Use Your Illusion
Rating: 6

Dear Abby:
   ”Karl” and I met a few days after he had broken up with his girlfriend, “Liza.” My brother introduced us. I was leery at first. I had heard Liza was pregnant with Karl’s child, but he told me it was over between them. I guess Karl said all the right things because we immediately hooked up and our relationship got serious fast.
   A week later, Liza called Karl to “discuss the baby.” At that point, Karl and I were living together. He went to see her and didn’t return until morning. Liza called me in the middle of the night, announced that she and Karl were back together, and told me that I had to move out. Since there wasn’t time to find a new apartment, I moved into the guest room.
   Surprisingly, we have all been getting along really well, but there is something that I haven’t told them – I am also pregantnt with Karl’s child.
   I really don’t know what to do . Karl has two kids on the way and they are less than a month apart. Please help.    —A Hopeless Pregnant Woman

Dear Hopeless:
   You may be worried whether your child will get enough attention from his father, who will certainly be stretched thin coping with two children raised by different mothers. But take heart from the example of Mike Clink. Mike is a widely respected producer of hard rock records, and his work on Guns n’ Roses first album, Appetite for Destruction is considered a hallmark of mainstream metal production. But there he was working with a collection of two-guitar riff rockers: once you master the formula, it’s smooth sailing.
   Clink was faced with a much bigger challenge for the group’s second album: they wanted to record every damn song they ever wrote, from epic piano ballads to banjo-driven funk pieces to acoustic barbershop harmonies to creaky shuffles. There’s even one or two songs that sound like their first record. And practically everyone in the band wanted to sing!
   Clink, being a man of patience and resourcefulness, found a way to achieve a uniform sound. First he fired the original, interesting drummer and replaced him with a guy who plays the same no matter what the song. Second, he used generous amounts of digital reverb on all the instruments to give them that pleasant early-90’s sheen. All told, it worked marvelously. While the songs themselves are a mixed bag, it sounds just fine.
   So don’t worry, Hopeless. If Mike Clink can make a record out of these songs, Karl will do just fine with his kids. Mazel tov!

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