Rating: R
Original Date of Completion: January 2003
Disclaimer: I own him, you can't have him. This is fiction from my demented little mind, so please don't sue me.
*****************
Curtis' POV
"You have to decide sometime, you know," Trish stated, pulling the lime slice from her mouth.
"Lies, all lies," I laughed, taking another Tequila shot then immediately chasing it with lemon.
Trish, Terri, and I sat in Manuel's, a quaint little bar not too far from our hotel. We'd wound up here during their photo shoots, and hadn't left since. That was hours ago, so needless to say we were all a little drunk. Terri was sipping slowly at her fifth White Russian, one swallow away from passing out. Trish was nursing her seventh Corona, and building things out of her lime slices. And me, I was staring at my ninth Tequila shot and trying to calculate the distance from the bed to the bathroom in my hotel. I decided the distance was small enough and slammed the shot, chasing it with my last lemon slice. To drink or not to drink, that was a decision I could make. Anything more important than that, that was another story.
I'd been in Cuba for five days, and had yet to decide a thing. I'd barely thought about any of it, until tonight when somehow in our drunkenness the conversation drifted to my career. I guess I'd been avoiding it all, taking only message from my agent on new offers, then proceeding to not think about them at all. Tonight though, in my head, I'd been debating them all. On the outside, I'd done my best to pretend I wasn't thinking about it and steer the conversation in another direction. Any direction. I'd sat through a conversation about pantyhose for that.
Seven teams had offered me a contract so far. Most weren't even a consideration. It would take a lot of money to get me back in St. Louis. I wouldn't be caught dead in the Bruins third jersey. And Pittsburgh, Mario couldn't afford me if he wanted to. Buffalo gave me a good laugh, if Hasek couldn't win them a Cup, no way I could. The Rangers offer was an insane amount of money, more than I could ever probably spend in my life, but that gave me a laugh too. It would take a lot more than goaltending to fix the problems that team has. No, there were only two teams I was even considering. And it was for two completely different reasons. One was for glory, and the other was for loyalty.
I didn't want to leave Toronto. I loved everything about it, the city, the fans, the team, everything. I'd wanted to play there my whole life. It was a dream come true to finally get to. But now, that dream was pretty much a nightmare. I hadn't even left yet, and already the fans had turned on me, calling me a sellout. I had to shoulder the burden of the entire club. I was the one blamed for the playoffs, when it was the lack of scoring that lost it for us. This team was in the Mecca of Hockey, where it was unacceptable to lose. There were so many pressures on me, I was ready to snap. And, there was Alyn. But I am NOT thinking about him.
I downed another shot, chasing it with lemon, then pushed away from the table. If I was starting to think about Alyn, that meant I was in the self depression period of drunkenness, and either needed sleep or more alcohol to get rid of it. Since I had a long flight tomorrow, I'd rather not have a crippling hangover. So sleep was the logical choice. I stood up from the table and got an instant dizzy feeling. I giggled at it, and shook my head.
"I'm drunk enough," I said loudly, leaning on the table.
Trish nodded and chugged the remains of her Corona. She popped a lime slice into her mouth and sat the empty bottle down on the table, connecting with the others in a loud clang. Terri's head shot up from the table, and she glared straight at Trish. Trish giggled, then leaned over, kissing Terri on the cheek. Terri pushed her away with a laugh, and stood up from the table. She rubbed her temples and stared at us.
"You two are bad influences on me," She stated, walking around the table to join us.
Trish and I giggled, and Trish threw her arm around Terri's shoulder. I did the same with Trish, and we walked slowly out of the bar, looking like a drunken orgy waiting to happen.
* * *
We got lost on our way back to the hotel (big surprise there) and wound up at Santa Cecilia beach. Santa Cecilia was roughly three miles from our hotel, so we were all pretty clueless how we got there. Of course, we didn't really try all that hard, we were way more occupied saying Santa Cecilia over and over (we were drunk and easily amused, what do you expect?) But that tired quickly, along with our legs, so we walked a few more yards down the beach and stopped at Las Rocas de Cecilia. They had a fancy name, but they were really nothing more than a bunch of boulders scattered around in a half circle. Nonetheless, we stumbled into them in the darkness, feeling around to see where we were going. I found a rock quickly, and Terri found one beside me. Trish cussed as she searched around behind us, then suddenly shrieked. She jumped backward, careening into me and Terri and landing on the ground between us.
"What the fuck Trish?" I growled, glaring at her in the darkness.
"I grabbed someone's leg!" She shrieked, clutching onto my leg.
"Trish?" A voice came from behind us.
The second I heard the voice, I knew who it was. Through a drunken haze, my mind told me it couldn't be. There was no way he could just happen to be in Cuba at the same time as all of us, there was no way. But when Trish spoke, my thoughts were unofficially confirmed.
"Alyn?" Trish asked in reply, pushing herself up from the ground.
The mystery voice crept slowly from the shadows. The second he stepped in front of us, my thoughts were officially confirmed. My stomach knotted up instantly, and I stood up from my rock. His eyes traveled to mine, and he stared silently. Even through the darkness, my pain was fueled by the glittering of his eyes. I pulled my eyes away from him quickly and turned to walk away. But as my foot made its first step, his voice called to me from behind.
"Curtis, please don't go," He said quietly.
I turned around slowly and stared at him. He stared at the ground, refusing to look at me. That was typical Alyn, making eye contact with me was apparently a sin. I sighed, and rolled my eyes, turning back around. I was able to get three or four steps away this time before an unexpected voice stopped me.
"Curtis, you need to talk to him," Trish stated, walking up to me and putting her hand on my shoulder.
I shrugged her off and turned around with a glare. Our eyes connected, and she grabbed my face in her hands. I shook my head at her, but she held my face tightly. I couldn't believe this was my Trish, telling me that I needed to talk to ALYN. After all, she was the one that had done that to his nose. For hurting me. And now she wanted me to talk to him. This didn't make the least bit of sense. Talking to him was the last thing in the entire world I wanted to do, but I knew just staring into Trish's eyes that she meant what she said. I sighed, and she took that as her sign of victory.
"Come on, Terri," She said, walking away from us.
Terri scurried away quickly, leaving Alyn and I alone. I was sick to my stomach from having to do this. I was more than prepared to never speak to him for the rest of my life, regardless if he was still my teammate. After I'd choked him that time, not speaking to him worked. Until of course I had a bad day and let all of this bullshit start in the first place. It's almost funny now that one little bad day turned into an entire year of them. I guess I shouldn't really be surprised. My bad days always had a way of manifesting themselves into something bigger than whatever they started with. And when I say always, I mean always. That would be why I tried to avoid things like this that could give me bad days.
My mind was too clouded to deal with this right now. Not just with my career altering decision, but with tequila. And just being here, watching him refuse to look at me, it's making my blood boil. At that very moment in time, after I'd spent this entire trip trying not to think about him, I hated him more than anything in the world. The simple fact that he was here, in this place where I'd went to get away, that alone made me hate him even more. I'd come here to get away from everything, and here he was bringing it all back to me. I really hate him.
"What do you want, Alyn?" I snarled, crossing my arms across my chest.
His eyes slowly lifted from the beach and he fixed his gaze on me. "Curtis...I..." He stopped and took a deep breath. To my incredible shock, his eyes never left mine. "I have something to tell you,"
My mind is flooded with possibilities in an instant. So many thoughts swam around, my head began to throb. This was exactly what I'd tried to avoid. I didn't want to think about what this, what I could've meant to him. After what he'd said that last night, and then waking up alone the next morning, all of those questions had already been answered. Nothing. I meant nothing at all to him. I'd spent a year of my life letting him use me in the vain hope that it all might've meant to him what it did to me. But I always suspected, deep down, I was nothing more than a personal fuck toy. In the end, my suspicions were all confirmed. I'd accepted them, but that still didn't mean I had any desire to hear them for sure. I may accept everything, but that was made easier by never actually hearing the words.
"What?" I asked loudly, the anger in my voice surprising myself. "What can you possibly have to say to me?"
His eyes dropped back to the beach, and I heard him sigh. "This isn't easy for me,"
"And I suppose it's just fucking simple for me?" I shouted in reply.
"Curtis, please,"
"Curtis please my fucking ass, Alyn. Just say what you've got to say. The longer I have to stand here and look at you, the more I hate you,"
His eyes snapped back to mine, and he blinked at me repeatedly. Through the darkness, the blue of his eyes was as bright as ever. And I hated it. I hated those eyes. So many times I'd looked up at them and saw them smiling back at me. In those moments, I loved them because they eyes took me to that place. It was afterward, after I watched him sneak out of my apartment after a night together, and having him completely avoid me the next day, it was then that I hated them. And now, now they brought so many things I had tried to forget. That simple thought increases my anger, and I fix him with a glare, waiting for him to speak.
"You hate me?" He asked quietly.
I snorted a laugh and threw my hands in the air. "Congratufuckinglations, you figured it out. What gave it away, the fact that I told you? Or did you suddenly develop a conscience and realize that a year of treating me like shit was bound to make me hate you?"
"I'm sorry," He whispered, blinking repeatedly again.
In the darkness I could swear I saw a tear roll down his cheek. But I was far too angry and far too drunk to try and figure that out.
"You're sorry?" I shouted. "For what exactly? Using me for a year? Coming here and fucking up what had been a perfect, pain free vacation? Or maybe for fucking lying to me and saying you loved me, then walking out like always? You're sorry all right, a sorry fucking asshole. Rot in hell, Alyn,"
I pushed past him and stomped off angrily in the direction Trish and Terri had left. My entire body shook with anger. I'm sorry were the exact two words I didn't want to hear from him. Through everything with Trish, he'd proved beyond the shadow of a doubt that he never meant them. To have him say them to me, I felt patronized, like a completely insignificant waste not even worth a real explanation. I'd dealt with that feeling for far too long, I don't know what's any different this time. 'Why lie to yourself Curtis?' My mind demanded as my walk came to a stop beside a willow tree. 'You know very fucking well what's so different this time.' I didn't want to admit it, but as I sat back against the tree, the tears took over, and took the decision from my hands.
I wanted to believe him, that's why this was different. Things would be so much easier if I could just believe he was sorry. I could stop asking myself how he felt about it, if I was just a stupid toy for him. I could stop thinking about it all together. All I really wanted to know at this point was that he felt something more than sexual feeling about everything. To just know that he was sorry, I could stop hating him. I could stop hating myself. But I couldn't believe him. Not after everything with Trish. And especially not after he'd said those words that night. I'd believe him then, for whatever stupid reason. And all I got in return was my heart broken and the satisfaction that Trish had broken his nose. All of that proved that he never means what he says. And that no matter how much I may've wanted to, there was no way I could believe him. I was sick of hating myself already as it is.
"Curtis," His voice sounds behind me.
I sigh and respond with a sniffle. "Go away, Alyn,"
Silence falls, but he doesn't adhere to my plea. I can still feel him standing behind me, staring at me as I sit and wage a losing battle with my tears. I want to turn around and scream at him, but I don't want to give him the satisfaction of my tears. Instead I settle for sniffling and choking out the first words that come to mind.
"Why are you doing this? What do you possibly have left to say?"
"Curtis," He paused, and I heard him take a breath. "I didn't lie. It wasn't a lie. I love you,"
TBC
© 2003 Triple X
Read On...