Sunday, June 13, 2004
WhOOOO! went clubbing yesterday night at Temple and Spartys. Can ya say we hitted 2 clubs in one night? lol. I had SO much fun!!! A lil tipsy? hell yeah! The buzz was gOooOoooooood....i took a shot of this apple thing from the bar...that shiit was goooood. i hadda lick my lips....mmMmm...thats how good it was....HAHAHA...but yeah...music was bumpin at both places. My back hurts now. haha. Wonder what I was doin? haha...fo sho though...i dont even know what i was doing to make mah back hurt. but yeah. it was great. thanks to tha crew for getting us in VIP baby :)

....So Samie called me at around 10:30AM yesterday morning to see if i wanted to hit the Vue Picnic. But, hahaha...i was too lazy to get up and reach for mah phone. so i letted it ring, and called her back at around 11AM. So, I went to the Vue Picnic at around 12ish? Watched them play volleyball...ate some good food..smoked some weed....ha....ummm...and had fun. I'm surprised i didnt get darker! hehe! Left the park around 8pm. headed to lisa and kous...baked some cookies for er-one, helped cook spring rolls, then off to tha club. :) It was good to see everyone at the picnic. Imma miss that.

Friday, June 11th, 2004
You know...haha..it's pretty fucked up how it's summer...and all I ever tune to is slow depressing music....why does my summer always end up like this ya kno? Do I set myself up in these traps? Well, lets drop that catagory.

Yesterday night, I was not in tha mood to go clubbing. It was just a shitty day for me. But, since nouchee called me, I didn't wanna hoe her, so of course I went. But, I wasnt dressed or anything. I was just gonna bust out in my sweats. but..just incase some hotboys might show up, i just wore some jeans. And boy O boy, it was just us. hahaha. Yeah, I TRIED. Clubbing just aint tha same without the people I normally dance with. And becus of that, I missed him.

You guys....I'm strugglin' so bad. I'm trying to not sink in. I keep telling myself I can walk away cuz I'm not in deep yet......but, the more I'm trying to walk...the more I'm just realizing how much I freakin like him. I didn't even know I liked him this much??? But I do. And that's the hardest part. Am I letting go of something thats suppose to be there? I don't even know how he feels. I just read his actions, and know. Or I think I know. But, he changes his actions within a second. Its like, one moment, we just complete strangers..he doesn't look at me, he doesn't smile, he doesn't talk, no touching...then the next second, he's holding my hand, we're smiling and talking, we're the way we should be. And it's hard to not do those things with him, cuz i know...thats what i want in us. But man, sometimes I just don't want to cuz i know its gonna stab me later. And the more I'm saying I can't take it...the more I feel bad for not doing it, cuz maybe he does feel like I do? Is it me who's doing the down fall? Am I giving wrong signals? Am I not doing enough? Am I not trying hard enough? Am I giving up too quick? Am I being selfish? I want to talk to him about it, but I don't want him to feel as if I'm saying "NOW OR NEVER!!!"....cuz I'm not. What I'm trying to say is "Do I give in? or should I just go?" I don't know how he can love like this.....I'm not sure I can...

.....and man....the dreams are starting to kill me too. What hurts more? Dreams? or Reality? mah gaaa! Can you all tell I'm going crazy? haha. Sorry, these kind of phases come around this time. Especially for me. And can you guys imagine that I'm waiting and hurting all together........thats how much he means to me.

Tuesday, June 8th, 2004
You know, I realized my summer for the past few YEARS always starts off with something relating to a guy who got away? Kinda like a whole "I`m not gonna think of you...but I do" stuff..and it always messes up my summer!! hahaha. Oh Well...their always worth it at the end. I think? Man...I can already tell this summer is gonna be SOOO........sad? Welps...gotta run...bye!

Monday, June 7th, 2004
GOsh....wassup with hospitals these days? Me, my sister and niece was at tha Lansing Mall in Panera Bread getting our meals...then all of a sudden...Lisa said her tummy hurted and she felt light headed...so...we hadda take our food to go...and I hadda drive us to St. Lawrence Hospital into the ER. Stayed there for a few hours...geesh, i was feelin` tha fellas who gotta rush their babys mama to tha hospital cuz she bout to burst...hah! But..this was a different situation...haha! Anyways, it was hot today! but there was a breeze...so it felt okay. so many misquitos!! Kalia and Charlie got a new baby pit! so cute! i think they should name is "dark chocalaTO" :) hmm...wassup with alla these notes nowadays? and alla these people hittin my page? weird. but cool. haha. I needa go find a job or i cant go to Minnesota in July.