Where is it, the peace of mind,
the comfort inside,
that envelopes my mind.
The empty hole of insecurity,
rages deep inside, all despite me.
Efforts to hide my loneliness for pride.
Confidence and grounding I just can't find.
I can't seem to place,
where the demon got its face.
I often think its longing for another that I taste.
Then again I ponder,
its been here for so much longer.
Has it always been me, the part that I deny?
The aching, the torment, that makes me cry?
A smile on my face, silly acts of disgrace,
a frail escape, helps me keep pace.
To keep up with you, and the rest of your world.
The one you seem so comfortable in, and so completely unfurled.
I want to connect, to feel free, to escape,
with my heart so fearfull, jaded, and alone
will I ever find that place,
that place
I can
call
home?
Where to begin looking, to conceptualize and trust.
To believe its out there,to be hopefull's a must.
Start with me is where to begin,
where I come from and my shakey origin.
Work through those vows, those fears,
& make them my own,
give them a face, a name and a tone.
Release old structures, old consepts, old grounds.
Release the innocence, and other's experiences,
to which I've been bound.
18.09.00
