Step 1) I can control how the disease affects me and my relative.
Caregivers find that modern medicine will do little to treat or prevent progression of the disease. Caregivers soon realize which aspects of care they can control and where they have no control. While the disease process will not change, caregivers become skilled at reducing disruptive behavior and controlling their own attitude toward that behavior.
Step 2) I need to take care of myself.
A most difficuklt lesson to learn is that in order to continue effectively providing care for their loved one, they must take care of themselves. Often, healthcare professionals and others play important roles, giving caregivers permission to take care of themselves first.
Step 3) I need to symplify my lifestyle.
Caregivers learn to identify what is most important, what they should take care of immediately, and what must receive most f their attention. As the time needed for caregiving increases, other activities are adapted or dropped.
Step 4) I need to allow others to help me.
Caregivers who have lived most of their lives thinking they are, and should be, independent, may view asking for help as a sign of weakness. Along with allowing others to help, they need to learn to ask for help too.
Step 5) I need to take one day at a time.
This step reinforces the importance of thinking only as far as ahead of today's challenges and helps caregivers to focus their energies on what is most important in the short term. It also lessens feelings of being overwhelmed by events that may never happen.
Step 6) I need to structure.
The memory impairment brought on by AD requires structure, routine, and ritual for the affected family member. By providing these, the caregiver brings a sense of safety and security to their loved one's daily life. Then the caregiver can use limited time and energy more efficently.
Step 7) I need to have a sense of humor.
A sense of humor helps caregivers through difficult situations. Maintaining a sense of humor means being objective enough to see comedy as well as irony in embarrassing or otherwise painful situations.
Step 8) I need to remember that my relative's behavior and emotions are distorted by his or her illness.
Caregivers generally understand the disease process of dementia, but they may take disruptive behavior personally. If caregivers are able to keep objective viewpoints about their experience, they can better separate the disease from the person.
Step 9) I need to focus on and enjoy what my relative can still do.
Caregivers report that what helps them through the process of caregiving is to be able to see who their relative is in the present, as well as recall and appreciate who this person was in the past. Enjoying good moments is a way caregivers can help themselves through current difficulties.
Step 10) I need to depend on other relationships for love and support.
As AD progresses, the person with AD becomes less and less available to the caregiver. Caregivers increasingly must look to other family members and friends for the love and support that the impaired family member once provided.
Step 11) I need to remind myself that I'm doing the best I can this very moment.
Once caregivers realize that they will not be able to handle every situation perfectly, they can acknowledge their human limitations, develop a sense of self-acceptance, and feel satisfied with how they manage a particular event or respond to a disruptive behavior.
Step 12) A Higher Power is available to me.
Many caregivers believe that their Higher Power has assisted them through difficult situations, and that this same power has helped them find meaning through their caregiving experience. Some caregivers have found a book of prayers specifically relating to AD to be a useful resource.
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