|
ARIES
(Mar. 21- April 20)
Beware the ides of March. Even though it's November, it's never too early to be safe…fucking Romans.
TAURUS
(Apr. 21- may 21)
Aww yeah, sometimes you just need to find that special someone on line, chat it up, then blow your load on your keyboard, thus ruining it.
GEMINI
(May 22-June 21)
You're going to eat a fish sandwich. You'll enjoy it. That is, you'll enjoy it until you find out that it wasn't a fish sandwich at all, but a tiger penis on rye bread. You still thought it was tangy though.
CANCER
(June 22-July 22)
You'll die of cancer. Isn't that ironic? Put that in your pipe and smoke it Alanis!
LEO
(July 23-Aug 22)
Thursday 8:00 PM Gillian's Island, rerun: Gilligan falls out of a tree, eats a coconut, ruins an ingenious plot to get off the island then fucks the movie star and makes friends with all the people on the island. Rated: **1/2 stars.
VIRGO
(Aug. 23 -Sept. 23)
Can't you see…bum, bum, bum…I'm a bumble-bee…bum, bum, bum…bumble-bee.
LIBRA
(Sept. 24 -Oct. 23)
Get in touch with your inner African self and steal a car stereo. Or, get in touch with your white self, and suppress a whole group of people.
SCORPIO
(Oct. 24 - Nov. 22)
Saturday night's all right for fighting, Saturday nights all right, all right, ALL RIGHT!
SAGITTARIUS
(Nov. 23 -Dec. 21)
You enjoy the sport of curling on the weekends. You are beaten to death by a curling stone as a result.
CAPRICORN
(Dec 22.- Jan. 20)
You masturbated to the possibilities of "Hollywood" Jamie and "Chicken man" George of Big Brother fame fucking. You should be ashamed of yourself…pervert.
AQUARIUS
(Jan. 21 -Feb. 19)
Don't fuck my girlfriend dude, or I'll kill you.
PISCES
(Feb. 20-Mar. 20)
CBS, ABC, NBC, FOX, WB and UPN all have one thing in common: no porn action.
|
|
