The Bad Babes of Sci Fi & the Horror Ho
By Mike Marino

I don't know if they were sexy or not..it's all up to individual taste but sex appeal is all in the libido of the holder. Sci fi cinema and horror celluloid have given us more the carnivorous wolfmen and clunking hulks raised from the dead and male vampires with a taste for blood. Femme Fatales, with monster and mechanical geneology have been slithering on the silver screen since Fritz Lang unleashed the False Maria on movie audiences in Metropolis. She was not only a buxom mecha-babe but was also the forerunner of CP3O in Star Wars. Banging her probably was similar to having sex with a Jamaican steel drum with out breasts.

The Horror Ho of all time has to be Elsa Lancaster as "The Bride of Frankenstein" her hair rocked and hasn't been dupicated yet with two exceptions, Brian Setzer and Dolly Parton. I imagine with her fast jerky head motions a blow job would be out of the question or you would need some serious repair instead.

Later there was the Wasp Woman who injected herself with serum as a sort of chemically injected Fountain of Youth with a mixture concocted with wasp juice, whatever the hell that is. Soon she turns into a woman with a wasps head and kills her hapless male victims. That is one blind date you'd want to take along a can of Raid! bug bomb once she got buzzing in a sexual frenzy in the back seat of your hot rod hive!

There were female vampires of course, Children of the Night who loved a good long wooden stake along with a good long wooden dildo to go with their male concubines. One wolf of note to mention was Michelle Pfiefer in "Wolf" I don't care if she were a zombie she could just lay there as still as the dead, and she be the most exciting thing in bed in the history of man or womankind.

Vampira had a body and half, just as Elvira had and that would have been one blood sucking blood bath of girl on girl, or vamp on camp girl action to hit the big horror hit parade of the carnal Top Ten. There were of course puppets with sex appeal if the Bride of Chucky with stitches and torn flesh appeals to you and the ever popular Talking Twilight Zone Tina who would rather kill you than fuck you, or at least fuck you and then kill you.

There were the Amazon women from the moon, Devil Girls from Mars, and Mutant Motorcyle Mommas from Outer Space and even Killer Klowns and Klownettes, one female mummy that I know of, and assorted nympho's from the planet Necrophilia. Not quite dead, but the Voodoo Queens of Old New Orleans had a certain charm along with sexual spells and passion inducing potions that promote promiscuity and palate pleasing libidinous feasting to treat the hot, humid senses of sultry sex of the deep penetrating south.

Night of the Living Dead offered up a very much alive Barbara with nice legs that all the boys in the cemetary band wanted to bang as dud her own brother Jonathon, so you had a mix of dead gang bang and your basic zombie love of lust and longing..so if you hear "They're coming to get you Barbara" and your name is not Barbara..run anyway. Getting screwed by a zombie with permanent rigarmortis would be the attack of the perpetual hardon and a rigid mortis!!!

In "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" people were podded so to speak and ended up lifeless, emotionless, and sexless so they weren't much of a threat however the film could have taken a delightful detour if it were titled, "The Invasion of the Body Snatch" That alone speaks volumes and overnight...Pod People would be sexy once again...or at last..or at least. The pods themselves were disposable like a used rubber so the pods could be prophylactic in nature and like Woody Allens Sex Orb could have been a weird vaginal driven vehicle for genital gratification and vagina victory!!!

Toss away the inflatable dolls and look to the skies....the constellations of consternation...there is Genital Gemini and Vagianal Virgo...so what's your sign? It doesn't matter...Barbara is coming to get YOU!!