Organize the action within a scene (or two or three).
Think of your story being shot in a film. The director would have to choose a setting, and then decide what action takes place there. Do the same. Describe the scene briefly or in detail, but do it. When the action is finished, end the scene. The example below shows the difference between a rambling telling of facts and a scene.
Action Set in a Scene
XXX"Who's that on the phone?" XXX"It's your social studies teacher again," my mom answered. "She still wants to know about those Lab-shepherd puppies." XXXI forgot about the homework in front of me on the kitchen table and picked up the picture Mrs. Clark had sent to my mom. There was the one I wanted: pure black with one little white toe. XXX"What do you think about them, mom?" XXX"I think you'll have to talk to your dad." XXXI picked up the pencil and returned to the math again. I knew what my dad would say - two dogs are enough.
Facts of the Action Merely Listed
XXXIt all started when my social studies teacher's dog had puppies. Her dog was a black Labrador, and the dad was a dog that lived down the street. This dog is a German shepherd. Mrs. Clark kept on sending pictures to my mom of these three dogs. There were two boys and one girl. The one dog that I wanted was pure black with one little white toe. My mom kept saying I would have to talk to my dad. I went home and talked to my dad at first he said no, two dogs is enough, but later on that night he gave in and said, "Yes!"
Facts of the Action Merely Listed
One day at a school a new kid came there and everybody liked him at first. Then he got on the basketball team and went to an away game and wrote a girl a note. Then at school people were making fun of him for writing the note.
Action Set in a Scene
XXXThomas sat on the bleachers hiding the note he had just written in the cup of his hand. The gym swarmed with high school kids, but Thomas hardly saw them. Instead, he focused on the words before him, the words that could perhaps describe what he was feeling. XXX"Hey what's that?" XXXThe voice jarred him out of his concentration. Thomas slowly turned to see who was talking, but as he turned the other kid snatched the note out of his hand. Thomas quickly stood, grabbing, but it was too late. XXX"Hey!" the kid yelled. "Look what the new kid was writing!"
