Rating: For this part, still PG-13.
Original Date of Completion: December 2002
Disclaimer: I own them, you can't have them. This is fake, so no suing.
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Kris' POV
Dammit. Why do I have to be such an ass sometimes? I was so out of line to hang up on him, especially on his birthday. I really don't know what came over me. I just saw all the snow on TV, and all of it outside, and my stomach just twisted with concern. I told myself the entire time he was in the shower that he'd be fine, but that feeling still didn't go away. I've got a long history with feelings like this, and when I get them bad things usually do happen. The sucky part about that though, I can't predict what bad things are going to happen, just that they probably are. So with that feeling, I tried to tell him I didn't want him to go, figuring that might put an end to the feeling. But it didn't, all it resulted in was our first real argument. I guess that could be the bad thing that happened. There's just one problem with that theory; I still had that feeling.
"You're being ridiculous," I muttered to myself as I pulled into my driveway. "He'll be fine,"
But even telling myself that, I couldn't shake the feeling. I didn't like worrying. Not about anything, and especially not about Kirk. But, he was on the short list of people that I always worried about, no matter what. I know how crazy it was for me to react like that earlier, but that's just the way he makes me. Crazy. I love him so damned much, and with that I just get the feeling like I need to protect him. I just have a hard time remembering that he doesn't really need me to, or a lot of times want me to. Like today. I guess I'm still not used to that. It's just too much in my personality to protect the things I love.
You'd think being married to Julie all these years would've broke me of that. She was exactly like Kirk in that one way; neither one of them needed my protecting, but I still felt like I had to give it to both of them. She was a bit more receptive of it than him; she'd just nod and smile, then roll her eyes when I turned around. Kirk got genuinely irritated, but most times it just ended in good natured arguing. But then today, of all days, it resulted in a fight. I don't honestly know how it happened. One thing led to another and boom, I was walking out about as pissed as I'd ever been at him. It seems so stupid looking back now, but I was honestly pissed off at him when it was happening, and I don't really know why. All I do know is this was not the way I wanted to wish him happy birthday.
But do you see me calling him to apologize? Hell no, that would make sense. Besides, I think a part of me wants to make sure he keeps his hands at the ten o’clock and two o'clock positions. And maybe I really just needed some more time to cool down. I might be able to sit here and think about how stupid this all is, and how I was out of line to hang up on him like that. But I wasn't completely to blame for everything. It was a big huge case of overreacting, but tempers had still flared. And both of us were stubborn as hell, and were liable to say something and restart the whole argument. So taking some time to cool off was probably for the best. I'd call him tomorrow once things had calmed down, and apologize. That is, if I could make it that long without dying not knowing if he's okay or not. The odds of that happening don't exactly shine in my favor.
I'm sure I'll wind up waiting about three hours and then calling his parent's house to see if they've heard from him yet. In the meantime I'd just drive Julie insane. She's on the phone as I walk into the house, and she blows me a kiss from the living room. I smile at her, then turn and hang my jacket before walking into the kitchen. I'd gotten about three drinks of coffee before it had wound up on the floor, and the lack of caffeine was starting to catch up with me. But thankfully, Julie had as big a caffeine addiction as I did, so a pot of coffee sat waiting on the counter. I poured myself a cup, adding spoonful after spoonful of sugar without really measuring how many I'd used, as was my usual routine. The caffeine on its own was good, but the sugar was really what got me going. Though I don't know what I needed to get going for. Most of this day would be spent obsessing about my boyfriend, and annoying Julie didn't require much energy. But the kids would be up at some point, so the sugar would probably pay off in the end.
Once I'd finished creating my diabetic nightmare, I grabbed the cup and carried it back into the living room. Julie still sat on the phone, smiling and holding up one finger as I sat down beside her. I nodded and grabbed the paper from the coffee table, drowning her out as I started reading about CuJo's shut-out on the Blue Jackets the night before. I generally tried to steer clear of the papers about us, but it was sitting right there and I had nothing else to do. Besides, I'd scored the game winner yesterday, and I'd given them a nice little quote that I wanted to read. "I scored that for Malts' birthday," Draper said of his third period goal that put the Wings on the board. "I figure if I scored him a goal for his birthday, maybe he'd learn to pass me the puck more often." Kirk had found that less than amusing, chucking a roll of tape at me when the reporters left. But he'd turned all smiles when I gave him the puck. Until I shoved it down his pants, anyway. Then he'd shrieked like a little girl and threatened to kill me. I snickered at the memory, shaking my head as I put the paper away. I'm pulled from my thoughts by the beep of the phone, and Julie's voice snaps my attention to her.
"Have a good night?" She asked with a grin, reaching over and sitting the phone down on the coffee table.
I sighed as I grabbed my coffee from the table and took a quick drink. "The night was good. The morning on the other hand," I shrugged.
That typical look of concern spread across her face, and she slid up on the couch until her back rested against the arm. "What happened?"
I sighed again, placing my coffee back onto the table. "It's nothing. We just had a little bit of an argument, that's all,"
"Kris," She sighed, sounding slightly annoyed. "You wouldn't even bring it up if it wasn't something, so you may as well tell me,"
I turned to her and stared intently into her eyes. That look of concern was still there, but it was mixed now with impatience. I sometimes wondered why she cared so much about my and Kirk's relationship. From the very beginning she'd been right there beside us. She knew that we loved each other long before we even realized. And after we did, she'd given us her complete blessing. I don't honestly know how well off our relationship would be without Julie. She was like an important brick in the foundation of our relationship. Sometimes I think it's wrong for us to put her in that position, for us to burden her with our relationship. That was why I hadn't just come in and spilled everything to her. She'd already had to deal with enough of our relationship in the last couple weeks with me picking her brain about what to get Kirk for his birthday. Of course, she'd insist it was all okay. But nonetheless, I felt kind of weird unloading our first real fight onto her shoulders.
"It's nothing major, I promise. We just had a stupid little argument over the weather, and now we're taking some time to cool down,"
"The weather?" She questioned, raising an eyebrow.
"I'd rather not get into it," I sighed, shaking my head.
She replied with a sigh of her own as she climbed off the couch. With her gone, I turned and laid down, my feet hanging slightly over the edge. Julie looked down with a slight smile, then patted me on the head. I shook my head with a yawn, adjusting a pillow beneath my head as Julie began straightening up the coffee table.
"The night must've been better than you're letting on if you're so tired," She teased, gathering the paper from the table.
"That was the morning too," I snickered, ignoring the slight tingle that the memory produced.
"The morning? Well, they always did say sex was different for gay men,"
I laughed and rolled my eyes at her. "There was no sex to be had. Believe me, if there was sex, you'd be the first to know,"
"And I thank you for indulging my sick fantasy," She giggled, leaning down and kissing my cheek.
I snorted a laugh, shaking my head at her slightly, but still not lifting it from the pillow. She muttered a "You lazy ass" as she carried the paper over and dropped it into the bin beside the fireplace. The bin slammed shut with a loud clang, which sent her immediately grabbing the baby monitor, bringing it up to her ear. Silence loomed, and the monitor was quickly dropped in front of me. I looked up at her with a raised eyebrow, garnering myself another pat on the head.
"I have to go get Ken from Cheryl and Darren's, remember?" She asked tauntingly.
"Yes, I remember," I stuck my tongue out at her. "I just didn't know if you were going right now,"
"I was going to go earlier, but they just sat down for breakfast, so I'm going now,"
"Okay. Should I expect him up any time soon?" I asked, holding up the baby monitor as she stepped out of my sight.
"Probably not. He was up with me pretty much all night last night, so I wouldn't be surprised if he slept all day,"
"Okay. Be careful, Julie. It's a mess out there,"
"I've got The Tank" She laughed, referring to our Suburban. "I'll be fine. You just enjoy your nap. And for Kienan's sake, take a shower. You stink,"
Before I had a chance to respond, the door was clicking closed behind her. I shook my head as I sat up, bringing the baby monitor to my ear. There was nothing but silence on the other end, which was always a good thing. Especially now, because I DID need a shower. I wouldn't go as far as Julie did and say that I stunk, but I definitely felt unclean. I usually got a shower before I left Kirk's house, but things today made sure that didn't happen.
I'd been telling Kirk to move into a place with two bathrooms for a while now, if only for convenience on practice days where we overslept, thus sending one of us to practice without a shower. But every time I suggested it, he always said "What would be the point, you're only here a couple days a week anyway. And besides, if I moved into a bigger place, my rent would go up." Blah blah blah. He says that like he couldn't afford it or something, like I just magically forgot he signed a four-year contract like two weeks ago. I love that boyfriend of mine, but he's a cheapskate, no doubt about it.
I got slowly to my feet, stretching out with a slight yawn. I grabbed my coffee from the table, taking one last drink of the now lukewarm liquid, then carrying it and baby monitor with me to the kitchen. I dropped the coffee off in the sink, but the baby monitor continued on with me down the hall and into the bathroom.
A slight murmur resonated from the monitor as I started the shower, but not another sound came as I held it to my ear. I hopped under the water and took as quick a shower as possible, hurrying through everything in case Kienan woke up. Back in the day I wouldn't have worried, because the shower and Kienan were only a wall apart. But now with everything that had occurred in the past months, Julie had the master bedroom, and I lived in the old guest room, which meant I got the other shower. That's not to say I was banned from the master bath; I could've just as easily took a shower up there and been closer in case Kienan woke up. But since I'd moved out, Julie had turned it into the girliest bathroom on the Planet. All the candles, and the bath salts, and the flowers, it was a man's nightmare. You lost a little bit of manhood just walking in there. And at this point, I didn't have a whole lot left to spare. So it was really an easy decision to use my own shower. Odds were Kienan would stay asleep anyway. And if not, I was a fast runner.
I made it through my shower with minor interruption, just a few little murmurs from the baby monitor. No full blown cries erupted, but nonetheless when I was dried and dressed, I went upstairs to check on him. He laid awake in his crib, just laying there like he was giving me time to check on him before crying to get my attention. He wasn't really a crybaby, so I shouldn't be surprised. Especially since 90% of the time I DO check on him before he starts crying. I just couldn't help myself. I was away from him so much that when I was around, he saw more of me than he probably wanted to. The same thing went for Kennedi, only difference being she could tell me to go away. But this little guy, he was stuck with me until he could learn to talk. I'd better enjoy that while I can, when he starts talking he'll probably take after his sister and tell me to go away.
But for now, it was just giggles as I picked him up. I grabbed his blanket on the way from the crib, tucking it between us as I left the room. Almost immediately he snuggled against it, bringing a smile to my face. He loved that blanket, he snuggled up to it like that anytime it was near him. I could never see it without smiling. But then again, I couldn't usually see any of my kids without smiling. I say usually, because K-Mac has a tendency to annoy me before making me smile. But I'm not surprised, he is half Kirk's after all. And more often than not Kirk annoys me, in that "I love him so much, I want to kiss him until I can't breathe" sort of way. But nonetheless the annoyance is there; but it's always followed up with a smile. Well, except for today. But that wasn't really annoyance. I don't really know what that was, but it wasn't annoyance.
I sigh as I drop down onto the couch, laying back with Kienan against my chest. He yawns slightly, and I plant a soft kiss to his head. It takes no time at all for me to realize that he's out cold, thus leaving me alone with my thoughts. Normally I'd be okay with that; whenever I laid down with him or Kennedi, I was a lot more relaxed than I usually was, and thinking came really easily. But right now, thinking wasn't something I really wanted to do. The only thing I'd wind up thinking about would be Kirk. And the more I thought about him, the more upset I was going to be with myself for the way I'd acted. I'd already accepted that I was going to apologize, no more thinking was necessary. The last thing I needed was to overanalyze everything, and wind up getting mad again. My anger had cooled sufficiently in the past few hours, and I liked it that way. Thinking would just bring it back.
With a quiet yawn, I reach over to the coffee table and grab the remote. The radio clicks on, instantly muted by a quick finger. Still in silence, I flip through the stations until I reach easy listening. Slowly I lift the volume, stopping when it's just barely audible. I shift on the couch, holding Kienan as still as possible. His slumber isn't disturbed, and with a smile I kiss his head again gently. He's so beautiful when he sleeps. Even more so right now, because if he slept, I slept too. At least until Julie and Kennedi got back.
* * *
To my surprise, it's the shrill ringing of a telephone that snaps me from my slumber, and not the crying of a child. But it doesn't take long for the ringing to be accompanied by light cries from my son. Groggily I sit up, holding Kienan against my shoulder and bouncing him gently. I grab the phone from the coffee table and quickly switch it on, putting an end to the shrill ringing and Kienan's cries at the same time. I look at him with a frown as I bring the phone to my ear. He has issues with the ring, I hope he doesn’t have ear problems.
"Hello?" I said, Kienan squirming in my grasp.
"Hello," An unfamiliar voice returned. “Is this Mr. Draper?"
"Yes..." I replied hesitantly, squeezing the phone between my shoulder and ear as I laid Kienan back on the couch.
"Kris Draper?"
"Yes,"
"Good evening, Mr. Draper. My name is Yvette, and I'm calling from Henry Ford Hospital,"
In an instant my heart dropped, and panic quickly overtook me. I glanced at the clock on the wall and felt my throat close up as I read the numbers 7:17. The first thought that pops to mind is one I don't want. Julie had left five hours ago, in this insane storm, and had yet to come back. Darren's house was only a few miles away, a 10 minute drive even in a storm like the one outside. If she were going to stay there, she would've called. But she hadn't, and now I was getting a phone call from a hospital. Every possible bad scenario ran through my head, swirling so fast I felt lightheaded. I tried to stand up, but my legs were shaking too badly to support my weight, and I collapsed back onto the couch. Now utterly terrified, I clenched the phone in my hand and forced out a reply.
"Henry Ford...hospital?" I asked quietly, fighting to steady the phone against my ear.
"Yes, sir. We have a patient here by the name of Kirk Maltby. You were listed as an emergency contact,"
At the finish of her words a knife was driven into my stomach. Not a literal knife, of course, but a feeling so bad it felt just like it. My stomach churned, and my head began to throb. Both feelings told me the same thing, I'd been right. That feeling of worry I'd had was now vindicated. I'd tried to convince myself that I was just crazy, that nothing was going to happen to him. I'd told myself after I left his place that he'd be okay, and I could apologize after we'd had time to cool off, that it wouldn't hurt anything to wait. And now, I was an emergency contact from a hospital, where he was a patient for God knows what. My stomach flipped at just the thought, and it took all I had not to throw up and actually be able to speak.
"What...what happened?" I stammered nervously, grabbing a handful of Kienan's blanket in an attempt to steady my nerves.
"He was involved in a car accident..."
"I'll be right there," I interrupted, switching off the phone before she could say another word.
Forcing my shaky legs, I got to my feet, bracing myself against the couch. My head was spinning, and the throbbing in my stomach increased with each breath. It took at least a minute before I could form a complete thought. And even when I did, it was the same one I'd had when I'd hung up the phone. I had to get to him. Slowly I walked toward the door, and completely numbed, except for the throbbing in my stomach, slipped my boots on. As I reached for my jacket the phone screamed out again, followed immediately by Kienan. I ran back into the living room, nearly tripping over the coffee table as I grabbed the phone and switched it on.
"Hello?" I asked urgently, rubbing soft circles along Kienan's stomach to slow his cries.
"Word up, G," Sean's voice came from the other end of the phone.
"Sean," I sighed in relief, glancing out the picture window. "How fast can you get here?"
"Me and Dandy are about ten minutes away," He replied. "We're borrowing the steam cleaner from Julie. Why, what's up?"
Under normal circumstances I would ask them what they needed a steam cleaner for, and then mock them ruthlessly no matter what their answer. But these circumstances were less than normal. I had a boyfriend in the hospital, a missing wife, and a baby I really didn't want to take out in a blizzard. If they were 10 minutes away, that meant I wouldn't have to take Kienan out in that mayhem. And if I didn't have him with me, that meant the less careful I had to be to get to Kirk.
"Kirk's in the hospital and I need you to watch Kienan," I had no time to mince words.
What?” Sean asked, alarm evident in his voice.
"I don't have time to explain right now, just hurry up and get here,"
"We're on our way,"
The call ended with a beep, and I dropped the phone back onto its base. My hands shook slightly, but the shakes were quelled as I balled my hands into fists. My mind was consumed with worry. I almost wished I'd let the lady from the hospital keep talking, so at least I'd know what I was headed for. But I knew deep down why I'd hung up, if I were going to be hit with something bad, I'd rather see it for myself than get it from a total stranger. Somehow, that was a comfort, though I'm not really sure how. I guess I was just the type that liked to face the bad head on. I'd rather not have to face the bad at all. But if I had to face it, I'd rather face it on my own instead of through someone else.
The minutes spent waiting for Sean and Dandy to arrive seemed like the longest of my life. My heart was beating so fast, I could masquerade as the Lions quarterback. Even sitting with Kienan against my chest and rubbing his back couldn't calm me down. There had been few times in my life where I'd been this scared. But the last time hadn't been that long ago, and it had been for nearly the same thing. The fear of losing him. When confronted with that thought, I became a complete and total nervous wreck. I knew somewhere in my mind that I was just being paranoid. My mind was doing now what earlier I'd prevented with a nap, and that was overanalyzing everything. Any thought I had, I found some way to blame this all on myself. Like maybe if I had said everything differently, he would've listened and not drove. Or maybe if I hadn't just left and stayed to talk things out, I could've stalled him off long enough so it was too late for him to go. Or maybe, somehow, if we hadn't parted in anger, this wouldn't be happening now. I couldn't say for sure any of it was my fault. But until I heard from his lips that it wasn't, I was going to assume it was.
When Sean and Dandy finally arrived, I was waiting for them at the door. I handed Kienan off to Sean immediately and tried to make my exit. But before I had the chance to, Mathieu grabbed my shoulder, and the look on his face when he asked what was going on made it obvious I wasn't leaving without giving him an answer. I explained everything I knew as quickly as I could, getting more nervous with each word I spoke. By the time I finished speaking, the fear could be seen on both of their faces, and Mathieu stood somewhat cuddled on Sean's arm. Even as much as I wasn't really in the mood to, I couldn’t beat back a smile at the two of them. They smiled weakly in return, Sean's cheeks tinting slightly pink. I shook my head at him, then reached out and ruffled his hair. He slapped my hand away, then with an "I'll call as soon as I can" I turned and walked to my car.
Seeing Sean and Dandy like that had succeeded in somewhat calming my nerves. But even with that, I was still more nervous than perhaps I ever had been. I could barely see through the snow; the flakes like a white wall, with nothing but tiny cracks to see through. I wish I could say that caused me to be careful, to drive safe and slowly, but it didn't. I traveled in excess of 70 the whole way, praying to anything that could hear me to not let there be any other cars on the road. Fortunately there wasn't, which was made extra great as the icy roads decided occasionally to send me spinning into the next lane. Each time that happened I would pause and tell myself how stupid I was being. But as that thought would cross my mind I would be reminded of Kirk. I'd ask myself if that was what had happened to him, if he'd been unlucky enough to have another car on the road with him. And each time I could picture him laying in the hospital, alone, calling out to me, and my journey would resume at the same pace. As stupid as I knew it was, driving the way I was, I couldn't keep from doing it. But it all paid off in the end when I pulled into the hospital parking lot, safe and sound, and no longer than 30 minutes from when I'd left my house.
I wasted no time in sprinting from my car and straight to the Trauma Center check-in. A woman looked up at me from the desk, smiling and holding up one finger, mouthing the words "one minute." I nodded, somewhat annoyed, and turned my back to the desk. The ER was surprisingly empty for a storm like this. I guess other people had been smart enough to stay home. Either that, or when people told them they were worried and didn't want them driving, they listened. My stomach throbs with that thought, and I curse myself for even thinking it. I was here because he was here, in the ER, it was no time for my pride to flare up. I shake my head and turn back to the desk, just in time to see the receptionist hang up the phone.
"Can I help you, sir?" She asks, her voice ringing familiar. As she moved, I caught a glimpse of her name tag and realized she was the one that had called me earlier.
"Kirk Maltby," I replied almost desperately.
"Right through that door," She replied, pointing at a set of doors behind me. "He'll be in the fourth bed on your right,"
I didn't take time to say thank you, being insufferably rude to poor Yvette for the second time that day. But frankly, that was of little concern. The only thing of concern to me right now was Kirk. I'd spent a good chunk of my day worrying about him, and another good chunk trying to stop. I'd succeeded in the latter, but now that I was here, and about to see him, the worry was back.
The spinning in my head returned as I pushed past the doors. The nauseatingly sterile hospital scent quickly filled my nostrils, and my stomach churned. I could feel my heartbeat thumping in my ears, adding to the already overwhelming feelings coursing through my body. I was almost amazed that I hadn't passed out by the time I approached bed number four. I took a deep breath, and slowly pushed the curtain back. And as my eyes took him in, I completely lost it.
TBC
© 2003 Triple X
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