: Nope, my hair is fine, so I don’t need one.
Matt: I hate to tell you this, but you have a screwed up crew cut with long locks of hair stuck on with Elmer’s Glue. It looks pretty bad.
Tai: I don’t believe you.
Matt: Why do you think the Tokos are avoiding you?
Tai: I smell bad?
Matt: Yes, but aside from that.
Tai: I still don’t believe you. Give me the “mere” and I’ll prove it to you.
Nat: “Mere-OR.”
Tai: That’s what I said: “Mere.”
Nat: Say this: Merely a mirror.
Tai: “Merely a mere.”
Nat: Hopeless, anyway, here’s the “mere.”
Tai: *gasp* My beautiful hair! It’s all gone! *sniff*
Matt: Crybaby.
Tai: Whaaaaaaaa! My hair!!!!!!!!
IL: Now look what you’ve done. We’ll never shut him up now.
Nat: I suppose we could help him to re-grow it.
IL: But he looks so funny.
SF: I’ll go get Madam Pomfrey’s Skele-Grow, if you want.
IL: Isn’t that for bones?
(Minutes later, Snowflake returns, as Tai continues bawling)
SF: Got it. Now, who wants to dump it on him? (Tai’s arms are flailing around, so everyone backs away)
Matt: Here, I’ll do it, you wimps. (He grabs the open bottle and edges closer to Tai) Hmm…maybe I shouldn’t…(Tai’s flailing arms suddenly hit the bottle, sending it flying. Some lands on his head, and the rest splashes all over PT and Matt’s head and face) *POOF*
Tai: Wow! *feels his head* That stuff really works!
PT: I’m a puffball! I can’t be punky AND puffy! Matt, this is all your fault! *bites him*
Matt: Ahh! My hair is long again!
Mimi: That’s not all.
Matt: Huh?
Mimi: *snickers* You have a…you have…(She bursts out laughing, all but Matt join in)
Matt: What is with you people?? What is so G.D. funny all of a sudden?
Yolei: You grew a 2-foot beard in 10 seconds flat. Chapter 2
