jennifer fulks
http://www.angelfire.com/mi3/querks/

fulksjen@hotmail.com

http://www.angelfire.com/mi3/querks/
fulksjen@hotmail.com

The excitement i feel when i come into a room, a room where you are, i can't even look up. All week I've played with the memory of your words, the sound of your voice, the taste of your mouth. today i was asked what would i do if tomorrow were the end. I smiled to myself and thought,...i'd make love to you. That feeling i came home with that starry night, is a mix of mischievous curiosity, and an emotional high. i think about you lots, and wonder too, if you're thinking of me ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------We made love for the first time on a late friday night, in your van. you leaned over and kissed me with an urgency and passion that made my head swim. after a few honks of the horn (as i was sitting on your steering wheel) we decided to "retire" to the back. once there we were engulfed in heat and passion, all the while i was desperately trying to establish exactly how far i would go. which ended up to be futile, as i soon lost myself in our writhing embrace. you felt so good inside me - it all happened so quickly, i could barely catch my breath. it was what i'd been thinking/dreaming about, but now that i could have you i felt overcome with doubt - of myself, of my decisions, my insecurities and fears. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------sept 3/00 we made love for the last time fri the 1st, i knew it was wrong for you but i was hoping i could change your mind. of course, that was the wrong choice, because instead of feeling close to you i felt cheep and worthless, like trash. i am still feeling the sting of rejection, and coupled with my own deep insecurities, i have been feeling a great cloud of sadness and resent with life. yet these are things which i need to be reminded of... that p.r. is one of the most difficult things in life, and when someone says no, it probably means just that. ~and too, i am just as unready for even the most "casual" of caring/ intimate relationships right now as ever. it's just so sad when an intimate and potentially special thing becomes so "cheep", and empty. i want to share these things with you, but i'm afraid you'd think me too intense, and maybe i should leave well enough alone. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------sun. sept 10/00 i know it scares the shit out of you when i write to you, i'm not sure why, but i can guess that it makes you worry that there are some kind of expectations i have...really, i'm just not so good at articulating myself, and quietly writing helps me "get out/ clarify" what i have to say without stumbling over words. most of the time i just write to myself, its how i cope. i've been thinking of you frequently over the past few days. i even called you at work last week, which is really tough for me 'cause calling your work, i feel like i'm interrupting your life. anyway, i've been thinking alot and I'm of two minds about things. 1st i really hit it off with you physically speaking, its like you already know my body, and like we've been lovers for years...i crave that connection so badly, yet its so easy to be intimate with you that i worry i've given you the wrong impression. also, from knowing myself fairly well, i know that i am not capable of strictly physical relationships, which brings me to my second point, i can tell that you're the kind of person that i could fall hard for, i mean, i don't know you really well, but so far i have the impression that you are kind, straight forward, true to your ideals, hard working, persistent, non-dependant, have a good sense of humor, fairly relaxed... those are all qualities that i truly admire, coupled your looks and wonderful deep voice, i could go on, but i think you get the point. it scares me so much that a huge part of me doesn't want to even go near you. then there's that physical, lackadaisical, side that says "go with it, it's not going to hurt anything to just hang out every so often". its the part that is so curious about, and craves you, like a drug, and makes all the good excuses for why i should be around you. i think that part is stronger than the rest of me.