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I tell you I've tried it all. Every trick a girl knows, yet I simply can not get laid. I know you guys are out there lookin' for some sweetness, well look no further than Lizzy.
I've got all kinds of perfumes. I tried Chanel No. 5 for that classy, feminine scent. I have Tommy Girl for the younger men. I know you all love that. I even have that Bath & Body stuff that makes me smell like fruit. Now I know you like to eat fruit, so why won't you eat me?
I go to the single's bars but they just aren't for me. The only guys who seem to come up to me are raving drunk and usually say stuff like, "I want to have sex with a mutated pig, but I guess you'll do". Obviously these guys are drunk off their gourd and I won't have anything to do with them. They just don't know how to treat an elegant and refined lady such as myself.
Personal ads work to a point. I get some calls when I run them, but when we meet, the guys all seem bashful and I never see them more than once. The same thing goes for AOL chats. I meet the nicest people but as soon as I get to know them more and show them my "pic" (sorry fellas, Liz2Cute4U doesn't give her pic to just anyone), then they seem to clam up and don't talk very much anymore. I must intimidate them.
But don't be afraid of my looks guys! I'm human just like you. I don't consider it to be "slumming it" just to get a little action. I got moths growing in my girl parts if ya know what I mean. I need a little action over here!
Don't think I'm a whore either. I don't take money. I'll do anything you want for free. PLEASE, SOMEONE FUCK ME!!!
Sorry, had to get that out...I feel better now. Well, if you are lookin' for some pleasure, I won't disappoint (wink, wink). Come my way and you won't ever be the same...
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