This paper i wrote was supposed to portray my ideal presidential candidate. and as you can see from the picture, i used Jon Davis. (the guy from the band KoRn) but i'll explain this all in the paper itself, so rather than repeat myself, i'll leave you to it. read it, it's obviously good, cuz i got 100% on it! *happy dances* well, see ya's!

I have decided to do this paper a little differently. (Just like all the OTHER papers I write for this class.) I have decided to do this as a presidential candidate speech to the people, telling them what he will be doing if elected. I’m also using a real person to be the candidate, but only because then I don’t have to make up the age, sex etc. I will be using the lead singer from the band KoRn, Jonathan Davis, (because I am listening to Korn right now, and it seems like the thing to do) however I will be making up all of “his” ideals to fit my views. Now that I’ve gotten this stuff cleared up, here we go.

Introduction Guy: “Greetings and Salutations. I am the Introduction guy and I am here to introduce the next candidate for the presidency. This young man is 28 years old, and the father of a 5-year-old boy. You might recognize him as the lead singer of the popular rock band KoRn. This candidate graduated from high school in California, and has been very successful in the music genre. Now please join me in welcoming Mr. Jonathan Davis!”

“Hello my name is Jonathan Davis. I don’t want to bore you with dumb jokes or flattery like most presidential candidates, but my party forced me into telling you at least one joke, so I am going to tell you a really dumb joke so I can embarrass those guys in suits behind me. Okay, are you ready? What kind of cow has eight legs? Give up? None! Ha ha ha. Okay now that that’s out of the way, let’s get down to what you really want to hear. What do I stand for? Well, maybe I should get this out of the way before I dive into the issues. You might be wondering why I’m running for president. Well, I am running for 2 reasons. Number one, I want to do something worthwhile and something that would make me feel important. I have some good ideas and would like the opportunity to share them with the American public and maybe get some changes made. And reason number 2, I figured ‘hey, if Clinton can get elected and get 2 terms, I could get elected too!’ now let’s get to the issues.”

“Let’s start with the issue of national defense. I believe we should keep the conventional forces and even make them bigger. I would like to make it so that the thought of our army/navy to the other countries in the world makes them stop and say ‘maybe we should just leave those guys alone. They could take us out in a big way!’ I want to use it as a sort of fear protection. They’ll think twice before attacking. Thus providing us with a better line of defense by use of fear instead of using manpower, and also getting rid of loss of life. I would like to do everything within my power to limit nuclear capability in the world, because the less countries that have nuclear weapons, the less likely we are to have a nuclear holocaust. I don’t want some third world country getting nuclear warheads then accidentally setting one off when they decide it’d be cool to try and scare a neighboring country into cutting them a little slack. I also think we should cut down on nuclear testing, because I really do not understand what that proves. All nuclear testing accomplishes is showing other countries that we have them, and that they do indeed explode when set off. I am under the impression that nuclear testing is a grown-up version of the “my dad could beat up your dad” mentality we had as children. All it does is prove that we have them. Besides, once you test one bomb, you know THAT bomb worked. But you don’t know if the other ones work, and the one you used to test the weapons, you can’t use anymore because it’s already exploded. So I’d like to get rid of nuclear testing, because it is a useless waste of money, and I believe it’s only purpose is to use up government money and tax dollars while ruining our environment and limiting places we can farm."

“On the subject of the military and things of that nature, I would like to share my views on women in combat and also on gays in the military. I have no problem with either because women and gays are both people. And if Straights and men have to fight, gays should too, because this is also their country and if they want a shot at defending it, let them. It shouldn’t come down to the fact that one has a different sexual preference than you do, that should not have anything to do with serving your country. And if this bothers you while you serve, maybe you should be the one we do not allow in the military. And as far as the issue of women in combat goes, women are as capable as men are at everything else they do, why not let them fight if they so desire? The American people are all for equal rights, this should also apply.”

“I would also like to address the fact that our country seems to be on a bit of a moral decline. And I believe this has something to do with the fact that they banned prayer in schools. Kids now don’t have the same morals that kids back in the 60’s did. Part of this is because of lack of respect for the religions. The other part is because they just aren’t disciplined as well by their parents. I would like to put prayer back in schools, but I’d like to make it optional. The teachers would not lead the children in prayer before class, because some children would have different religions than others. And I would not force any religions on anyone. This country has the freedom of religion, and since most of our young lives are spent in school, it shapes how we grow up. I am Agnostic, so I have no real religion, but I know that something is there (I’m Christian, but I think a good president should have no preference because then he’s got no biased opinions) as far as a divine influence goes, but I have no biased opinions. I am open to the fact that any of the religions out there could be the right one. But I do know that the future of America is these children, and if we don’t raise them right, this country will fall to the hands of our enemies. I would also like to say that capital punishment is stupid too. Because if we kill people, to prove that killing is wrong, what are we really teaching? You don’t literally fight fire with fire, because that only makes the fire bigger. If you kill people to prove killing is wrong, you don’t learn anything at all.”

“There are a few things having to do with moral decline that I would like to touch on. The fact that our children are making fun of other kids to the point where they go psycho and kill everyone, forces me to believe that we are giving our children prejudices that are hurting other kids, and forcing them to think there’s no way out but to go homicidal. I think putting morals and prayer into school would help this. And maybe it would help our drug problem. I had a rather radical idea about the drug issue. You might think I’m crazy, and I’m not sure myself if I would do this because it is sort of irrational. I would make drugs legal. Because from the people that I know who do drugs, they do it because it’s illegal and the adrenaline rush they get from doing something illegal, is almost the only thing that keeps them from being straight. If you make them legal, maybe there’d be a huge drug party for about a week, some people might die, but those are the dumb ones and we really don’t need them around anyway. But the majority would just lose interest after a while, because it’s no longer FUN for them. (This is one of my more interesting ideas, and I’m not sure myself if it’d work.) Another thing that might help is our somewhat apathetic way of looking at abortion. I am pro-life because I believe life in any form is precious and it isn’t our right to kill whenever we feel like it. We have criminals on death row for murder, but mothers that think they can have sex and get pregnant, because they can always get an abortion, walk the streets free. I do not understand why people think this is different, because you are killing an innocent life. I see no difference at all. I will make abortion illegal, because as far as I am concerned, this is also murder. Some types of killing might not be as bad however. On the subject of Euthanasia I believe it should be the person’s choice, not the families choice. Because I know that if I was bed-ridden with some life threatening illness, or even is I was a complete vegetable, I would not wish to be kept alive if the only life I’d have from that point on involves only lying in bed 24-7, while breathing off a respirator. That, to me, is no life at all. I would rather be dead. Plus, the families of course are going to want to keep you alive, because they think as long as you’re breathing you’re alive, but as soon as you lose reality, there isn’t much life to be lived. I think Euthanasia should be an option if the person wished it before hand. Some people now are telling their families to make sure they are not kept alive if they are in the vegetable state.”

“I want to try to do my best in saving our environment. People in this country are way too apathetic about the Earth and all it’s gifts. They don’t understand that once it’s gone, it’s gone forever. We’re killing rainforests, cutting down trees, and we’re killing off natural resources one by one. Once those are gone, you’ll notice because human life will begin to deteriorate, and nothing will be left. We can’t make synthetically what we need to survive without the actual resource in the area. Humans aren’t the only species on Earth, we just act like it.”

“We have too many homeless people. I think we should get people to work, even doing odd jobs, just to get them some money so they can live with the real world. I’d raise the minimum wage so people that have odd jobs could at least make enough to survive. And I’d make welfare so that you have to work in order to get it, unless you’re mentally or physically unable. I don’t think you should get money for slacking off, because it’s not right when people have to work to get their money. We can’t keep giving it out for free anymore. I’d also like to make health care more affordable, because many people cannot afford it and those people die because the doctors decide they can’t help you because you’re broke. This isn’t fair at all. And I would also like to limit the amount of money that illegal aliens get from us as well, because they came here, they should at least become citizens. We can’t support people from other places if we can’t even support our own people.”

“I would also like to give more money to AIDS and Cancer research. We as the government spend our money like drunken sailors. We give money to “scientists” to test which side of the nostril smells things differently. Who cares? All I know is that my nose has the ability to let me smell things. I don’t think we should waste our money on that, when we could be curing life-threatening diseases.”

“ My name is Jon Davis, I’m running for president and I’m representing the Green Party because the democrats and the republicans are getting to big and greedy to actually make decisions for the people. They don’t really help the people in any way at all. Unlike them, we are not out to make money for ourselves. We want to help you, not become Masters of the Universe. Thank you for your time, and vote for me! Thanks!”