This page is dedicated to all those forwards that you want to keep, whether they brought happiness, sadness, or they were just sweet, but just don't have enought room in your mailbox in order to keep them! This is where you'll find them.
The Real Addictions of College
The Worst Way to Break Up...Not What You Think
Letter to Santa the Day After Christmas
Everyone tells you about the vices that you will be faced with when you
go to college; drinking, smoking, drugs, all of which can turn into
vicious addictions. And there are a myriad of programs helping those who
are alcoholics, smokers, and drug addicts. But where are the support
groups for the REAL college addictions?(When there was) NAPSTER: Sure, it seems innocent enough. Let me just download this one
song that I HAVE to have. But soon that one song isn't enough, you've
had a taste, and now you're hooked. You become jealous of your
roommate's extensive collection, or a car drives by your dorm room
blasting your soon to be favorite song. You spend hours downloading.
Just when you think there isn't another song you could possibly want, at 3 am the
assholes downstairs start blast Nelly's Ride Wit Me (with the base
turned up so high intitially you thought your rustic AKA old and decrepit dorm was
collapsing). So you spring out of bed chastising yourself for being so
neglectful for having forgotten that classic (meanwhile the fact that you also forgot to
study for your psyche test doesnt faze you). Then you stare at the
screen, with the anticipation of a pot head watching his friend pack a bowl, watching
the song download with the speed of a one-legged hurdler. Then an hour
and twenty minutes later, when you have 99% of the song ere is a Transfer Error and
you lose the whole damn thing. Then whenever you hear Ride Wit Me,
instead of enjoying the song like you used to, you are fulled with scorn
because you dont have it safely tucked away on your hard drive. Then when
you go to write a paper (because thats what you swore to your parent's
the brand new computer was for) you can't save the document bc there is
no more room. So you tearfully delete the theme song to Gilligan's
Island (which has brought you hours of enjoyment) to make room for your History paper. You
contemplated deleting your Billy Joel collection that you cut class for
three days and it took you 72 hours to download. The aggravation of it all was
probably not worth the $20 it would have cost to buy his greatest hits
CD. Meanwhile the hundreds of dollars you spent on CDs in the past is wasted bc you havent
listened to a CD since you moved in. So you swear that you've had enough
of Napster and you hate it and you hope it gets crushed in court and
you'll never use it again. But the NAPSTER icon is still there, lurking
on your screen, waiting for you to have a relapse.INSTANT MESSENGER: On the surface, a great way to keep in touch with
your high school pals. But beyond the facade (i know, big college vocab
word) it's a sinister force keeping you from studying or sleeping. You
could be studying or reading and you hear the sound of the door opening
and it sends you hurdling for your computer to see who just signed on.
It is nice to chat and keep in touch, but soon instant messenger begins to
dominate your life. You hear the message bleeps in your dreams. You
start to refer to your friends by their screennames. It also encourages extreme laziness.You find yourself iming your roommate who is sitting next to you at her
computer to ask what time she wants to go to dinner. But then there are the lonely
times when no one is signed on or everyone has an away message. One
would think you'd be able to study then but NOOOO! You sit and read
everyone's away messages. You might stop to study for five minutes, then
you get up again to see if anyone's away message changed while you were
gone. In a way, the Away Message is an addiction in itself. You spend hours sitting
at your computer, thinking of a clever away message. You thrive on the
compliments and messages that friends leave you. But then there are those days when
you couldn't think of anything funny to say, or maybe you just didn't
have time.You get back to the dorm and no one left you a message, even though you
were gone for several hours. You feel empty, like you disappointed
everyone. You start judging your self worth by the quality of your away message and the
responses it receives. You get nervous sitting in class, you can't
concentrate, wondering who's on line, if they're reading your away
message, what do they think, what conversations are you missing? Then
you race back to the dorm, grunt hello at your roommate (who is on
instant messenger), plop at your desk and as you place your hands on the
keys and hear the familiar, comforting bleeps of a buddy saying hello,
you finally feel at peace.
SNOOD: DO NOT DOWNLOAD SNOOD!! I don't care who tells you it is a great
game, how much fun it looks, or the happiness you think it will bring
you. It is the DEVIL. It's only purpose is to serve as a distraction
from completing homework. I do not care how much will power you think
you have, this game will destroy you.VENDING MACHINES: They are everywhere on campus! In the dorm, in the
halls, everywhere. You walk past and you can hear the humming of the
Coke machine and it calls to you. And with the will power of a cocaine
addict, you go over and look longingly at the election. You can almost
taste the refreshing soda that you suddenly need to have. And with just
a mere swipe of your card, its yours. Or at times, you're up in your room
and you're attacked by a craving for fat free fruit snacks. You go to
the vending machine with the intention of getting fat free fruit snacks, and
that is it. Yet, somehow, you always seem to come back upstairs
struggling to juggle the fat free fruit snacks, the Doritos, Snickers, Lifesavers, Starbursts, and
Twizzlers that you bought. (OOOPS, must have pressed the wrong
button or something.) Then there is the fact that no one wants to go to
the vending machine alone. You beg your roommate to PLEASE go with you,
like an alcoholic that needs a drink but is embarrassed to go to the bars
alone, several times a day. You feel comforted that others share your
weakness.
You may laugh, but these addictions are real. College students are
caught completely off guard. No one warns you about them, and there is
little help out there in combatting them. Anyone can get sucked in, and
it is hard to break free. For those of you who suffer from any of these
addictions, just know that you are not alone.PS: This is def an exagerration in case any of you were thinking taking
my measurements for a straight jacket. Just another way of
procrastinating and
putting off the work I'm supposed to do.
Dear Santa,You must be surprised that I'm writing to you today, the 26th of
December.... Well, I would very much like to clear up certain things
that have occurred since the beginning of the month. Filled with illusion, I
wrote you my letter. I asked for a bicycle,an electric train set, a pair of roller
blades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying thewhole year.
Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the
whole school. I'm not going to lie to you, there was no one in my entire
neighborhood that behaved better than me with my parents, my brothers,
my friends, and with my neighbors. I would go on errands, and even help the
elderly cross the street. There is virtually nothing within reach that I
would not do for hum anity.What balls do you have leaving me a fucking yoyo, a stupid whistle and a
pair of Socks! What the fuck were you thinking, you Fat Son of a Bitch, that
you've taken me for a sucker the whole fucking year to come out with
some shit like this under the tree. As if you hadn't fucked me enough, you
gave that little homo across the street so many toys that he can't even walk
into his house!Please don't let me see you trying to fit your big Fat Ass down my
chimney next year! I'll fuck you up! I'll throw rocks at those stupid reindeer
and scare them away so you'll have to walk back home, just like I do since
you didn't get me that Fucking bike!Fuck you Santa. Next year you'll find out how bad I can be, you fat
fucking bastard....Sincerely, Little Johnny
*Near to the door*
*he paused to stand*
*as he took his class ring*
*off her hand*
*all who were watching*
*did not speak*
*as a silent tear*
*ran down his cheek*
*and through his mind*
*the memories ran*
*of the moments they walked*
*and ran in the sand hand and hand*
*but now her eyes were so terrible cold*
*for he would never again*
*have her to hold*
*they watched in silence*
*as he bent near*
*and whispered the words..
*"I LOVE YOU" in her ear*
*he touched her face
and started to cry*
*as he put on his ring and wanted to die*
*and just then the wind began to blow
as they lowered her casket*
*into the snow....*
*this is what happens*
*to man alive.....*
*when friends let friends....*
*drink and drive.*
IF TOMORROW NEVER COMES
If I knew, it would be the last time, I'd see you fall asleep,
I'd tuck you in more tightly, and pray the Lord your soul to keep.If I knew, it would be the last time I'd see you walk out the door,
I'd hug you and kiss you and call you back for just one more.If I knew, it would be the last time I heard your name in praise,
I'd videotape each word, and play it back for days.If I knew, it would be the last time to spare a minute or two,
I'll stop and say "I love you," instead of assuming you know that I do.If I knew, it would be the last time I'd be there to share your day,
well, I'm sure you'll have many more, so, I'll let this one slip away.
For surely, there is a tomorrow to make up for an oversight,and
we'll always get a second chance to make everything all right.There will always be another chance to say our "I love you's,"
and certainly there's another chance to say our "What I can dos."BUT, just in case I might be wrong, and today is all I get, I'd
like to say I love you, and hope that you never forget.Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike, and
today might be your last chance to hold your loved one tight.
So, if you're waiting for tomorrow, why not do it all today?
For if tomorrow never comes, you will surely regret the day, you didn't
take the extra time for a smile or hug or kiss. And, surely you aren't too busy
to grant what may be their last wish.So, hold your loved ones close today, and whisper in their ear.
Tell them how much you love them, and that you'll always hold them dear.
Take the time to say "I'm sorry, Forgive me or It's okay," And
if tomorrow never comes, you'll have no regrets about today.
Apologize and start anew and tell the one who loves you, that
you love them too!
THE NEW SCHOOL PRAYER
Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.
If Scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.
Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That's no offense; it's a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.
For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited by the state.
We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks.
They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.
We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.
It's "inappropriate" to teach right from wrong,
We're taught that such "judgments" do not belong.
We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.
It's scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school's a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot;
My soul please take!
Amen
.
A group of girlfriends went on vacation and they saw a five-story hotel with
a sign that read "For Women Only". Since they were without their boyfriends,
they decided to go in.The doorman, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works... "We
have 5 floors...go up floor by floor, and once you
find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide,
since each floor has signs telling you what's inside."So they start going up, and on the first floor the sign reads "All the men
here are horrible lovers, but they are sensitive and kind"... the friends
laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.The sign on the Second floor reads "All the men here are wonderful lovers,
but they generally treat women badly. This wasn't going to do.
So the friends move up to the Third floor where the sign read "All the men
here are great lovers and sensitive to the needs of women."This was good but there were still two more floors, so they moved on to the
fourth floor, where the sign read: "All the men here have perfect builds;
are sensitive and attentive to women; are
perfect lovers; they are also single, rich and straight"The women were very pleased but still they decided that they would rather
see what the fifth floor had to offer before they settled for the fourth.
When they reached the Fifth floor, there was only a sign that read: "There
are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to
please a woman."
