Zhivko's Sarcastic Paper! (AKA

This paper was written by this weird Bulgarian friend of mine. i thought it was really funny, so i asked to be able to put it on my page. read it, and remember, this is not being serious! ~Raeanne

Today in our beloved country there is one problem that needs an urgent solution. And that is school violence. Every year there is hundreds of cases where students try to hurt other students, sometimes mortally. Something has to be done and I have a solution for that problem.

First, we all know what causes school violence. Kids in the big cities listen to rap, metal, and rock music full of violence, vivid descriptions of murder, pre-marital sex and all the immoral things one could think of. In contrast, kids in the small towns don't listen to that kind of music. The good old country that they are subjected to everyday doesn't cause such things. Therefore, as the first step for my solution, all music except country shall be banned. It is clear that everyone who listens to bands like Metallica, Marilyn Manson, DMX and others is a threat to society and should be put in juvenile detention facilities. This is the only way that we could prevent a bunch of Satanic minded treacherous people from taking over our virtuous country.

This, however, won't be enough. While music is the major cause for school violence, there is still many others. For example, video games. They are full of violence, horror, and immorality. They are dreaded instruments to spark violence in young students. It is obvious that they cause severe hatred towards life in all kids who play them. As kids get more and more entangled in the repugnant world of video games they become more and more secluded, unsociable, and, at the end, violent. In addition, video game players tend to recruit young innocent boys and girls to engage in their bloodthirsty way of life. As you can all see, we all need to stop that. All kids that play or have at some point in their life played video games should be sent to the juvenile detention centers too. Video games should all be destroyed and banned from our righteous country.

Finally, we reach the last problem concerning teenagers and violence, and that is not spending enough time with their parents. From now on, teens should be required by law to spend at least eight hours a day with their parents doing various family activities such as watching soap operas, fishing, going to church, hiking and so on. Any parents who fail to do that will be sent to parent detention centers while the kids to juvenile detention centers. Parents should have complete control over their kids. There should be no room for privacy. Parents will be required to attend a course on how to search their kids' rooms without being noticed, how to listen to their kids' phone conversations, how to search for notes in their kids' backpacks and books and so on. Any parent who fails to do all that should be fined and if the problem persists, sent to the detention center.

As you all see, this is clearly the only way to solve the problem. Music and video games are clearly instruments of death and destruction, which can destroy our way of life. This is the only solution, which will help us achieve peace, liberty and happiness in our noble country.