10. I may look like a nerd but it's only a disguise.
9. I carry this beeper not to feel important but so my mom knows where I am. I carry this phone to call her back.
8. Uhhhh, no, I didn't play football in high school but I did better in varsity volleyball and tennis.
7. Has anyone ever told you you look like Chun Li? You know, that chic from Street Fighter 2.
6. What do I do? Gee, I thought you would never ask. Y'see, I'm finishing my first year of residency in internal medicine.
5. Yeah, (sniff) I cried during "Joy Luck Club."
4. Do I cook? Well, not really but I can whip up a pretty mean fried rice!
3. You know what? It's strange, but I get mistaken for a white guy all the time!
2. Hey baby, wanna ride in my 16-valve, twin-cam lowered Acura Integra with BBS gold-spiked rims and a subwoofered stereo that'll leave you breathless?
1. My eyes may seem small but I've got a HUGE personality.

*Why Asian Women Should hang with Asian Men*

1. We know martial arts and if we don't it still looks like we do. If you do a couple of kicks that aren't too pathetic ppl will think you are a master. Good deterent.
2. We speak two languages. We can speak to you AND your parents. In other words we can pucker up for you and your parents. Note: You must be the same asian race for this to apply.
3. We can use chopsticks. In asian restaurants we can split kimchee for you with chopsticks. Try that with a fork and spoon. We can also play table drums for you with chopstick. How romantic...
4. We like the same music you do. All that new-wave/techno mixed and synthesized stuff.
5. We all gonna be rich doctors, engineers, and lawyers. That means only one thing for you, "Shopping, Shopping and more Shopping". Wheee..
6. We can be your geek on the street. (We can help you will all your studying b/c we are naturally geniuses) Or we can be your stud in the pub. (We can drink a lot and have that squinty eyed, drooping cig, drink in one hand, we are cool, look that will make you want to sit with us)
7. We know what asian babes want. Our moms told us.
8. Our hairstyles are low maintanence. We just need a bowl and scissors.
9. We not only know all about american culture we make a great looking couple.
10. We are just as sensitive, understanding and intelligent as the next american tough guy.

How to make your Asian Girlfriend Eternally Happy...

1. BE RICH. This is important for you, but not for her.
2. SPEND MONEY ON HER. This is the most important thing for her, whether you are rich, have any money, or must lie, steal, or kill to do it.
3. BE TALL. Of course you have no real control over this, but if you don't do it, she will secretly and forever resent you for it. Preferably, be about one foot taller than her -- not for comfort or aesthetics, but because you are a trophy, and, as always, the bigger the better.
4. BE A MINDLESS ZOMBIE RULED BY HER. Forget what you've heard about submissive asian women. They actually rule every relationship with insidious and painful, passive-aggressive, guilt-evoking, whiny, crying mind-control.
5. HAVE THE EMOTIONAL STABILITY OF A 4-YEAR-OLD. She will be impressed and enraptured by your delight at the sight of Hello Kitty, stuffed animals, puppies, kitties, duckies, bunnies, as well as chocolates, shiny jewelry and other trinkets and knick-knacks. Also, she will understand perfectly well if you pout over the smallest perceived slight or slip and demand to be appeased, assuaged, or made up to. If you behave any other way, she will never understand it.
6.DRESS LIKE A PRETTY-BOY GEEK. This will save her the trouble of replacing your wardrobe and dressing you herself.
7. REMOVE EVERY HAIR ON YOUR BODY EXCEPT THOSE ON YOUR SCALP. The sight of a whisker on your face reminds her that somewhere inside you, something is trying to grow. You must not grow -- you must be as unchanging and constant as the firmament.
8. There are NO MORE RULES to making your asian girlfriend eternally happy. If any situation arises which you feel the rules have not addressed, you are mistaken -- immediately refer to the first two rules -- they are the solution in every such case.

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