When I roll over in the night, and Andrew isn't there, I never worry. I do a lot of things, but worry is never one of them, because I know just where he is. I know that he's safe and sound, warm and happy somewhere. That should be enough for me, and I guess in some ways it is. But it never really will be, because I know that somewhere is with him.

I've known about him almost as long as I've known Andrew. They were friends, best friends, long before I was in the picture. The night I first met Andrew, he spent a good portion of the time talking about him; things he said, things he did, things they did together. I think it occurred to me that first night that one of the things they did together was the thing, but that was never a deterrent. It was kind of cute, actually, Andrew lit up like a Christmas tree when he talked about him. All the stories came with an adorable lopsided grin, and a hearty laughter, a dorky, dopey noise I couldn't help but fall in love with. I couldn't help but fall in love with a lot of him, all of him actually, but there are still times even now, when I wish I could have.

Andrew is irresistible, I found that out the hard way. He's smart and witty, so funny and goofy you can't help but smile even when you're mad at him, he's sweet and sappy, yet rough enough to shove you against a wall and...well, you know. I fell for him hard and fast, even though I knew in the back of my mind about him, and what they had. I've never lost that thought, not even the first time Andrew said "I love you". I was thrilled to hear it, believe me, but I still thought "What about him?" before I could even say it back. Fortunately, or unfortunately, I wasn't left with that question long before it was answered with a resounding yes.

They were still joined at the hip, they drove to practices and games together, they roomed together on the road, he even lived in our spare bedroom after we were married. Andrew's eyes never lost that light when he spoke of him, which scared me more than I can ever say. I always wondered if there was going to come a time when he'd fall out of love with me, if one day he'd realize that Kris was all he needed, and Krista was just a passing fancy. Even after Kris was demoted, sent five hours across Pennsylvania, I still had that worry. It didn't leave me until Andrew was traded, halfway across the continent, back home to Calgary.

But now I realize, that it didn't leave me for good. When I roll over in bed, I see the sun peeking through the curtains, and I realize for the first time that Andrew isn't here. My heart sinks, because I know just where he is, just like I always do. This time, however, that realization comes along with that old worry. He's never stayed gone this long, when I wake up in the mornings, he's always here; his mornings were mine, and sometimes he got his nights. That was always the way it was, the change now was a big one, a scary one, one I hoped I'd never have to face. Now that I had, I wasn't sure how to react, I'd never rehearsed with myself what to do if this day ever came. So I did the same thing I did before, just as I always had.

I waited.

Time ticked by slowly, but daylight seemed to arrive much faster. By the time the sun was full in the sky, it had felt like eternity passed, though I knew in reality it hadn't been that long. Time spent alone with a troubled mind always seemed to last long, long enough to ask 100 questions, find 99 answers, and try 200 things to change the subject. In the end it was all wasted time, because distraction never came, and the question and answer you chose and listened to was never one you thought of before. Or at least that's the way it worked this time, as I rolled over in bed to grab the phone.

My fingers worked quickly along the buttons, punching in a number years in the dialing. I was surprised I knew it so well, there were few times I had ever really thought about using it. I hadn't even thought about it today, but I was going on impulse now. If he wasn't the one laying in the bed at the other end of the soft ringing in my ear, I think Andrew would be proud of that; he always told me "the best things in life are never thought out, they just happen."

It hit me then, as the ringing stopped, and those words played through my mind even as I heard a hushed "Hello". The best things in life aren't thought out, they just happen; this thing, him and me, was one of those things to him. He didn't think it out, he didn't worry and stress over what to do, he just did, in true Andrew fashion. In this long coming moment, it all seemed so clear. He just lived his life, dealt with things as they came his way, and never thought to the future. His love for life seemed to make more sense now, and it wasn't nearly as selfish as I'd once thought. In a fleeting thought, I wondered if maybe I was just being naive, but I was quick to chase that away. All I really wanted was him to be happy, and never once had I questioned that. I really didn't want to start now, let alone be the reason why. I had everything to lose that way, and nothing to gain.

In another brief moment, I thought of hanging up, pretending I knew nothing and letting them stay in blissful ignorance. But spontaneity had gotten me everything today, so I ran with it one more time.

"Tell him I'll see him for dinner."