10. STRIKE ONE:
England: A German "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, shows up at customs with his golf bag. While making idle chatter
about golf, the customs official realizes that the tourist does not know what a "handicap" is. The customs official asks the tourist to
demonstrate his swing, which he does--backward! A substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf bag.
9. "HELLO? GUNS FOR HIRE?"
Arizona: A company called "Guns for Hire" stages gunfights for Western movies, etc. One day, they received a call from a 47-
year- old woman, who wanted to have her husband killed. She got 4-1/2 years in jail.
8. SAY CHEESE!
A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole--are you ready for this?--the bank's video camera. While it was
recording. Remotely. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself
stealing the camera.)
7. DROP EVERYTHING AND RUN!
Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck.
Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove
home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate
still attached to the bumper.
6. JUST FORGET IT!
Virginia: Two men in a pickup truck went to a new-home site to steal a refrigerator. Banging up walls, floors, etc., they
snatched a refrigerator from one of the houses, and loaded it onto the pickup. The truck promptly got stuck in the mud, so these brain
surgeons decided that the refrigerator was too heavy. Banging up *more* walls, floors, etc., they put the refrigerator BACK into the
house, and returned to the pickup truck, only to realize that they locked the keys in the truck--so they abandoned it.
5. OUCH!
A man successfully broke into a bank's basement through a street-level window, cutting himself up pretty badly in the process.
He then realized that (1) he could not get to the money from where he was,(2) he could not climb back out the window through which he had
entered, and (3) he was bleeding pretty badly. So he located a phone and dialed "911" for help . . .
4. LETS DO A LITTLE MATH
A man walked into a Circle-K (a convenience store similar to a 7-11), put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When
the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The
man took the cash from the clerk and fled-- leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen
dollars.
3. I KNOW I FORGOT SOMETHING
Indiana: A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery store and demanded all the money in the register. When the cashier handed
him the loot, he fled--leaving his wallet on the counter.
2. YOU MEAN ME?
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his
partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
Only in Michigan...
And the #1 DUMBEST CRIMINAL is...
1. THE HEFTY BAG
A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head--and realized
that he'd forgotten to cut eye holes in the mask.