This is who I am

Doctor Evil's Life Story
The details of my life are quite inconsequential...really. Oh very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlesly self improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with a low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15 year old French prostitute named Cloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical; summers in Rangoon.....luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds; pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma rituistictly shaved my testicles. There is nothing like a shorn scrotum.....I suggest you try it.

"When Adam and Eve first saw each other, that's when the blues started. No matter what anybody says, it all comes down to the same thing: a man, a woman, and a broken home-you know what I mean?"
John Lee Hooker

Some of my Favorite Quotes:

"Life is too important to be taken seriously." - Oscar Wilde
"Every day people are straying away from church and going back to God." - Lenny Bruce
"Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart." - Confucius
"When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." - Chinese Proverb
"I put my heart and my soul nto my work, and have lost my mind in the process." - Vincent Van Gogh
"I'm an angel. Honest. The horns are just there to hold the halo up straight." - Unknown
"What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you start?" - Unknown
"He who feels it, knows it more." - Bob Marley
"Everything has beauty. Not everyone sees it." - Gandhi
"If you can't convince them, confuse them." - Harry S Truman
"Not all those who wander are lost." - Bilbo Baggins (Lord of the Rings)
"Never look down on anybody unless you're helping him up." - Jesse Jackson
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on." - Robert Frost
"I never let schooling interfere with my education." - Mark Twain
"If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything." - Aparajito Sen

Have you ever heard the story of the Fisher King?

It begins with the Fisher King who as a boy had to spend a night alone in the forest so that he could prove his courage and earn the right to become king. While he was alone in the forest, he was visited by a sacred vision. Out of the fire appeared the Holy Grail, the symbol of God's divine grace. Though he was frightened, he moved closer to the beautiful vision. A voice spoke to the boy, saying "You shall be the keeper of the Holy Grail, that is may heal the hearts of men." Anyone should be honored by the chance to hold the grail, to use it to heal others, but the boy was blinded by greater visions, of a life ahead filled with power and glory...and beauty. In this state of radical amazement, he felt, for a brief moment, not like a boy, but invincible, like God. So he reached into the fire to take the Holy Grail into his hands, but it vanished. The boy's hands were left in the flames, to be terribly burned. He returned to the castle, where he was heralded and showered with praise, but he felt strangely empty inside. As the boy grew older, his wound grew deeper, more painful, more troubling, until one day, he had no faith left in any man, not even himself. He could not love or feel loved. In time, he became king, and he surrounded himself with many brave knights and he fought for glory and virtue and honor. He became very powerful, very glorified, very idolized, but he still felt empty. He searched for the Holy Grail, which he was chosen to safeguard, but his failure to find the grail made him feel worse. He was so sick with the experience that he started to die. As he did so, so did his kingdom, and that terrified his people, so they mobilized to find the one thing that would save him, the Holy Grail. They wandered far and wide searching for it, and brought many cups and grails and goblets back to him, but alas, they could not find the one true, Holy Grail.

One day, a fool wandered into the castle and found the Fisher King alone. Being simple-minded, he didn't see a king, he saw a man alone and in pain. "What ails you, friend?" he asked the king.

The Fisher King whispered, "I'm thirsty...I need a sip of water to cool my throat."

So the fool selected a cup from the many on the table, filled it with water and handed it to the king. As the Fisher King began to drink he realized that his wound was healed. He looked down at his hands, and there was the Holy Grail. He turned to the fool and asked, "How could you find that which my brightest and bravest could not?"

The fool replied, "I don't know. I never knew to look for the Holy Grail, I only knew that you were thirsty, and I wanted to help you."

--Adapted from The Story of the Fisher King, written by Richard LaGravenese--

Personal Information (If you care)