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OUR FAVORITE WATERBOY QUOTES

* in order said in the movie *

Bobby: Now that’s what I call high quality H2O.
Suggestion Box: Dear Waterboy, Eat sh*t and kill yourself. Signed, Everybody
Bobby: Not exactly what I call constructive criticism.
UL football player: Smells like you need a shower, stinky.
Bobby: You can say what you want about my personal hygiene,...
Mama: (holding up butcher knife)You tell Mama who hurt you!
Bobby: Nobody, Mama, it’s just that I lost my position as the team’s water distribution engineer.
(flashback)Mama: I don’t ever want you associating with little girls.
Young Bobby: Why not Mama?
Mama: Because little girls are the devil!
Mama: That’s why you never have any friends, ‘cept for your mama.
Bobby: That is the water that you serve to your players?!
Coach Klein: Uh-huh.
Bobby: It is imperative that, you allow me to be your waterboy!
Coach Klein: I can’t hire you. I can’t hire anybody. With a...
Bobby: You don’t hafta pay me. I’ll do it for free. Just promise me that you will never distribute the contents of that jug to any human person.
Farmer Fran: GJIABAPMVAGINOQAVANPQWHGS!
Coach Klein: Okay... Just have the defense run sprints.
Farmer Fran: ASJIAPNCASATJQHPOJWPCIQSPSJCBYL!
(flashback)Young Bobby: Well, he spit in da, da cooler.
Muddogs QB: I’ve got a water spoon, derrrrrr!
Coach Klein: Wow-how-how!
Derek: Damn!
Farmer Fran: Yoskilleeohdoh!
Coach Klein: What part do you think I’m about to eat?
Mama: Well, basically a snake don’t have parts. But if I had to call it anything, uh, I would say it’s his knee.
Coach Klein: And, uh, what are we having for dessert?
(squirrel screech in background)Mama: Squirrel.
Coach Klein: Ex-cel-lent.
Mama: You come into Mama’s bedroom, Mama will brush your hair.
Coach Klein: Who’s your favorite wrestler?
Bobby: Well, even though he was slightly discourteous to me recently, I’m gonna hafta say Captain Insano.
Bobby: Tacklin’ fuel. Tacklin’ fuel.
Coach Klein: Bobby, can you do that for me every game?
Bobby: Coach, not only will I do it for you, I... I... I.... yes, yes, I’ll do it for you.
Teacher: Now, is there anybody here that can tell me why most alligators are abnormally aggressive? Anyone? Yes sir, you sir.
Bobby: (stands up)Mama says that alligators are ornery ‘cause they got all them teeth but no tooth brush.
(class laughs)Other student: ... because they have an enlarged medulla oblongata.
Teacher: That is correct. ... medulla, ob-lon-ga-ta! Now, is there anybody here that can tell me where happiness comes from? Anyone? Alright, let’s hear what Mama has to say on the subject.
Bobby:(stands up again) Mama say that happiness is from magic rays of sunshine that come down when you’re feeling blue.
Teacher: Well, Mama’s wrong again.
Bobby: No Colonel Sanders, you’re wrong. (class laughs) Mama’s right.
Teacher: (Bobby runs to the door) Something’s wrong with his medula oblongata!
Bobby: (runs towards teacher and knocks him over) EEEEERRRRRR! It’s okay to fight back- Coach Klein said I could.
Paco: Hey Walter, I’ll bet you fifty bucks he throws a touchdown pass on the first play, check it out! ...Heheheewoooo! You owe me fifty bucks!
Walter: You said it was gonna be a touchdown pass, you crazy a**hole!!
Bobby: Slap hands, slap hands!
Paco: Waterboy’s killing ‘em! He’s the best tackler I’ve seen since Joe Montana.
Walter: Joe Montana was a quaterback, you idiot.
Paco: I said Joe Montegna.
Bobby: Best of luck to you on the, the, the upcoming play.
Opponent (number 62): I’ll be playin’ with your mama tonight.
Bobby: Six-ty-two. (Later after knocking him out) I love my mama very much. Now you know dat.
Bobby: Will you please be my friend?
Muddogs QB: No! Get away from me!
Mama: Did he tell you about his little bedtime problem? That’s his sheet back there!
Bobby: Well, excuse me ladies. I’m gonna go hang myself.
Teammate w/ weird eye: Want a beer?
Bobby: I’ll take a scotch and water, hold the scotch.
Eye: You just make a joke, Bobby?
Bobby: Yes I did.
Eye: Heh heh, good one, heh heh heh.
Bobby: I see a lot of girls. I see a lot of guys too.
Girl: I think that’s sexy. Have you ever been with a guy and a girl at the same time?
Bobby: Oh yeah, plenty of times. The other night I was with my mama and Coach Klein at the same time.
LT: Which brings me to my second point, kids. Don’t smoke crack.
Coach Klein: Bobby! Water sucks- Gatorade’s better.
Bobby: What?!?!
Coach Klein: Use it on the field!
Imaginary Coach Klein: Gatorade not only quenches your thirst better, it tastes better too, idiot!
Bobby: You’re, you’re, you’re drinking the wrong water!
Imag. Coach: Ga-tor-ade!
Bobby: H2O!
Imag. Coach: Ga-tor-ade!
Bobby: H2O!
Imag. Coach: Ga-tor-ade!
Bobby: H2O!
Imag. Coach: Water sucks, it really, really sucks! Water sucks, it really, really sucks!
Bobby: EEEEERRRRRR!

STEVE
Townie: You can do it!
Coach Klein: Oh yes we can, and yes we will!
Townie: You can do it! Cut his f*cking head off!
Townie: Oh no! We suck again!
Townie: The waterboy’s a cheater! Cut HIS head off!
Coach Klein: ...I fled. I came into my office, I went under my desk, I cried, I cried, I cried like a ten year old girl! (throws paperweight)
Teacher: Eerrr!
Mama: Foosball?! You playin’ da foosball behind my back?!
Bobby: The only reason I’m doin’ this is so I can go to school!
Mama: School?! You goin’ to school?! Owwww!
Bobby: Everything is the devil to you Mama!
(flashback)Young Bobby: Mama, when did Ben Franklin invent electricity?
Mama: That’s nonsense. I invented electricity. Ben Franklin’s the devil!
Paco: I am not what you would call a handsome man. The good Lord did not choose to bless me with good looks, charm, athletic ability, or a fully functional brain.
Bobby: (reading) Dear Helen- who’s that?
Mama: That’s my first name, Bobby.
Bobby: Ohh...
Bobby: (reading) ...Ciao, Roberto.
Mama: He changed his name to Roberto. I guess he thought it was more exotic.
Bobby: (walking into locker room at halftime) Do you remember the time Bobby Boucher showed up at halftime and the Muddogs won the Bourbon Bowl?!
Mama: Foosball’s not for the devil- it’s for my Bobby!
Bobby: Coach Klein, are you afraid of Red Beaulieu?
Coach Klein: I am petrified of him.
Bobby: Power bomb, compliments of Captain Insano.
Derek: (looking around to opposing team) Who’s it gonna be, who’s it gonna be, who’s it gonna be... Oh yeah, there’s my bitch.
Bobby: Now that’s high quality H2O!
ESPN Announcer: The waterboy just needed some water!
Townie: You can do it! You can do it all- night- long!
Bobby: I’m gonna go do it!

Now that's what I call...
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