Rating: NC-17
Original Date of Completion: December 2002
Disclaimer: I own them, and you can't have them. Really, this is 100% fiction, conjured in the confines of my demented little mind. So yeah, please don't sue me.
*********************
Kirk's POV
The second my eyes connect with Kris, he bursts into tears. I just blink at his reaction, and gasp as he rushes over and pulls me into a hug. I couldn't possibly look bad enough to warrant this kind of reaction. The only damage I'd suffered was a gash on my forehead, that was taken care of and concealed with stitches and a bandage. It hadn't honestly been that bad of an accident, just me, my truck and a telephone pole. My truck hadn't gotten all that hurt, actually. But it was enough to crack the radiator and render it useless. That had led me to calling the police, which led me here to the ER and stitches. They ran a million other tests, and I passed each one with flying colors. But even with my clean bill of health, they were still ready to keep me overnight for "observation". That is, until I played the birthday pity card to get me out of it. The card got me free from an overnight stay, but that's when they said that I would have to call someone to come get me. Because even if I was damage free, I wasn't leaving the hospital on my own.
So without even thinking, I gave them my wallet so they could call someone while they stitched me up. Kris was my first emergency contact, he had been for years. That didn't hit me until the doctor was fixing me, and then I thought about the argument we'd had earlier. I half didn't expect him to answer the phone, let alone come here to get me. We'd never really argued, I wasn't sure what exactly went on. But he'd answered the phone, and according to Yvette, the nurse, he sounded pretty scared and hung up on her after saying he was on his way. From when she told me, to when he showed up, barely a half hour passed. But, it was probably the most nerve wracking half hour of my life; sitting there and wondering what he'd say, or how he'd react to everything, after he'd sat there and asked me not to go. He enjoyed being right, especially about important things. So I completely expected him to walk in here and say "I told you so," before anything else. But instead, he'd broken down into tears, and now clung to me like he was afraid I'd float away if he let go. That was a reaction I could've never expected. But then again, this entire day had been pretty unexpected, I shouldn't really be surprised.
"God, Kirk. Are you okay?" He whispered, still clinging to me.
"I'm fine," I replied, trying to break free from his embrace and failing worse than him at a breakaway.
"What happened?"
This time I was able to free myself from his grasp, and I locked my eyes on his. Tears streamed slowly down his face. I watched the drops roll down his cheeks, wanting nothing more than to reach forward and swab them away, but never moving a muscle. He was genuinely upset, I could see that plain as day. But a part of me was still waiting for that "I told you so" the second I told him what happened. I cursed myself for even thinking that, and forcing my arms into action reached forward and blotted away his tears with my sleeve. He smiled warmly, grabbing my hand in his as he squeezed himself into the bed with me. I smiled in return, and laid my head against his shoulder. A nurse walked by and grinned at us, and for once that didn't send us jumping apart. We stayed in that same position, our hands clasped loosely together, my head leaning against his shoulder, not caring who saw us. This was something that had never really happened, at least not in an openly public place like this. Most times, if we were getting touchy like this in public, and even a stranger on the street walked by, we'd jump apart and act like nothing happened. But here we were now, sitting together in a pretty much more-than-friends way. Maybe it was the circumstances under which we were here that made us feel that this was okay. Whatever it was, I was glad it was happening, especially after the morning we'd had.
To tell the truth, after he'd left, I'd really considered not going. I'd even had the phone in my hand at one point, to call and tell my parents I wasn't going to make it. But when I'd started to dial the numbers, my pride took over, and made me stop. I got into my truck and drove, fast, wanting to make it to Cambridge safe and sound just to spite Kris. As I was driving, I quickly realized how stupid I was being. I was risking everything, being reckless and stupid just because we'd had an argument. It was our first real one, granted, but I'd allowed myself to get entirely too worked up over it. And what made it worse, was I was leaving it in anger. For the next five days, I would've thought of nothing but him, and done nothing but get angrier. And knowing him like I do, I knew he would do that same thing. So I told myself to grab my cell phone, and call him and apologize. I'd gotten as far as grabbing the phone. Taking my hand off the wheel caused me to lose control of the truck. I fought to regain it, but it was useless on the icy road, and my Silverado met a telephone pole.
Kris kissed the top of my head as that thought passed my mind, and my body tensed slightly. With his reaction, I knew that I couldn't tell him what happened here, even if it was really my fault. He'd either find a way to blame himself, or finally unleash that "I told you so" my mind was annoyingly still waiting for. I knew that I owed him some kind of explanation, and I preferred the truth above all else. Just not here, at the hospital, just in case the truth led us back to an argument. The two of us arguing in a hospital was not something I wanted to see in the sports page tomorrow.
"Kris?" I spoke softly, not taking my head from his shoulder.
"Hmm?"
"Can you go see if I can leave now? I want to tell you what happened, just not here,"
"Anything,"
He slid off the bed, and ran quickly up to the first doctor he saw. I watched their lips, trying at first to decipher their words, but giving up and laying my head back against the pillow. My head hurt slightly, but I think it was more from the thoughts coursing through it than the physical injury. I couldn't quite nail down just what I was feeling at this particular moment. I was so relieved to have him here, after everything that had happened I wanted no one else here but him. But at the same time, I was still on the defensive, waiting for the argument to resume. It had been a long time since I'd argued with a significant other, I was obviously really out of practice with it. I suppose I could take some solace in knowing that in the past, arguments meant days not speaking, and another eventual shouting match. But in this case, Kris was here, and was the same Kris he always was. I guess that was what threw me off. Seeing him as was right now, I was scared to death to tell him everything, and risk the possibility for all of that to go away.
But I knew I had to. Throughout our entire friendship, and especially now in our relationship, I'd always been completely honest with him. And I planned to stick to that, even though this had me saying one thing in particular, that as a man, I hated to say. He was right. I shouldn't have driven. If I had just listened to him, I'd have saved myself a trip to the hospital, medical bills, and a new radiator. I don’t honestly know what came over me this morning when he’d said he didn't want me to go. I guess...I guess I felt like he was trying to run my life. I know how ridiculous that is, believe me I know. He wasn't trying to run my life, he was just showing concern and trying to protect me, something he'd done for years. What it really came down to is simple; I freaked out about our relationship.
Turning 30, and waking up next to him this morning made me realize that this was it. He was that "one" I'd waited for all of my life. And now that we were together, this could very well be the last relationship ever in my life. And that scared me. I'd never had a relationship this serious before. Things had been serious with Trevor, but they'd never been like this. Kris was very likely to be that one guy I was with for the rest of my life. And I guess the part of me that vowed never to love like this freaked out, and I reacted like I did. I should be pretty damn thankful that things had went as easily as they did. I could've freaked out a lot worse, and screwed things up beyond repair. Even saying the things I did was bad enough. He had every right to be pissed off and not talking to me right now.
"Kirk?" His voice sounds, snapping me from my thoughts. I glance up at him with a smile, and he extends my jacket toward me. "We can go,"
I nod in reply, grabbing my jacket from him as I get to my feet. To my own surprise, I feel kinda woozy, and I have to steady myself against the bed. Kris swoops in instantly, draping his arm around my back and slipping beneath my arm so it laid across his shoulders. I smiled at him, and opting not to argue the fact that I'm fine, let him lead me away. Normally, I'd probably get really annoyed over the fuss he was making. But after everything that had happened today, I was more than happy just having the contact with him.
There was only a brief stop at the desk between us and Kris' car. I signed the papers that I had to at the desk, separating from Kris to do so, then walked outside. Kris allowed me to walk to the car on my own, but when we got there, he had to open the door for me and make sure I was seated comfortably. I suddenly felt like a pregnant woman, and I found myself rolling my eyes at him, even as cute as it was. If he noticed, he didn't care, because as soon as I assured him I was okay, he leaned down and kissed me. I melted into it, whimpering slightly when he pulled away. He just smiled, and placed a soft kiss to the bandage, melting me for the second time in as many minutes. While in my liquid form, I realized how wonderful he really was, and cursed myself again for my earlier freak out.
The drive back to my apartment was silent, leaving me plenty of time to organize my thoughts. As much mocking as I may incur for it, I decided to tell him why I'd reacted the way I had this morning. I'd probably never live it down, and it would give him even more rights to say he was more at ease with the relationship than I was. But it was the best possible explanation I could give. Pleading temporary insanity just wasn't an option, even if that WOULD make things so much easier.
But, this situation was bound to be difficult. I knew there was no way he'd just accept everything with an "Oh, okay" and leave it at that. He would say something in reply, most likely some kind of sarcastic remark that would under normal circumstances, start a battle that would wage on well into the wee hours of the night. But today, under these circumstances, I was going to try to be good and bite my tongue. It's not that I didn't enjoy our battles, it was just that after everything today, I was afraid emotions would overflow, and our fake battle would turn into a real one. This morning had proved how quickly and unknowingly things could escalate. And I really wanted my birthday to end on a good note.
When we pulled into my parking lot, Kris rushed from the car and straight to my door. Again I rolled my eyes at him, as he extended his hand to help me out, and asked if I was okay. His concern was still cute, but it was just a tad bit annoying now. But still not wanting to fight, I humored him and leaned into him just barely. His smile lit the darkness, and slipping his arm again around my back, he led me up to my apartment. Walking at a snail's pace in the freezing weather was definitely not a birthday highlight right now. But I knew how much he liked to feel helpful, and I was going to give him that at least until we got into the apartment. If he thinks he's walking me around like this inside my own house, he's got another thing coming.
We stopped outside my door, and instead of taking the time to dig for my keys, Kris pulled the spare from the door trim and let us inside. I shrugged my jacket off the second I was inside, and headed straight for the couch. I was just about to sit down when his hand clamped around my wrist, and with a quiet "bed", he pulled me back to my feet. I went along willingly; being pretty much pushed to my bedroom didn’t leave me with much choice. I'd complain, but honestly I just wanted to get back to my bedroom, and get into a bed that didn’t smell like a hospital or have adjustable controls. Okay, so I wouldn't really mind the adjustable controls. But the hospital smell was a definite downer.
I flicked the light on with my elbow as I stepped into the bedroom. I laughed as I noticed K-Mac, completely stretched out, sleeping on Junior. He looked up at us with a loud meow, stretched, then ran from the room. Both Kris and I shook our head, giggling as we sat down on the bed. Kris' arm slipped quickly around my shoulders, pulling me toward him gently. I leaned against him, and sighed as he kissed my cheek.
"You okay?" He asked for what seemed like the billionth time, and brushed his lips softly against the bandage.
"I'm fine," I sighed with a smile. "I swear to you. I've gotten worse cuts on the ice,"
He smiled weakly in return, slipping his hand into mine. He squeezed it gently, and brushed his lips softly against mine. "What happened?"
I took a deep breath, releasing it with a slow, labored sigh. His eyes stayed completely focused on me, which served to greatly increase my nervousness. My hands trembled slightly in his, and I dropped my gaze away from him with a nervous smile. He moved closer to me on the bed, lowering his head to look at me. I smiled timidly at him, then dropped my gaze back to the floor. He moved closer to me on the bed, laying his head against my shoulder and gently squeezing my hand. His thumb caressed softly at my palm, sending a warm calm washing over me. I turned to him with a smile, and taking a deep breath, began my replay of the entire accident.
"I was driving a little too fast," I started, turning my head from his as his eyes widened. "I went to use my cell phone, and hit some ice when I took my hand off the wheel. I lost control, and the Silverado met a telephone pole," I shrugged, mentally kicking myself for sparing the details.
"A telephone pole?" He asked softly, his eyebrow slightly raised.
"Yeah," I replied, dropping my gaze to the floor. "I wasn't going very fast by that point. I was pretty lucky,"
"You're damned right you were," He snapped, standing up from the bed. "You could've been killed,"
"But I WASN'T," I replied, my defenses going up instantly. "I only got five stitches, high sticks give worse,"
"Only five? You're REAL fucking lucky," He paused, his back toward me as he stared into my mirror.
"Kris..."
"Why couldn't you have listened to me?" He asked, his voice breaking in emotion.
The sound of his voice was enough to spring tears to my eyes, and in the reflection from the mirror I could see them in his as well. He sounded so...pained, like I'd literally hurt him with everything today. I wouldn't be surprised if I had, I'd been stupid, and risked hurting not just myself but a lot of other people without even thinking. If I could go back to the morning and listen to him, I would. Because doing that would save a lot of unnecessary pain and anger. But unfortunately, I didn't get a time machine for my birthday, so I had to deal with the consequences of my actions.
I got up from the bed, and took the few steps over to him. I placed my hand gently at the small of his back, and he tensed immediately beneath my touch. My stomach churned with the sight, and the realization of what I had to do quickly came to me. I'd told myself the entire car ride here that I had to say it, but that didn't make actually doing it any easier. I couldn't even tell him all of the accident details. And now I had to explain to him something that I didn't even like admitting to myself. This wasn’t going to be easy.
"Kris," I whispered, brushing my hand down his arm. "Please look at me,"
He turned to me slowly, and the sadness on his face was nearly overwhelming. Without hesitation, I leaned forward and pushed my lips to his. The second our lips connected, it was like a shockwave shot down my spine. The realization set in quickly, and my heart fluttered with the thought. So many times we’d been in this same position, kissing, our hands skating tentatively along each other’s skin, and it hadn't felt right. I knew in those times in the pit of my stomach that it wasn't the right time. But right now, in this very moment, I felt nothing but assurance. Assurance that this was indeed the right time, that it would never feel as perfect as it would in this very moment.
With an almost nervous sigh, I pulled away from Kris and stared into his eyes. The sadness that had lingered earlier was nowhere to be found, and the look in his eyes I'm sure mirrored my own. Desire, fear, anticipation. We stared in silence, both of us waiting for the other to move, or to speak first. My pulse rang loudly in my ears, and my palms began to sweat. I tried to speak, but each thought that formed was nothing more than a jumbled mess, and I stopped it before it left my lips. With words failing me, I knew that left me with one last resort. Not saying a word, I stepped forward and tugged at his shirt, pulling it untucked from his jeans. My eyes focused solely on his shirt as slowly I pushed it up, exposing the pale, freckled skin of his stomach. As the fabric passed his abs, he grabbed my hands, snapping my eyes up to his.
"Are you sure?" He whispered, nervousness evident in both his voice and body language.
If I wasn't sure, I had to do nothing more than stare into his eyes, and let the aquatic blue answer my questions. The look in his eyes spoke everything I needed to hear: that he loved me, and that he too could feel that this was the right time. I leaned forward and brushed my lips gently across his, grazing my hand down his stubble ridden cheek.
"More sure than I've ever been in my life," I whispered in reply, resting my hand on his neck, my fingers caressing gently at the skin.
Not another word was spoken as he brought our lips back together. Sliding my hands slowly down his back, they returned to their earlier task, and slowly I pushed his shirt up. As our lips separated to discard the shirt, he pushed me gently back onto the bed, and crawled up beside me. Our kisses resumed with even more passion, his hands working their way along the buttons on my shirt. I shivered as the last one was freed, and his hands connected with my skin. He snickered softly into the kiss, but then whimpered as I nibbled at his bottom lip. His hands glided silkily across my back as mine traveled to the waist of his jeans. He pulled away from me as my hands released the button, and our eyes connected.
"I love you," He whispered, his hand still caressing my back.
"I love you, too," I replied, gently pushing the jeans down his legs.
He stood from the bed and kicked the pants off, then turned back to me with a grin. I flashed a grin of my own, and let my eyes travel down his body. Muscles and skin I'd seen so many times before suddenly looked different, new, exciting. My entire body surged with anticipation as he crawled back up the bed. This was something I'd imagined for years, but never actually thought I'd get to experience. But now I was, and the feelings coursing through my body far exceeded any I could've ever imagined. I'd always expected to be self conscious when this moment came, wondering if I'd be good enough for him, or if I'd freak him out, or if I'd even remember what I was doing (yes, it had been that long.) But honestly, I was the farthest thing from my mind. From the first second he'd said I love you, I could think of nothing but him.
I gasp as his fingers release the button on my jeans, then slowly travel down my zipper. I lift my hips slightly, making his easier for him as he tugs my jeans down. He follows them completely down my legs, tickling every inch of skin he comes across. By the time my jeans leave my ankles, my entire body is covered in goosebumps and I'm seconds away from begging him for more. Thankfully (in a way), I never get the chance as he collapses onto his side, and pulling me along with, reunites our lips.
Our lips clash slowly, each kiss laced with the taste of passion. His hands slowly, tantalizingly caress my back as mine move across his chest. As my fingers brush softly against a nipple, he moans into the kiss. His hands glide easily down my back, coming to a stop at the waistband of my boxer-briefs. In silent encouragement, I grind against him gently, dragging my lips down his jaw. I litter his jaw with soft kisses, traveling downward until I reached his neck. As I began to nip softly at the flesh, his hands pushed past the waistband, and even more slowly than he had my jeans, he pushed my boxers from my hips.
This skin, however, was more sensitive than the rest, and I couldn't control my whimpers as his hands roamed along it. He stopped his movements just below my knee, leaving me to wriggle from my boxers. He pressed against me tightly as I began to work free from the fabric, our hips grinding together with each movement. The friction from his boxers against my bare skin coaxed a quiet moan from my lips As I kicked the fabric from my ankles, his teeth clamped down on my earlobe, and he whispered softly into my ear.
"At the risk of sounding like a complete and total loser. I'm kinda new at this..."
He trailed off, and his cheeks flushed so darkly he nearly matched our uniforms. Even though I knew it's probably the last thing I should do, I giggled at him and laid my head against his chest. There are times I forget he's the novice in this relationship, and I'm the one with years of....I'm the one with experience. He's just so at ease with everything; he makes everything seem so simple even though it's usually complicated. He's the strong one in the relationship, there's no doubt. But right now, I could literally feel his nervousness as he trembles just slightly against me. It's my turn now to be the strong one.
I lift my head from his chest, and plant a quick kiss to his lips. He shivers lightly, then sighs as I pull away and reach behind me. It doesn't take much digging into my bedside table to find the tube, and with a slightly giddy smile, I turn back to him.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" I whispered, squeezing the tube in my hand.
He nods, sliding closer to me and slipping an arm around my back. "I want you, Kirk,"
His words send shivers down my spine, and I melt against him. I'd dreamed about hearing those words for so longa. And like every other bit of this relationship, and this situation, they were better than I ever could've expected. To know that Kris wanted me, like I'd wanted him for so long, may just be the second greatest feeling in the world. Yes, I said second. The first isn't what you think it is. No, the first is knowing that he loved me.
I kissed him softly, wiggling slightly until our bodies were pressed together. Our lips continued their dance as I traced my hand down his arm, keeping just a feather light contact between my fingers and his skin. When I reached his hand, I entwined our fingers, locking the small tube between them. Hoping he'd get the hint without me having to actually say it (which would probably turn into a big blush fest, and a big problem), I carefully pulled my hand away. He must've understood as his hand closed around the tube, and he smiled into the kiss. From that point, it took almost no time for him to catch on, and I quickly felt a slick finger enter me.
I moaned quietly, reluctantly pulling my lips away from his and nuzzling against his neck. He sighed contentedly and cautiously slipped another finger into me. I kissed at his neck, encouraging his actions without words. As his motions grew bolder, my pleasure became more intense, my entire body tingling with each movement. My body throbbed in pleasure, each pulse telling me the same thing; I couldn't take much more. So taking the initiative, I brought my hands to his boxers, and tucked my fingers past the elastic. He whimpered as I slowly pushed them down, keeping his fingers inside me until our positions no longer allowed. I sighed at the loss, but my sigh quickly became a gasp as he took me in his hand. The sudden feeling was almost enough to distract me from my task at hand, but with a light shake of the head I was able to continue. I followed his boxers down until I reached the knees, leaving him to kick them the remaining way off as he had with me. He quickly wriggled free from the fabric, then stared at me with a mild grin. I flashed a grin of my own, grazing my hand softly down his cheek. Our lips touched softly, the kiss lasting only seconds, until he nudged me onto my back.
It took just a few seconds to get situated, then he was inside me. I stared up into his eyes, and it was like the rest of the world slipped away. Staring up into those shimmering blue pools, I was rendered still. The sheer look of love in his eyes was almost enough to push me over the edge. I'd waited, hoped, dreamed of this moment, and now it was finally here. I was almost in shock, waiting for my alarm clock to blare at any moment and rip me from this wonderful dream. But as he began to thrust gently, I quickly realized as the pleasure shook my body that this was real. With each jolt of pleasure that shot down my spine, every feeling and thought I'd had in the past seven months was confirmed. He loved me, like I loved him. And this, us, was so very, very real. I no longer had to worry that one day I'd wake up and realize that it had all been just a dream. It was real, there was no magic alarm clock that was going to take it away from me now. For the first time in seven months, I could finally say that. I could feel it with every inch of my soul, this was real. This was the love I'd dreamed about, and now it was here in living color.
As his lips find my chest, all thoughts are washed away with the wave of orgasm that sweeps over me. I lose it with a quiet moan, clenching my muscles around him. That pushes him too over the brink, and he explodes inside me with a loud gasp. He thrusts into me one final time, and with a soft hiss pulls himself from me. Completely spent, he collapses onto his side, gathering me up quickly in his arms. A contented sigh is all the noise I can manage as I wrap my arms around his back and lay my head against his chest. A soft kiss to the top of my head makes me shiver, and as usual he giggles at me. I'd protest, but I'm entirely too happy to care about being mocked. This day was an emotional roller coaster, but it was ending with the best one possible. Complete and total happiness. No wait, scratch that. Complete and total euphoria.
I'd run the full gauntlet of emotions today. It started with the happiness, then went to anger, then sadness, then anger some more, then confusion, then pain, and then back to the happiness, but this time more intensely. It was a tiring experience, but I wasn't going to complain. For three years I'd loved him, and wanted nothing more than to feel that in return. It was a difficult and rocky road getting there, but it had happened. And I finally got to feel it, to feel the one love that I'd ever wanted. Right now, more than ever, I felt it. Because now, all my fears and insecurities were gone. All the questions about what this was or was not, were gone. This was the only thing I'd secretly ever wanted. This was THAT love. How about that for a birthday present?
Kris's lips pressed softly to the bandage on my forehead snap me from my thoughts. I looked up at him with a smile, and he brought his lips to mine for a soft kiss.
"Happy birthday, baby," He whispered, pressing his lips to the bandage once more.
"Thank you," I murmured, nuzzling against his neck.
"I didn't get you a present..."
I giggled lightly, and placed a soft kiss to his neck. "Yes you did. The best gift you possibly could've,"
He sighed and wrapped his arms around my back, hugging me tightly to him. "Actually, I got you a Game Cube. But you don't get that until Christmas, I'm cheap and didn't want to get you two gifts," I giggled at him, and opted not to tell him how he was completely taking a page from my parent's book with that. Instead I slid down his body until my head hit his chest, and decided to set up camp there. Wrapping my arms around his back, and entwining my legs with his, I placed a soft kiss to his chest as I closed my eyes. His breathing leveled off quickly, and it became apparent that the sandman had won their battle. But before I submitted myself, a few thoughts refused to leave my head without recognition. I'd turned 30, and the world didn't end. I didn't feel older, at all. But I felt different. Better. Thirty had brought so many new feelings into my life, feelings I don't think I was totally ready for at 29. But now, at 30, I think...no, I know that I can handle them.
I'm probably not the world's most ideal 30-year-old; single, no kids, laying naked in bed with my teammate, but I'm doing the best I can. At least now, at 30, I realize that if my 30 best isn't good enough, 31 isn't that far away. And the man in my arms is living proof that it only gets better at 31. I'd asked myself this morning "Thirty, Dear God why me?" I knew the answer now; I was lucky.
Soft heavenly eyes gazed into me
Transcending space and time
And I was rendered still
There were no words for me to find at all
As I stood there beside myself
I could see you and no one else
When I saw you
When I saw you
I could not breathe
I fell so deep
When I saw you
When I saw you
I'd never be, I'd never be the same
Mariah Carey "When I Saw You"
Used Without Permission
End
© 2003 Triple X
