Mary had a little lamb,
as I'm sure all of you know.
The tale is told both far and wide
of the lamb with fleech of snow.
But did you know that little Mary,
in her barnyard bliss,
left portions of this tale untold
and many people pissed.
So let us explore the story more,
and learn the awful truth
of the lamb who just wouldn't stay home
and the girl of wonderous youth.
When little Mary left for class
that bright and shiny day,
she gave her little lamb a pet
and said to him "now stay!"
Then off she went, that little girl,
to learn her ABC's
While the lamb, obeying his master's order,
decided to catch some Z's.
Sleeping in a grassy field
and dreaming of his life,
the lamb had a horrible vision,
of little Mary and a knife.
And in this vision, the lamb did see
his owner tride and true
chop up his tender, flessy hide
and dump it in a stew.
Jolting awake from his terrible dream,
the lamb just sat in fear
of the terrible fate that awaited him,
and in his eye there formed a tear.
"She plans to kill you", his conscience spoke,
"and cook you in a stew.
After all the love you've shown to her,
THIS is the thanks she gives you?!
If I were you, and you know I am,
I'd follow her to school
And get that little bitch in trouble
For being so damn cruel".
And that's just what the lamb did do,
On this dark and tragic day,
He sprinted all the way to school
Saying "Mary will pay.
I'll walk right over to her teacher,
the portly Mrs. Toaf,
Then pop a squat upon her desk
and there I'll pinch a loaf".
And so it was the lamb arrived,
and looked inside the class
preparing for the giant turd
to squeeze out from his ass.
But to his surprise, and to his shock,
as he peered out from the door
He overheard Mary speak
about the particularly bloody chore.
"I'll shear him first, that lamb of mine,
So his coat will not turn red.
Then I'll take to his throat a knife
And that will leave him dead.
I do not WANT to kill my pet,
For he has been so kind,
But we are starving at my house
And our rent is 6 months behind".
So that was it, that was the reason
his master wanted him killed.
It was a matter of survival
That his blood must be spilled.
Still, he did not want to die
So he abandoned his plan
In favor of running far away
to some other distant land.
But the children had allready spotted him,
and they shrieked at Mary with joy.
But Mary realized the lamb had heard
All about her little ploy.
So she ran into the hall at once
and stopped her little lamb.
She explained that what he may have heard
Was nothing but a sham.
"I would never make you into stew,
My faithful little pet.
You have no further need to worry,
You have no need to fret".
The lamb then began to weep
So happy he was spared.
He thanked Mary for saving his life
And was no longer scared.
And Mary embraced her fuzzy lamb,
in a loving and tender hug.
She stared sincerely into his eyes
and from his ear she flicked a bug.
"I could never make you into stew"
She said inside her head.
"Besides", she added hastily,
"I prefer lambchops instead".
