there are so many things i have worked so hard for, a family, a relationship, companionship that works. so many lonley nights, so many hopeless thoughts. the idea had occured to me that not only was i flawed, but also the world around me did not produce trustworthy,loyal and kind companions, it only created suspicious bitter people, who in the end would only wanted control. i'm learning that there are possibilities and love even.
dispite this there is you,
you threaten my comfort by engaging my curriosity. i think about you often, i want to know you in so many ways. if i hadn't found what i've found, if i still believed in randomness, i would've already tasted you i would have succum to your tentitive advances, you arouse me in a powerful way.
in some way i regret being here, as i refuse to risk what i've yearned for and created. yet i still am drawn to you, dispite my strong determinations. i know i am playing with fire, but i am also hoping that it will turn out okay - in that i am still able to respectfully maintain what i have with out betrayal, and still know what it is i need to know about or from you to satisfy my curriosity.
I hope this isn't wrong.
