Rating: PG-13
Original Date of Completion: May 2002
Disclaimer: Don't own em, will one day. Don't sue me. This is a work of fiction from my demented little mind.
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Kirk's POV
Instantly, my world is frozen. It's almost like I'm outside of myself, looking in. My tears ceased the second he spoke. I'm still standing there, hugging a wall, fighting to figure out if what I just heard was real. It can't be. There is no way on this Earth that Kris just said he loved me. But if he didn't say that, what did he say? Not a whole lot of things sound like "Kirk, I love you." But...come on...Kris? My mind is swirling. If any more thoughts invade, stuff is going to start falling out. And my luck, something that fell out would be like my knowing how to skate, or remembering not to crack on Bowman about his hair. Slowly, I turn around to face him. His eyes are moist with tears, and my stomach aches at the sight. But, he's smiling. I take a few deep breaths before I'm finally able to speak.
"What?" I asked, my voice small and almost inaudible.
He smiles again, and I can't help thinking how beautiful he is. Even if his face is red from crying, and looks even darker compared to his usually pale skin, he's still so beautiful. He's just....Kris.
"I love you, Kirk," He replies tearfully, stepping closer to me.
Before I even know what's happening, his lips are on mine. I'm immediately lost in the sensation. His hands slip behind my head and run softly through my hair. Emotions shooting through me are like nothing I could've ever imagined. Kris is kissing me. Dear God, I don't think I'd ever grasp that. As I feel his lips on mine, I'm reminded of what that really means. Kris, father of two, husband of one, best friend for six years, is kissing me. My mind tells me how wrong this is, but it feels so right. Something I've dreamed of for so long has come true. For the first time in my life, I feel complete. I don't ever want this feeling to end. But I know it must as I feel myself running low on air. Reluctantly, I pull my lips from Kris'.
He stands there staring at me with the biggest smile I've ever seen on his face, and he's a big smiler. I can't help but smile in return. It isn't until he brings his hand to my face, and smudges a tear away that I'm made aware I'm crying again. I laugh at myself, and wipe at my eyes with my sleeve. As my hands drop from my face, he rubs the back of his hand softly against my beard. I smile at him, but raise my eyebrow in a questioning look.
"Never kissed facial hair before," He explains happily, a sparkle in his eyes that makes me weak in the knees. "It's nice,"
I giggle lightly, and for a brief second contemplate a joke. The urge passes, and I'm left standing in front of my best friend who just kissed me. You couldn't surgically remove my smile right now. But I quickly begin thinking about what this means. I'd never considered the possibility that Kris may actually love me in return. There is so much to think about with this. Could I really go through with this? Yank him away from Julie, and the kids? I could never, I knew that. But God, I loved him so much. I wanted nothing more right now than to collapse into his arms and tell him never to let go. But I couldn't. I couldn't do that to those people I loved so much. My sadness returns quickly with a vengeance. I know the tears are falling again just from the look on Kris' face.
"What's wrong?" He asks, reaching up and swabbing a tear from my cheek.
My heart flutters from just that simple touch. I close my eyes and savor the feeling as his fingers graze across my face. I know this will be the last time I ever feel that. I take his hands in mine and kiss them softly. When I open my eyes, he's staring me directly in the eye, searching my soul without words.
"I can't do this," I manage to speak through my tears, once again jamming my eyes shut.
"What? Why?" He asked, his voice drowned in tears.
I keep my eyes shut, because I know that one look at his face would melt my resolve. I can hardly find the strength to speak through my heart paining sobs. My dreams were nothing like this. In my dreams, we lived happily ever after. But this, this was about as far from that as possible. My biggest wish had been granted. And now, I had to send it back. I was right on the money when I said love sucks. I fight desperately to catch my breath, and squeak out my reasons.
"Julie....Ken....Keenan....I could never...."
That's all I'm able to speak before I'm pulled into his arms. I bury my face in his shoulder and cry harder than I ever have in my life. He runs his hands soothingly across my back, and it feels so perfect. But I know it is wrong. As I slip my arms around him, I feel him shaking. His tears are silent, but I hear him gasping for breath. This is the worst pain of my life. He loved me, but I couldn't have him. I had to let go the one thing I've ever really loved. When I said love sucked, I never dreamed it was this bad. I know I should, but I can't free myself from his embrace. I just can't do it. He pulls me closer to him and squeezes me tightly.
"Kirk, you idiot," He wails, breaking my thoughts. "Julie knows. She's the one that told me to ask myself what I felt for you," He separates our embrace, and I collapse back against the wall. "She told me to ask myself, but she knew the answer all along. When I looked at you earlier, I finally realized. I love you, Kirk Maltby,"
Tears are streaming down his face, but he's no longer crying. He's looking at me pleadingly, almost begging me to speak. But I can't find the words. My mind is racing. Kris loved me, and Julie knew. I wasn't being a homewrecker, at least not that bad of one. My dream really had come true. There was nothing stopping me now. Well, except the fact that I seemingly can't move. I attempt to speak, but each time my voice is drowned out with sobs. But it's not from sorrow. It's happiness. I can't remember the last time I cried from happiness. I watch as Kris steps closer to me. He grabs my hand in his, and immediately I fall into his arms.
"God Kirk, I love you so much," He says frantically, rubbing his hands on my back. "I could kick myself for waiting this long to realize,"
Although his words sound so good, and they're what I've lived to hear, I know I have to speak. I try to stifle my tears, but it really doesn't work. But they decrease in force, giving me time enough to catch my breath. "I love you, Kris," I speak softly, my voice sounding like a rusty hinge. "I have for a long time,"
Kris doesn't speak in return, but pulls me tighter to him. We stand like that for minutes, crying against one another in the most unmanly of ways. If the guys ever found that out, they'd have a field day. But right now, I really didn't care. I was in heaven. As I stood there in Kris' arms, I knew I was in the one place I was supposed to be. Just being in his arms cleared up so many questions. I knew now what I was here for. I wasn't here to play hockey. I was here to love this man. And with every breath of life in my body, that's just what I planned to do.
Eventually, our tears cease and we're just standing there, holding on to one another. It feels so good to have his arms around me, I can't even explain it. My face is buried in the crook of his neck, and I breathe in deeply, taking in his wondrous scent. I never noticed before, but Kris smells really good. Okay, so I've probably noticed before. But I've never really been this close to tell for sure. He nuzzles up against my neck, eliciting that fluttery feeling and a few giggles from me. Everything about this is so perfect. I feel....giddy. I have never been more happy in my life than I am right now. Never thought I'd say it, but the Stanley Cup has nothing on this.
"Think we should let go?" He asks into my neck, breaking our long silence.
"Never," I reply, squeezing him tighter. "Don't ever let me go,"
"Don't you worry baby, I don't plan to,"
Oh. My. God. Kris just called me baby. I'm about 10 seconds away from squealing like a school girl. 'Calm down, Kirk. Don't embarrass yourself.' I tell myself. 'Fuck you dude, Kris just called me baby.' Pardon me whilst I have a quick conversation with myself. I take in a few deep breaths to calm myself. This could not possibly get any better. That one statement alone was more than I could've ever asked for. I seriously don't want to separate from him now. Maybe if we stay like this, he'll say more nice things that make me forget that bad things ever existed.
"Okay, than it's settled. We stay like this forever," I joke lamely, resting my chin on his shoulder.
"I'd love to. Like, you have no idea how much. Now that I've got you, I don't ever want to let go," He replies, still speaking into my neck.
"Then I see no problem,"
"Well, there is one little thing. If we don't get to practice, Scotty's chin will open up and swallow us whole, love or no love,"
Both of us burst into laughter, but much to my delight, the embrace doesn't separate. It's probably just from the overflow of emotions we've went through today, but we stand there laughing about that for almost ten minutes. When our laughter begins to die down, we separate, both of us fighting for breath. I fall back against my wall and slide down to the floor. Kris crouches down in front of me, and grabs my left hand in his right. Our fingers intertwine, and he smiles brightly at me. He touches my face with his left hand, and I get goosebumps.
"Kirk, I have a question," He states, suddenly serious.
"Anything," I reply squeezing his hand.
"Can I kiss you?" He asks nervously, looking down at the floor.
I think for a fleeting moment how I should reply with something heavily romantic. But he is still my best friend, and my instincts will take a little bit of adjusting.
"You didn't ask me the first time," I giggle in return.
The giggle is more from the thought that there WAS a first time than from the statement itself. I see Kris laugh, but barely hear a sound. He sighs ridiculously loud, and looks up into my eyes.
"Here I go, trying to be all romantic and stuff, and you gotta ruin it,"
"You'll get used to it. I do it a lot," I explain, grinning like a moron.
"Is that so?" He asks, leaning in closer.
"Uh huh," No more can be said as our lips meet once again. Unlike our first kiss, which was rushed, and overrun with passion, this one is much slower, much more loving. Our tongues never become involved. Just our lips touching softly, sending shockwaves all through me each time. His hands once more find the back of my neck, and he cradles my head as our kisses continue. The kiss could've only lasted a minute, but I know I'll remember that one kiss for a lifetime. Never in my life had I been kissed that good. When we separate, we simply stare at each other with smiles plastered across our faces, not saying a word. Eventually however, Kris hops to his feet and pulls me along with him. We both laugh as we find ourselves again locked in an embrace.
"I sense a pattern coming on," He laughs, rubbing his hands on my back.
"At least it's a good one," I murmur, cuddling against his neck.
"Mm, and how," He agrees, hugging me tightly.
"But I guess we should get to practice," I say reluctantly, not attempting to separate.
"Yeah. Mac would miss us if we didn't,"
I giggle, and plant a soft kiss on his neck as we separate. "I'm not worried about him missing us. It's more being afraid of Scotty's chin than anything,"
He laughs heartily for a few seconds, then shakes his head. He doesn't say anything, just points to the door. I grab my bag from the couch, and unzip it quickly to check for everything. Everything is accounted for, so I slip my jacket on and pat the pockets. I pull out my cell phone, and kiss it in a ridiculous gesture.
"When I said you needed help, I didn't realize it was this bad," He states, shaking his head at me.
"Yeah, and like I said. That's what they all say, I haven't listened yet," I reply tauntingly, slipping my bag on my shoulder.
He shakes his head at me again, and opens the door. "Just go," He giggles. "I'll deal with your rampant insanity later,"
I choose not to reply, and walk out the door. I bound down the steps and stop at the sidewalk. I hear Kris slam my door, and watch him as he gallops to catch up with me. When we reach the parking lot, I toss my bag into his backseat and clap him on the shoulder. With a "You're driving" I hop into the passenger seat. He doesn't protest, just hops into the car and fires up the engine. As usual, he peels out of the lot, and onto the road. I find myself asking why I let him drive, when I know he drives like a maniac. All thoughts are lost, as he reaches across the seat and grabs my hand. I smile over at him, and get a big smile in return. He turns his eyes back to the road, but I still see the smile on his face. I turn and look out the window, not really thinking of anything. Just enjoying the feeling of having my hand entwined with Kris', of knowing that he loved me. There wasn't a greater feeling on this Earth. We drove the entire way to practice like that, neither of us speaking, both of us just enjoying this new feeling. I could finally say it without my heart aching; I was in love.
TBC.
© 2002 Triple X
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