Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Don't own them, will one day. Don't sue me. This is a work of fiction from my demented little mind.
Original Date of Completion: May 2002
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Kris' POV.
Something is wrong with him. I don't know what. And that pisses me off. I'm his best friend, he's supposed to tell me these things. But lately, getting him to talk to me has been an adventure. Even as he gets into my car, he barely looks at me. I can't help getting the feeling that I did something terrible to him. But I'm sure I didn't. After the Olympic break he just started acting all weird around me. Julie noticed it too. She's really worried about him, but that's just the way she is. I wish I knew what was wrong with him, so I could try and help whatever it is. It bothers me to no end to have the weirdness between us. I love the bonehead, and not having him around makes my life a lot more boring. I'm stuck in a room with Olausson now for sobbing out loud. He does that freaky grin thing in his sleep. I've woken up every night having a nightmare. Kirk's snoring would be a small price to pay to get rid of that.
He stays silent the entire ride to my place. I know he can't possibly be that interested in whatever is on the radio, since I can't even understand it the volume is so low. I just wish he would talk to me, tell me whatever is on his mind. But I know better than to pry. If Kirk doesn't want to tell you something, he doesn't tell you for any reason short of being tortured with red hot pokers and Christina Aguilera music. If I were to pry, he'd just shut down and then I'd really never figure it out. I'm hoping that seeing the kids will soften him up a little, it usually does. If that doesn't work, then I don't know what I'll do. All I do know is I have a fireplace, and Kennedy has a Christina Aguilera CD somewhere. I chuckle to myself and think 'With a little help from Mac and Avery, we could get him tied to a chair.' A giggle almost escapes my lips as I pull into my drive way and bring the car to a stop.
"Here we be," I say, unbuckling my seatbelt.
"Bout time, I'm starving," He joked, cracking a bit of a smile.
"Yeah, we'll I'm sure the food is done. Cold, if anything by now,"
"Oh well, cold Julie lasagna is better than whatever I would've eaten,"
I just smile at him as I open the door. For a brief minute, it almost seems as if he's back to his old self. But his behavior of the past weeks keeps plaguing my thoughts. There's something wrong with him, and I'd be a horrible friend if I just tried to forget that. Of course, I had no idea how to get him to tell me. But I was sure I'd come up with something, somehow. If worse came to worse, I could always get him drunk. He's a lightweight, regardless of what anyone else tells you. As we step into the house, my thoughts are broken by the screaming voice of my little girl. She charges full force to where we stand. And instead of coming to me where I stand with my arms out, she runs right up to Kirk.
"Uncle Kirk!" She screams, latching onto his leg.
"Hey munchkin," He laughs, snatching her up into his arms. "Gimme a kiss,"
She obliged and planted a big kiss on his cheek. I couldn't help but smile as she clung to his neck. She'd always loved Kirk more than any of her other uncles. He was always great with her. Anytime he was over, she was glued to him. I was sure today would be no different. He carried her into the dining room where Julie was setting the table. I walked over and kissed Julie, then took Kennedy from Kirk's arms. I gave her a kiss on the cheek, which she subsequently wiped off, and put her in her chair. Kirk laughed, and I shot a mock glare in his direction. Julie laughed at me, then ushered me to my chair.
"Just sit down hun. We all know she loves Kirk more than you, right sweety?" She asked Kennedy.
"Yep," She replied, bouncing in her chair.
"You don't love me anymore, Ken?" I asked her, jutting out my bottom lip.
"Nope, I only love Uncle Kirk," She giggled
"Fine," I pouted.
"Aw honey, I still love you," Julie teased, kissing me softly.
I glanced over at Kirk and saw a weird expression on his face. I paid no attention to it, as it was quickly gone when lasagna was slapped onto his plate. Julie kissed him on the cheek as she served him, and told him how happy she was to see him. He told her the same thing as she walked on to serve Kennedy. She always served everyone, for some reason. I guess she didn't think me and Kirk able to serve ourselves. But she enjoyed it, so I didn't dare take it away from her. Once everyone was served, she sat down and pronounced us ready to eat.
Conversation during dinner was a strictly Draper family ordeal. Kirk said not one word through dinner, even though his mouth was only full about half the time. Whenever one of us spoke to him, he'd either nod, or grunt in some way or another. Julie kept looking at him with that worried look on her face. I could do nothing but shrug my shoulders. I'd tried for months to get him to tell me what's wrong. But each time, all I got was "I'm fine" and an agitated feeling because I knew he was lying to me. I couldn't figure out for the life of me what could be so horrible that he couldn't tell me, his best friend. But I knew of no way to find out. Because if he wouldn't tell me, odds are he wouldn't tell anyone else either.
Once dinner was over, I offered to help Julie with the dishes, and asked Kirk to put Kennedy to bed. He agreed, and caught a leaping child in his arms. It was good to see him smile as he took her upstairs. I was still worried about him. But I wouldn't have time to think about it this time as Julie shoved me into the kitchen. I walked up to the sink and proceeded to start washing dishes. Julie walked up next to me and began to rinse as I finished. In almost no time at all, the conversation went where I expected it to, what's wrong with Kirk.
"What's up with him? I've never seen him so sullen before," She spoke as she dried a plate and placed it in the strainer.
"I don't know," I sigh, scrubbing away at a plate. "He's been like that for a while now. I can't get him to tell me what's wrong,"
"You have no idea what it could be?"
"Not the faintest,"
"He hasn't mentioned anything offhand? You know how Kirk is,"
"He's barely talked to me at all lately. If he says anything, it's usually "good game."
"I don't like seeing him like this. It really sets off my mother alarm," She explained, turning to face me.
"Don't worry, hun," I said, placing my hands on her hips. "You know how Kirk is. When he wants to tell, then he'll tell, and not a moment before. We just have to go crazy in the meantime,"
"But that sucks,"
"I know," I replied, kissing her on the forehead.
That was the end of our Kirk conversation. For the rest of the time, we talked mostly about the kids, and whom I preferred we played in round 3. It was one of those husband and wife conversations where not a lot needed to be said; it was just good to be together. But even as I talked to her, I could not stop thinking about Kirk. Julie wasn't the only one whose parental alarm went off. I knew there was something wrong with him, something major from the looks of things. But he refused to tell me what it was. He'd completely shut himself away from me in the last few weeks. He still seemed just fine with the other guys, but the second he got around me, he changed. We'd always looked out for each other, on and off the ice. And while I wanted to do that now, I knew it would do nothing but drive him further away. As much as it pained me, I knew the only thing I could do was wait until he decided to tell me.
Once we finished up with the dishes, we did a little making out in the kitchen. After awhile, Julie noticed Kirk had not returned.
"Kirk isn't back yet?" She asked, glancing around the room.
"Is he what you think about when we make out?" I teased, my hands in her back pockets.
"You know it. He wasn't nicknamed sexy hockey man for nothing,"
"Thanks babe, real shot in the ego for me,"
"Eh shut up," She giggled, kissing me quickly on the lips. "You'd better go check on him. Getting her to sleep lately has been an adventure,"
"Okay," I agreed, smacking her playfully on the ass. I dodged out of her way and bolted to the stairs before she could retaliate.
As I reached Kennedy's room, I noticed that the light was off. I crept quietly to the door and peeked inside. There Kirk lay on Kennedy's little bed, hanging halfway off, with her curled up on his chest. Like I said, he'd always been great with her. Seeing that gave me an unexplainable warm feeling. As I turned to walk back downstairs, I heard Kirk say something. Not wanting to wake Kennedy, I stopped and waited for him to speak again. He did, but it was then that I realized he wasn't talking to me.
"I'm really sorry, munchkin, but I'm not gonna be around for awhile. Those feelings I have for your daddy have only gotten worse," He sighed, pausing. I was certain I heard him sniffle before he spoke again. "I never thought I'd say it, but I'm too in love with him. I can't handle being around him and not being with him anymore. I hope you can forgive me one day,"
My mind froze. I tried futilely to comprehend what I'd just heard. That was it all along. I HAD been the reason he was acting so strange. He...loved...me? Wow...I...Wow. I didn't even know he was gay. How could he be in love with me? What was so special about me? I could barely begin to think how I felt about this. Kirk Maltby, my best friend, was in love with me. As much as I kept thinking this was some kind of demented dream, it all made perfect sense. This is why he'd changed so much, why he'd avoided me. I couldn't believe this. How could I face him now that I knew? It's obvious he never meant to tell me. I collapsed back against the wall and slid to the floor. I felt my insides churning. The thought that I'd hurt him for so long made me ill. But what choice did I have in the matter, I didn't know? Even if I did, I can't love Kirk like that, can I? I was so confused I was starting to forget my own name. I could barely register the thought to move. That's why I wound up doing the last thing I wanted to, facing him before I knew what to do.
As he stepped into the hall, I jumped to my feet. I yelled at myself to smile and pretend I hadn't heard, but my body wouldn't cooperate with my mind. As we locked eyes, the color completely drained from his face. I saw tears immediately build in his eyes. I tried to speak, but the words just wouldn't form. He pushed right past me and darted down the stairs. I forced myself to move and charged after him.
"Kirk!" I yelled as I ran after him. He didn't listen, then tossed open the front door and walked out.
"What's going on?" Julie asked from the edge of the dining room.
"I didn't answer her as I continued to chase after Kirk, pleading with him to stop. He didn't adhere to my pleas, and kept furiously walking away. My mind was beginning to form clear thoughts. I knew what I had to do. I had to tell him it was okay. I had to tell him that no matter what, he'd still be my best friend. I needed to stop him, for his own safety. As he reached the end of my driveway, I tried one final time.
"Kirk, please," I begged, emotion flooding my voice.
He stopped in his tracks, and I could see his body shaking. I heard him sniffle and take a ragged breath. I felt as if I'd just kicked a puppy.
"Kirk...."
"Kris, please just go away," He spoke softly, tears evident in his voice.
"I couldn't reply. I watched with silent tears as he walked away. Never had I felt so low. I'd never heard him speak in such a hurt, pained manner before. The idea that I'd been the one to hurt him caused Julie's lasagna to come roaring back up. I fell to my knees and wretched the contents of my stomach into the grass. I began to sob uncontrollably. How could I do that to my best friend? How could I just stand there and stare at him? I should've been telling him it was okay, not wasting time begging him to stop. What the hell is wrong with me, can't I walk and talk at the same time? I'd made a grown man cry, in a non-hockey setting, that was not a life highlight. My heart throbbed painfully in my chest. Never in my life had I felt more pain than I did at that very moment. How could I hurt someone I loved so much? What was wrong with me? I loved Kirk. But all I could do was just stand there? And now he was ripped to shreds, and it was all my fault. I'd hurt one of the things I loved most in life. Just great, here come the dry heaves.
TBC
© 2002 Triple X
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