With the end of the 2000 pro football season here in Minnesota, we are excited to offer the following items in our annual end-of-the-season closeout sale. Order fast, these items are sure to move!
* 40 pairs of testicles (most are shriveled or not fully developed)
* 40 hearts (like new, many not even used)
* 40 spines (still in the box)
* Two outside linebackers (D. Rudd, E McDaniel ... make offer; 20% discount if both ordered)
* One former All-Pro defensive lineman (J. Randle ... no decent offer refused ... can play tackle or end with equal inefficiency; terrifying face paint included)
* Entire defensive secondary kit ... this all-in-one solution is perfect for college teams finishing in the middle of the BCS standings who want a quick upgrade; pro teams who want a complete defensive secondary taxi
squad; or XFL teams looking for slow, confused d-backs to get burned (resulting in high-scoring games, thereby boosting their TV ratings)
* Genuine autographed Denny Green game plan ... great novelty item, always good for some laughs; note: some pages have authentic food stains
SPECIAL OFFER!
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Free with each order, your choice of the following:
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* David Palmer or Troy Walters bobble-head dolls (actual size) ... these cute little guys make great gifts or dashboard mementos of an actual NFL
season
* Wassa Serwanga jersey ... slightly torched by NY Giants Receivers
* Robert Tate poster ... showing #28 in his classic "hands-on-hips because I just gave up six" pose
* Todd Steussie autographed penalty flag ... with all 47 of his holding and illegal motion penalties this year listed on both sides
* Randy Moss mouth guard ... size extra large; not guaranteed to prevent foot in mouth disease.
* Tube of Mitch Berger groin pull ointment
* Classic Cris Carter "first down" pose statuette ... like new (not used since January 7)
* Robert Smith knee cartilage chips
* Miniature Armen Terzian whiskey bottle ... a replica of the bottle tossed from the stands that brained back judge Armen Terzian during the classic Vikings-Cowboys playoff game in the 1970s, after Terzian failed to call Drew Pearson for offensive pass intereference against Nate Wright.. a must-have for any true Vikings fan
To order, call Winter Park, headquarters of the Vikings in Eden Prairie. Red McCombs is standing by to take your order now!
