04-21-01: hey there grandpa, im so happy yet so sad today. i know that you are now very happy with grandma since both of you ar together again. tell grandma i say hi and that i think about her almost everyday. i hope that u both are very happy. Im so sad that i had to say good bye this morning. it was too soon for me, but i admit i was trying to be prepared, but then i also know that i could have never been. I love you too much to let go of you, yet i dont have to do that since your still in my heart. i can feel it, but i still wish you were still here with me because u mean so much to me. i still feel the pain and hurt, but i kno that i'll be able to be free from it once i realize that your happy. do you kno that saying? when u lose someone u love, just remember the good times rite? i remember all the good times but it only hurts more to realize that your not here and it makes me miss you so much more. as long as your happy, im happy and thats what keeps the tears from flowing too much. i pray that you are happy and that your suffering has finally ended. you fought the pain for so long and i must kno that it was very tiring for you. now u can rest in happiness. i know that someday we will see eachother once again. take care ok? i love you with all my heart forever as always ok? please watch over us.. *I LOVE YOU!* 04-23-01: hey, its me again, how are you? well im still thinking about you. i have to admit that almost everytime i do, i either start tearing up or just plain out burst out and cry. this morning i was tearing up being all quiet and everything. i kno that mi friends knew sumthing was wrong. in mi science today, one of mi friends kept asking me what was wrong, and i all of a sudden i started tearing up again and eventually cried. i really tried to control myself. i told myself that i was ok, and i wouldnt let myself cry because it wouldnt make u happy to see me upset or anything, but then i think about wut it would be like if you came walking down the halls to me all healthy and all to give me a great big hug and tell me everythings ok, but i kno that it cant happen, cuz ure not here with me physically. i remember when i could give you a hug, how evertime i said hi or bye i would. i remember the last time i saw u alive, i held your hand, it was kind of cold, just like it always was. i remember when i always used to worry about how your hands were cold in the winter and try to warm them up with my hands. i remember the last time. you squeezed mi hand. we held on for awhile. those moments are irreplaceable. even then i still tried to warm your hands up. i wish that i could see you now. i wish you were here, but then thats only me being selfish. hope you all the happiness, but please dont worry or get upset if i start crying, its only becuz i love u too much.. but this time i'll try to control miself till the end of the week.. i love you!
