Forever More
Part 3 - . . . And The Greatest Is Love
Chapter Thirty Five
Scott spent the next week and a half at Jon’s and Paula’s. Rebecca felt a small amount of comfort in knowing that he was there with them. She reasoned that soon he would realize what he had done and come back home. But as the days grew on and Paula had no encouraging words her he hopes dwindled.
Scott had called the house a few times to talk to Sarah and Treage. He always made sure that it was late afternoon after Ethan had left for work. Rebecca had not been answering the phone lately. She didn’t want to talk to anyone and could not even bear to hear his voice when he called to talk to the children and not her.
Questioning Sarah or Treage after the first few calls she realized that not only had he not even asked about her he had changed the subject when Sarah had once told him that her mother had been ill.
It became more obvious as every day passed that any concern for her had disappeared. His only contact at all had been with his two younger children. Ethan had since informed her of his last outburst at his father when he had hung up on him. Kyle had not heard from him at all. Rebecca did not even know the man with whom she had lived and loved for nearly the past eleven years.
On one particular night when he had called to talk to Sarah Rebecca remained in the kitchen. Usually she would leave so that she would not have to listen to what her daughter had to say and try to guess at what Scott was saying to her, but as she was in the middle of making supper, she continued.
She caught bits and pieces of a conversation that seemed to suggest that Scott had secured for himself an apartment in Los Angeles. As the knowledge worked through her whole being she new that any hope that she had clung to that he would come home to them was gone. He had taken the next step. No more under the watchful eye of Jon and Paula he was now out on his own to start a new life that did not include her at all.
As she stood at the counter the haze that she had been drifting in suddenly cleared as she became aware that Sarah was trying to get her attention.
"Mom, what do you think? Would it be all right?"
Rebecca turned around puzzled. She had been lost in her own thoughts.
"Mom, dad says that now that he has his own place Treage and I can come out and stay with him." It was of a question the way her voice trailed up at the end.
A flash of anger and defense overtook Rebecca as it had suddenly become aware to her for the first time that Scott might actually try to take her children away from her. Up until that point she had lived day to day just hoping to make it through till the time he would come back home. Now not only had she learned that he had made permanent living arrangements some three thousand miles from them a worse nightmare became very clear.
Grabbing the phone out of Sarah’s hand she made the first contact that she had with her husband in over two weeks. Her hands were shaking, her body trembling but her voice screamed forcefully into the phone.
"What do you mean they can come and stay with you?" She held back the urge to cry.
"Just what I said," he shot back at her insulting tone.
"You think that you can take my children away from me?" The tears were starting to roll down her cheeks now. "I won’t let you!" she yelled.
"I never said I was taking them away from you. Jesus! Is that what you think I meant?" He tried to reassure her. He certainly wasn’t going to take his children away from their home and school. Despite what ever problems that he and Rebecca had he knew that she was the mother of his children and that he would never want them under anyone else’s care. She was the best thing for them, but for the first time somewhere in the back of his mind came the realization that might be an option.
Still he went on, "No, what I meant was that they can come out and spend the weekend or longer out here."
Relieved but still angry Rebecca continued, "No they can’t. They have school."
"What do you mean, no? I said on the weekend."
"I am not going to put my little children on a plane to fly all the way across the country to see you. You want to see them you can come here."
"This is just plain asinine! Of course they can get on a plane."
Rebecca did not want to continue this conversation any longer and was fearing that she was not going to win if she persisted. Part of her wanted her children to see their father. Sarah missed him so even though Rebecca knew that she blamed herself for his leaving. Her daddy had walked out on her and no matter how much Rebecca had tried to explain to her that is was not her fault she could not get her to understand. Right now maybe the best thing would be for her to see him.
Treage, who had not grasped the impact of this at the beginning had kept asking when his daddy would be coming home. Even after more than two weeks he still thought is father’s absence not that out of the ordinary. Every time Scott had talked to him he was asked the same question as to his returning home.
Rebecca gave the phone back to Sarah and went outside. The air was cold and she wished that she had grabbed a jacket but she just needed to get away, to walk a bit and try to make some sense of this all.
The last weekend in February Rebecca saw her two youngest children off at the airport in Lansing to visit their father at his new home in California. It was almost surreal as she entered her dark quiet home after the lonely drive home. Kyle was at college and Ethan was working. For the first time she was totally alone.
Jon had stayed close to his friend in the first few weeks that he was in California, but now that Scott had moved down to L.A. it was harder to keep tabs on him and for some reason that was what he felt he had to do.
Before Scott got the apartment Jon and Paula both had hoped that he would go home to his wife and family where they knew that he belonged. But Scott had changed. At first Jon had thought that the whole problem was that he and Becky had a fight and the whole thing would blow over. Jon never mentioned anything that he knew from what Paula had told him about the fight. It was only after one night of sitting up and drinking at the kitchen table that Scott ventured any type of explanation at all.
"Did you ever hit Paula?" Scott asked his friend as he removed the bottle from his lips and placed it carefully on the table in front of him.
Jon caught the remorse in Scott’s voice. "Yeah," he solemnly had to admit.
Scott drew in a deep breath.
Jon added, "Its not something that I’m proud of."
"I hurt her, you know? Sarah told me. She fell and I guess she was even bleeding. She must really hate me."
Jon didn’t know what to say. They had never talked about anything so personal before. He got up from the table and got them each another beer.
Jon also came to realize that Scott’s problem was bigger than his relationship with Becky. As he sat Scott told him how he had called Rick to tell him that he had quit the band. Suddenly he knew that Scott had gone over the edge.
This was his life. They had an upcoming CD and tour. The mere fact that Scott had decided to quit meant not only emotional damage but surly financial ruin as well. He knew that they had signed contracts. You just can’t walk out in the middle of everything.
Rebecca had assured Jon that with this upcoming third surgery and Scott’s rehabilitation he would be well on his way to regaining nearly all if not all of the movement in his hand, but as Jon sat and listened it was quit clear that Scott had given up on everyone including himself. Within days Jon had contacted Rick and David. Scott had indeed left them hanging. They all knew that he was going through some bad times and try as they would to hold off they did not know how long they could cover for him before legally things got rough.
They needed Scott and they knew it, not only for the band but he was their friend. Jon would do everything that he could to try to get Scott back on track. Rick would do his best to cover and keep things afloat if that meant playing all Scott’s tracks for the CD himself. If they could just get his vocals down between now and the July deadline they could still pull off the release of the CD.
Even while Rick and the guys tried to keep everything moving along with the hopes that matters would improve Scott was almost certain that he was finished with their collaboration. He had been in contact with his lawyer. It was in that vein that he was making some very hard decisions. Just from a legal standpoint he had to protect his personal property from repercussions.
At this time he was more concerned about the future of his children than anything. He had wanted Rebecca to stay in the house with them. That was best in the long run. Even if he never moved back home at least his children would be well provided for and he knew that no matter how she felt about him their welfare was always first and foremost in her mind also.
He had to protect their interests. Acting on the advise from his lawyer he realized that filing for a legal separation was his only recourse in the face of the inevitable, being sued by the Paradox organization and also the record label for breach of contract. There was an awful lot of money that they stood to loose from his departure from the band if they did not make the CD or the tour. Somehow he would be able to regroup but he wasn’t willing to take the chance of losing their home.
When he called Sarah one evening he asked to speak to her mother. Hesitantly Rebecca had taken the phone. He told her that some papers would be forthcoming for her to sign. Rich had decided that it was best for all of them. The words legal separation hit her like a brick. What was he saying? Was this the end?
Scott tried to explain the legal aspects of it all but she would not permit herself to listen. All she heard was that he was taking one more step along the way to divorce. He was so far away. She could not even talk to him face to face. She needed to see his face. Maybe if he saw hers. Yet as he spoke so matter-of-factly of legal reasons her senses somehow deadened.
If she was worried about the money, he had said, she needn’t be. He had made sure that all of the bills would remain being paid and whatever the needs of the children were would also be cared for. Even though he had not even spoken to Kyle she was to assure him that his college tuition would be paid.
It was all so cut and dried. Did he honestly think that money was her only concern? That was the way that he sounded as he continued to explain things to her while she sat silent on the phone. Did she have any questions? Maybe if she did she should call Rich.
A few days later the papers arrived. She signed them. For whatever reason her husband wanted her out of his life. She would be a fool to try to prolong his escape. She knew that eventually somewhere down the line, maybe after the children were grown, he would stop providing for her. Right now he saw her only as a caregiver to his offspring. That was all she was to him and the sooner that she came to grips with that the sooner she might be able to get on with her life.
Rebecca sat at the kitchen table, coffee cup held tightly in her grasp, as the rented car pulled up the drive. She was alone in the house that afternoon. She heard two car doors shut and Jon’s familiar voice as he greeted the dog. She never heard Scott but she knew he was there.
He had called her a few days earlier to tell her that he and Jon would be flying out at which time he would pack up a few more things for his apartment. She had not laid eyes on him since that day in the bedroom when she screamed at him to leave. She had dreaded this encounter so much.
The back door opened from the garage and she saw Jon as he walked into the kitchen. He was alone. She stood up and saying nothing he came over and she fell into his arms. After a moments silence she broke away and tried to dry her tears.
Jon spoke first. "Becky, you know I love you. Paula and I both do. But Scott is my friend and I have to stick by him."
Rebecca nodded.
Jon continued, "I don’t know why he’s doing this. Maybe if I knew I could help but I don’t. All I can do is be there for him, and you."
Rebecca took a little comfort in his words.
Scott had gone out to the studio right from the car. Jon was surprised that he made no attempt to go in to see is wife.
After talking to Rebecca a little longer Jon went out to the studio to help Scott pack up some things that he had wanted from there.
Scott had purposely made this visit in late afternoon so that he could spend a little time with his children before their return flight to L.A. the following morning. He used the phone and called up to the house to tell Rebecca that he would pick up the children from school. He never even said hello, just his apathetic voice on the line as he told her his plans.
Once back home Sarah and Treage joined him and Jon out in the studio. Soon Sarah came in the back door and told her mother that her daddy and Jon were going to take them out for pizza. She was invited if she wanted to go. Rebecca knew that the offer had not been Scott’s idea. If anything he was just being polite to Jon’s thought to include her. She declined. Let the children have their time with him. I don’t want to spoil anything for them. They get to see him so rarely. She had almost convinced herself.
When the four of them returned home Rebecca was sitting in the living room staring blankly at the screen. They all came in and Treage ran and climbed up on the sofa near his mother to tell her about where they had gone.
Scott stepped into the living room. Rebecca looked up to see him. He looked so different, thinner than when he left a little over a month earlier. His face seemed lined and there was no hint of expression. His hair was longer and she could see that the area that had been shaved for his stitches was now longer and starting to blend in with the longer hair around it.
She made no effort to move from the sofa. Scott spoke quietly as he told her that he was going to go up into their room and get a few more of his things. Rebecca continued to sit as Jon joined her in an opposite chair. The conversation was kept to anything that Treage was trying to tell his mother.
Sarah had followed her father upstairs. Even though she hated that he was doing this she was, even at nearly eleven years old, mature enough to know that there was no way that she could ask him to stay. A few tears slid down her cheek as she brought him some pictures that she wanted him to take with him. Several were school pictures of her but one was a larger family photo that was taken only the previous fall after he returned home from the last tour.
Rebecca had been after him to have one taken and he had promised that when the tour was over he would make that a priority. He remembered the day vividly as Becky tried to get all of them clean and dressed up and out the door at the same time. She was not having a good time with Treage who was fighting her all the way and Sarah herself had put on about three different outfits before deciding on the blue dress that she was wearing in the picture. Scott even remembered fastening the necklace that lay around Rebecca’s neck.
They were all there, all six of them. Ethan and Kyle standing, he and Becky sitting in front, Sarah standing next to him with her hand resting on his shoulder and Treage perched precariously upon his right knee. Three brown heads, three blonde. They were a family. His, or they were once. Now his daughter wanted him to take the photo with him. Scott shoved it in the suitcase.
When he had finished packing he carried the two suitcases back into the kitchen. Returning to the living room he told Jon that he was going to spend the night in the studio but it was up to him where he wanted to sleep. He was sure Rebecca wouldn’t mind if he took one of the downstairs bedrooms. Then turning to her he told her that when it was time to take Sarah and Treage to school in the morning he would.
Then without so much as a good-night or good-bye he left out the back door, suitcases in hand.
Jon sat a while longer and then decided that he would join Scott in the studio.
Ethan did not come home that night. He had decided to avoid his father’s visit altogether. Rebecca had wished that he wouldn’t do that. It hurt her a great deal that both boys and Scott had become estranged, but they were older and they understood more. They weren’t as forgiving as the younger children. They had seen what had happened over the last few years. They had also since learned the truth about everything as their mother, in her need to talk, had unintentionally let a few things slip.
She really did not want them to know about the women. That had even become an embarrassment to her causing her self esteem to slip slowly away. It was hard enough dealing with the fact that their father had been a hypocrite as far as the drugs were concerned, preach one thing and do another, but when they got wind of his indiscretions along the other line that had only managed to build a higher wall between them. After all SHE was their mother, even after all those years and all that he had done for them and how he had loved them he was not their real father. Legal or not, he was not blood.
This hurt Rebecca terribly and she knew it was her own fault for trying to make them understand why she herself had acted the way in which she did. In her attempt to plead her case she had only managed to push them further apart.
The next morning when Sarah and Treage finished getting ready for school Rebecca sent them out to the studio because Scott had not come inside.
It was nearly an hour from the time that he returned until Jon came in the back door. Rebecca offered him coffee. He refused. He had three cups already out in the studio. Rebecca stood and started to clear the breakfast dishes.
Jon spoke honestly, "Becky, go out and talk to him."
She didn’t look up from the counter.
"He’s not gonna come in here." Jon added.
"And that surprises you?" Rebecca looked up into his face. "What good will it do?"
"Maybe none, but I can’t let him leave without talking to you."
As Rebecca walked across the yard to the studio she wondered if Scott was watching her. She also knew that he had not the least bit desire to see her. She was doing this for Jon now.
She found Scott standing at the sink in the small kitchen of the apartment. He was washing out the coffee pot. Almost startled that it was her and not Jon he went back to his task and told her that she didn’t have to worry, "I’ll clean everything up before we leave."
She sat down in a chair inside the studio near the door. After he had finished he came in the room where she was.
"I’ll take what I can with me but everything else is packed up and I’ve made arrangements for it to be picked up and sent out. UPS should be here in the next few days to get all of this. You just have to let them in."
Still no emotion in his tone. Rebecca kept searching for something.
Finally she spoke. "I signed those papers."
"Yeah, I know. Rich called me and told me that you had."
"Why Scott?" once again she tried to hold back the tears that she had so promised herself she would not shed.
"Its just better this way." Still no sign of remorse.
"For who?"
"For the kids," then he added "For you."
"And for you?
For the first time he dared look into her face. He didn’t answer.
Getting up Rebecca knew that it was of no use to put herself through any more. He had hurt her enough already. She was very well aware that for whatever reason a legal separation was just that, a separation, complete with visitation rights, financial disbursements and all the legalese that defines the end of a relationship.
She walked through the door silently. This time when her husband left he did so quietly and with premeditation.
