Something's been happening to me,
the rugs been pulled out from under me.
something unintended and unforseen.
a torrent storm ripps through my complacency
a clear cool current sweeps my blind doubt away.
when here beside me, you still lay.
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what am i afraid of you ask me? of the world,
of pressure,
of responsibility,
accounability.
i'm afraid of athority,
of not measuring up,
of not having the key.
of being seen for the uncertain cowardice i feel
when you turn your gaze to look apon me.
i know i measure up in my world
but in your's i feel so inept,
so slow and foggy, so emotional, weak, and unkept
i cower in your presence,
under your eye.
so insecure i feel i could die
i wonder if you know and are just too polite to let it show.
what is it that makes me so different and so wrong?
its beyond my smile and beyond my charm.
I'm the kind that many are fond of,
yet no one cares to know,
worse yet, maybe they do and choose to let it go
'cause no one really wants to, well ... you know.
yet the flaw runs deaper still.


i feel everyone can see that its you who betrayed my innocent trust,
the anger the rage seeping inside,
with no place to vent and no place to hide
i rage at you from the deapths of inside.
giving up hope to cool complacency.
shallow friendliness, smiles and teary misery

cool yet numb, a bit of me frozen inside,
i continue on with only half my pride.
the wound does not forget beytrayals gone too deap
under my cool exterior the results i reap.
of a place lost and dying, reserected undead
of a price i knew not of,
untill its collecting day
bled.

now where to turn to, how to release this growing thing
that causes me to hate, feel envy , be defencive,...
i'm obsessing.
maybe its with experience, and age i'm being blessed.
the baggage from the growing years of distress
yet, there seems too little room left with in my soul,
to house this hatered,
growing out of control.
it seems to multiply
in this
dark hole.

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