Well lets see... My Life in random thoughts

9/7/01

• Nothings really been happening laterly. I've been kinda bored with life, nothing funs really been happening I guess. Theres been some cool stuff that has happen in the last couple of weeks like the hardcore match type thing we did at Steves, the football game we had that Nats came too(that was cool), and lunch is kinda cool thats about it. Maybe cause I never put a effort for myself to make me happy only others. Thats the kind of person I am i guess, a giver of happiness.
• Football is surpost to happen this weekend at 1:00pm saturday. This should be cool I just hope it ends up well.
• Lately I've been drawing a lot instead of writing, I've kind of lost touch with me drawing so I figured I should draw again. I've turn out pretty cool stuff, and hope to do more in the future like that.
• My classes are cool this year I really like them even my AP English class is even cool. I like english, it's cool be I've always kinda like poetry and at times even books.
• Finally tennis, I can't wait till play more. I've been playing lately and doing swell, I hope this keeps up. I am going to get first singles I hope but I won't find out till later.

• Bye

9/9/01

• Hey yeah I guess today going ot be all though I need sleep.Yesterday was cool, the football game was fun. I got hit hard by Steve but it really wasn't that bad. Oh, I made a cool catch that I didn't think I was going to catch.
• Alex and I played video games all last night well kinda I was the one really to play until like 5:00am. It was cool I really got into the game. :-)
• So that means today i'm tired. yawn...... o well. Can't wait till tomorrow I have some stuff to do.
• Oh I think later today I'll day a little then sleep. That'll be cool.

• Bye

9/10/01

• Wow, today was cool in many ways, lets see first drama was cool because went went on stage and acted (key word there Acted) like asses. Which was really spiffy and fun. Next was marketing but that was a slow class and I really didn't do a thing. Then we come to humanities. Wow, that was gay but the cool thing about that class was I got to draw the whole day! Yahoooooo..... Next was psych. which was sweet. We learn about personality disorders and I noticed I had a lot of a little. I'll write the ones i have later because I didn't bring home my notes.... tsk tsk tsk....

• I got to see Nats today but I really didn't talk. I couldn't to tell the truth. I was going to go play tennis with Adam after school but he couldn't he needed to do shit. I was hoping I could talk to Nat then but nah. Maybe tomorrow.

• DBZ is going to be sweet today I can't wait!! Yeah go DBZ! Finally new episodes. Hopefully there going to be cool.

• Fo all you's that don't know it's Mary Grace's b-day tomorrow! So say hi to her tomorrow. Happy Birthday Mary Grace tomorrow!

• Last on a bad note, I'm sick. I fell like crap on a stick. I hope I get better in the next couple of days. So I'm going to go eat food now and sleep a little bit.

• Bye

9/13/01

• Well sorry I haven't been updating mu journal but I've been busy, also my brother has been doing school shit. Oh Well...

• Lets see first well start with how I am... I'm fine:-)... hehe yeah what a start!! um nah I"m doing a lot in a little time. Life's really goofed up but I wouldn't have it any other way. Seen Nats every once and a while, thats always fun. Working on a cool story, I might add it sometime to my page but it would take a long time.

• I like cookies!!!

• I'm listening to goldfinger!!! they rock, Goldfinger is a sweet band I think everyone should at least have one of there CD's

• Oh back to the Psych class thing I got the stuff I am------)>

Personality Disorders

1. Borderline = Self damaging thinking to much

2. Obsessive/Compulsive = orderly

3. paranoid = won't confide in others

4. Schizoid = detached, solitary

• Thats bad in many ways but thats ok I don't mind. At least I know whats wrong.

• lately I've had a lot on my mind but maybe it will go away later....

• Bye

9/17/01

• Wow, today was sweet! My first hour class was pretty cool. I've been working on a story like I said before and it's turing out so sweet. Later school itself was ok I guess.

• Went to the girls tennis game today. They won! How cool! Nat, Mary Grace, and um other people won... :-) Right now I'm talking to Mary Grace... HELLO!! Good job peoples!!!

• I had tennis lesson after the game. It was me, Cavin, Alex and three freshman. It was swett yet tiring, and my feet hurt. Oh well...

• Today I had a bit on my mind, hopefully it all works out.

• Oh, and for all you fine women out there, yes Tony Papciak is going to go stag for Homecoming. So if you want come see me and I will save a dance for you!

• Bye

9/28/01

• This past week was shit. I gave up all my life for some days and I'm still not recovered. This weekend I felt like I lost something inside me and it did want to come back out. I thought about it more and more and I came to realise it was my soul. I lost who I was. I looked and searched for an answer not even knowing what I was looking for. As I started to pick up the peices, trying to think about why it was in my puzzle, kinda like looking through spare change seeing if I could throw away some. Well as I was picking it up something in my life forced me to drop everything all over again. From that moment on I noticed that the little things that I lost touch of ment so much to me. Examples would be like trust, love, hope, and freedom. Although I wouldn't say they were who I was, they still mattered the most. When I lost touch of myself Sunday I took off my braclets. This doesn't seem like much, but to me they are a symbol of me. When I lost myself I had to lose that symbol. Only when I found myself I will put them back on. Finding myself will and might take along time, but this is something I deffenently have to do. I perfer to do this by myself but help is always needed. I can't and shouldn't think about the past anymore when the future only counts now. I use to live in the past, only because it was the most important thing to me. But as I look back to it it makes me happy and sad at the same time. Notice if you did something bad and your parents found out you'd say well thats in the past and it's done and over with, well I always thought that was something you say to get a lesser punishment. Now the more I think about it the more meaning comes from it. Well lets hope I find me soon!

• On a light note, I haven't been sad today, thats good!

• Girls Girls Girls, who the hell can figure them out? Not me! Well maybe in the near future I will at least understand them a little more :-) I hope!

• Bye

10/3/01

• Wells it's been a while(not the song), I really have done much lately. I've been looking for a job, and hanging out with my friend Joe mostly. I got to see my friends at lunch all together and wow did it seem like we haven't seen each other for like ages. I felt all warm and fuzzy inside. For the first time in a long time I noticed that this might be all gone in the future. Sad really isn't it, to think that something so good and kind could change so fast. Life's precious and shouldn't be shruged off. Hold it like you would hold a baby, not only should you love life, you should find life loves you(Awwww wasn't that cute). Yeah I guess I'm in a sarcastic mood. Today was kinda like that, I really don't know why. Maybe it that emo music shit adam, tom, and I were talking about. How it's cool not to be cool. That people cry that they had a hard life when in turn they hadn't had the worst life in the world.

• Ok now girls, well what can I say. Thier cool an all, I just hate the fact that they can come straight out and say "Hey, want to do something" they always wait till you say it. This sucks because some guys:

1. don't have the balls to say or even go up to them

2. Don't know if they like them or even know who they are

3. Don't freakin understand them and get the wrong hints

4. Worst of all don't even know the girl and might see them once and a while, while in fact they have a made crush on you and you don't even know it!!!

• All and all thats what I came too.

• Ok this pacts on Teacher, lately I noticed some teachers can't teach some stuff and focus on just giving us what we need to know not teaching us how to do it (fish or fishing). This really makes me mad because some people want to do well in school but can't do shit cause they don't know how to do it. Yeah you can see the teacher for help but some kids can't do that because they feel stupid. Or the teacher could suck and say I already told you go ask another student for help, which sucks because the other students don't know what the fuck to do too. Others won't even bother to find out or ask and just get F's. Sometimes it not the students fault but the Teachers. This is not always true but can be! TO ADD MORE COMMENTS ON THIS E-MAIL ME!! Sandman_84_24@hotmail.com PLZ

• Last, I've been doing better in my soul search soon I hope to get it... It all will work out in the end...

• Bye

Oct. 31, 2001

1. First off for those of you that can't read what it says above it says: rip off society.. blow the world.. a hundred causes, a thousand reasons, but they all come down to the same basic message -- smash the rotten social structure and build a new world on the rubble. Now what this means to me is war to gain peace and or war to so independence/better thoughts. It is kinda what Cory and Adam talk about but yet I fully don't understand it. It just kinda makes me think about society in general if it's good or bad. Words like "freedom" and how we perceive(think about) it be aren't always what they seem. Everyone’s "freedom" is different just by what we think "freedom" is. The dictionary says: "freedom" from restraints or from oppression, but is that true "freedom"? Some say we have rights, doesn't that grant us "freedom"? Adam says, "People see and act like those rights are some amazing thing that our government gives us but they aren’t. They are unalienable rights that if any body of government tries to limit we should protect them." I fully agree with this. They’re basic rights that we all have. They are peaces of are freedom, just they not the whole pie!! But some say with complete "freedom" leads to Anarchy. This is always true but is there away to prevent anarchy? Probably not, most everyone will say. But, I think the word "freedom" means: not being categories, free from society, but that seems too much to ask for from such a simple word. Chadd says, "Freedom comes in many different shades. You have limited freedoms, complete freedom, and no freedom.

1. Limited Freedom is what we have in the U.S. They're the basic rights... we can say what we want, we can carry a weapon if we want, we can vote for our leaders, so forth...
2. Complete freedom is limited freedom PLUS the right to kill anyone you want, take anything you want, not live by any rules (So voting for a ruler is null, since you have the right not to listen to him), so forth.
3. No freedom is pretty self-explanatory. You live in a totalitarian society."

• But we should have the "freedom" to live life to the fullest. I think is restricted by our government. They take and give but to our expense. Taxes, draft, labor at jobs not liked, having us act like dogs/puppets that they control! Yes we should be proud of this country, and protect our "freedom" but to what extent?

• The United States seems to be put down, which in turn makes me mad at times because it's the people that live in the United States that are the ones making fun of it. As with the rights people already have now in America, people are already abusing them. Everything's going to make mistakes at times, even the government. We are humans and are still trying to protect this thing we call "freedom". People make fun of the country because we should have the "freedom" to live life like we wants it to. The government says no we can't have a job because of affirmative actions, blacks before whites. The Government interferes too much but I see why but that takes away the freedom of choice. It's needed but to what extent again. We must remember that there is going to be no PERFECT government. "Unless you live out on your own in the middle of no where, in some un-governed piece of land on this hunk of rock. Then self-government would probably be it. But the government we have at the moment really isn't too bad, if you compare it to other countries." says Chadd, and to this I fully agree. I shall always wish to live on that rock but time will come when I have to move of it and look at the real world. All and all we have it the best, but in true we will never have true "freedom".

• Well that my big speech on how I feel. I hope that you understand. Please e-mail me on how you feel about this... I really want to understand it more from different view points.

• Bye

Nov. 1st, 2001

• Today topic is girls again, well kind of. Did you ever do something for someone you liked but in the mean time was hurting you in the process. Ex. would be like, helping that someone with a problem they had about a guy/girl they liked, just so that they would be happy, all the time hurting you. At you kinda felt happy just knowing they were happy. Yeah, but anywho thats how I feel. Just thought I'd let you guys know.

• This is towards the friends I hang out with, sorry I haven't been hanging out with you guys of late, it for my own reason at the moment, and some times like yesterday I had things on my mind that I wanted to finish up(the "freedom" thing). So I'm sorry guys. Still call me and what not. I'll try and hang out with you guys more often and when I can!

• Tennis condictioning is starting wednesday next week and I'm happy. I gots to get this skinny body back in shape for tennis. It was fun last year for the people that actually went. Lots of laughs! Plus I hope to get a little thicker... not fatter even though I don't get fat. So all and all it plans to be awesome!

• On a lighter note: Tony had a good day:-) although it wasn't as cool and funny as yesterday it was up there. I don't know how but it was good! Thanks for you noodles and toodles!

• Bye

Nov. 2nd, 2001

Nov. 27, 2001

• A lot of shit happened today and yesterday... well not really a lot but a bunch. The list would be:

1. Girls

2. Glasses

3. Parents (because of glasses)

4. and just shit...

• 1. Ok this is something i talk about all the time but i have more to say about it so it will just be a add on. Well how do i want to start, ... um there worst then assholes in some ways, always toying around. This in many ways is my fault at least that how i feel about it. Shit i do around some of them makes me to vulnerable for a attack on myself because i trust them with my feelings and emotions. At times this isn't all that bad, but in truth it is. This truly pisses me off because i don't know how to tell them straight up how i feel and when i do it's in a goof off mood and they don't get the messege. This is not always true unless you really understand how i work. But hell, i don't even understand how i work sometimes! ok ok back to girls now, Girls like to toy with guys and its cool but when you really want to do something with them it's like sorry we're just friends. I always want to talk to my friends about this but i have to choose who i want to talk to about it. It easier to find the right friend to talk to but will never distrust you and tell everyone. And really it's all who you truly feel comfortable with not just who you can tell. There's more to this but all will be revealed in time maybe i haven't desided yet.

• 2. As everyone knows i gots some glasses. There spiffy and help me see. I thinks there cool and all just too much time to keep them clean, untouched, etc.. well monday they got cracked or should i say just one lence got cracked. The did this at Alex house, and i don't really know how either. When i got home my parents yelled at me and said some nasty poop.

• 3. My parents where so mean and everything. I said i was sorry and what not and that everyone one makes mistakes and they said it was just me most of the time, and that i always find a way to screw up something. That hit the ball on nail and popped. I was so mad, and then they go and say i have to pay for the fixing of them. I said they weren't going to charge anything for the glass, but they didn't believe me. I was so piss for the whole day today it wasn't funny. But i wrote some nasty-sweet poetry for creative writing which helped immensely. Then when i got home they said it didn't cost anything then i turned and said see i told you and then got yelled at for being sassy or some poop like that. I'm still pretty pissed but at least i get to sleep soon.

• 4. Well beside being pissed today i was really, super, hugely, tired today and needed much much much sleep. I'm still waiting to sleep but i'm doing this instead because i felt like i had too so i am. Um, now i guess i can talk about how i act with chicks i guess, well i do flirt a lot with them because every chick is lovable in some way, and is normal for me to do it. Just something that i do. It's bad for me to do it because i know when girls do it to me and i like them it sux but... i don't know... that's really i can say.

• Bye

Nov. 28, 2001

• Well i really have nothing, i just really tired and my family(mom and her brother) is talking(out load) to each other and i'm getting sick of it. So i guess i'll sit here and try to write stuff. In ways i feel my mothers pain, but i think at times people have to reach some understanding. YAWN.... i really don't feel like begin here and i want to go for a walk right now and think about whats on my mind, but that never helps me out it just makes me think more. Damn them talking is starting to hurt me inside, because there talking about my grandparents, and i miss them so much. When there talking i remember my life back in the day and i had some much fun with them. I loved them some much but, it just hurts me so much i want to walk into the room where they are and scream and say, "Hey, it's not hurting you it's hurting us your children. I miss them so much and i've had so many good times that i want to remember them not your fighting over what they had!"... well i really don't want to talk about it...

• Just one of those days, oh and thanks adam for the anit-god/religion, how it's all simular.

• i want to write more but i have to many feelings in me right now... sorry.

• Bye

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