Forever More
Part 2 - Faith
Chapter Twenty Nine
Somehow Scott got through those last two concerts. They were the worst performances of his life and he knew it, but he tried desperately to be the professional that he knew he was or at least had once been, taking the stage and putting everything else out of his mind.
After the shows he was rushed back to the hotel and everyone was trying to shield him from the onslaught of the press. The band was having a hard enough time dealing with all of this and the entire Paradox organization was very vulnerable.
Jon had stayed with his friend through it all. After the final show Scott voiced his wishes to move to another hotel and sit everything out for a few days. He did not want to go home yet. Jon was not sure that was for the best but he would stick by his friend for the next few days. He was also aware that Scott was now suffering physically from his need for the cocaine. Maybe this was the best thing for him.
Rebecca had expected Scott’s return after the last show, not that she had wanted to see him and she wasn’t even sure if she wanted him there. But when Paula told her that both men were not coming home her heart sank again and she buried herself deeper in depression. She knew that their marriage was over now. It was only a matter of time before he asked her and the children to leave. Her mind was doing awful things as she pictured herself moving out and back on her own again with her two little ones.
Jon and Scott remained in Wisconsin in a hotel room until the time for his court appearance back in Ohio. Rich had made him aware of the very possibility that he was looking at jail time for the resisting arrest charge.
But somehow Rich was able to get the judge to understand that he was only concerned about his wife’s welfare and that had caused him to act the way he did. Rich had gotten Scott out of everything with only a hefty fine, court costs and lawyers fees and community service. Scott was a very lucky man and Rich let him know it.
It was time to go home.
Scott knew that Rebecca could never forgive him for what he had done. He didn’t expect her too. What he did expect was that she would ask him to leave and that she would be seeking a divorce.
Jon talked him into going home. He knew that no words had been spoken at all between them since the night of Scott’s arrest. They had to talk, from there it was up to them.
Over the course of the next few days Rebecca remained in her room and Scott kept to the basement. Rebecca was hurt and confused and just waiting for him to ask her to go. She had seen for herself that he no longer wanted her and wondered if that woman in the hotel room was his reason for not wanting to be with her the last few months.
Scott was waiting too. He was waiting for Rebecca to walk out and never come back. He did not blame her at all. Both were suffering the same feelings but could not bring themselves to set eyes on each other.
Finally the day came when Jon and Paula had to go back home. Their children had been with Paula’s parents for a little over two weeks. They had to get home and back to their lives.
Rebecca had been venturing out of the bedroom more each day. She knew that Scott was staying out of her way and in the basement. She took that as a sign that he could not stand the sight of her.
Kyle was tolerating at best his father’s presence as he tried to help him with Sarah and Treage. The responsibility had somehow fallen to him. His mother had withdrawn into a state of deep depression and had not so much as wanted to see her children. Scott was physically suffering from withdrawal of the abuse that he had given his body. The whole ordeal was taking its toll on everyone.
One afternoon as Rebecca lay in the imposed darkness of her bedroom Scott came in to see her. It had been over three weeks since that night at the hotel. His heart broke as he realized how pale and thin she looked. He had caused her so much pain and the words that he spoke tried to convey that as he asked for her forgiveness.
It was during this meeting and emotional exchange that they both became aware that the other expected the worst. When Rebecca told him that she feared he would ask her to leave he felt the deep sorrow that had pierced her heart. He too had feared that his days there were numbered but in the mere fact that he had come home and remained told Rebecca that he did not want to go.
They had a very long way to go. When Scott did leave the bedroom after their first meeting they were not even sure if they would be able to work out everything that had somehow gone terribly wrong between them, but they were still together. Now only time and a long healing process could even attempt to erase the damage that had been done.
In the weeks that followed Rebecca tried to understand everything that her husband had been going through that summer. The problems that they had been experiencing since the loss of the baby somehow seemed compounded with the death of Scott’s friend. She began to see that he had never accepted either death. In her own grief she had failed to see or have compassion for that and what he must have been going through. She chose to suffer alone and had forced him to do the same.
As hard as it was for her to admit, the women were not the problem, only a symptom. The drug abuse had caused everything. She knew in her heart that if had he not turned to drugs for comfort and escape he would never have done anything that he had. It was definitely the drugs that were to blame for everything.
It was also the drugs that had created the wedge between Scott and his two older sons. All those years he had let them know of the dangers that connected itself with them. They knew that he had first hand knowledge but that was all in the past.
Yes, he had used. He had never tried to hide that fact, but it was a part of his life that he had put behind him and he was a much better person since. He didn’t even do pot anymore. He was faced with raising two teenage boys now and all of this had taken on a new light. He just didn’t want them to make the kind of mistakes that he had.
And they hadn’t. Sure they drank and did all the kinds of things that teenage boys do, but they didn’t experiment with drugs. They didn’t even smoke. Not that they hadn’t tried. They just didn’t want to. Scott still did that on occasion.
Right now what both boys and even Rebecca were seeing Scott as was a hypocrite. He had some nerve expecting, even demanding that his sons avoid drugs at all cost when he himself willingly immersed himself in them. They had lost all respect for their father. That was one of the hardest blows for Scott. Even if somehow Rebecca could find it in her heart to forgive him he knew that he had lost something very precious that he would never be able to regain.
The weeks had given way to months and Rebecca and Scott found themselves co-existing on a superficial level. They went about their daily routines and made all the necessary appearances in public together at church and school and sports functions. Even as the holiday season approached and they found themselves thrown into more social activities they put up this united front.
But in reality they had been living two nearly separate lives. Scott, though he had not moved out to the apartment in the studio, had continued to sleep in the basement taking the sofa and leaving the bedrooms to his sons. He had not even felt the brush of his wife’s hand in many months.
Scott and Rebecca were not fighting anymore. There was nothing left to say. Everything that was spoken in anger stayed back at that hotel parking lot. The few times that they had actually talked now were quiet but emotional. Nearly every night saddened, Rebecca would lie awake alone longing for Scott to come in to her and hold her. She was losing her husband and she needed to lean on the love and support of her best friend in life to get her through. Scott was both.
Shortly before Christmas Rebecca lie awake again in the darkness of her room. Treage had found his way upstairs and into her bed several hours earlier. She rolled him over as she quietly slipped out of bed. By the light of the moon as it spilled a soft glow about the room she made her way down along the steps to the lower level family room.
Scott woke from his sleep on the sofa as he felt a presence before him. Rebecca stood looking down at her husband as he began to focus on her. He pulled his body up against the cushions behind him. The moonlight filtered through the blinds illuminating her face and he could see her eyes as she searched his for any sign of love.
By only the low utterance of her name he was able to convey to her all that was in his heart.
Rebecca sat down gently beside him and reached up to smooth his hair from his cheek. Then sliding her fingertips along his arm she felt his warm skin and the muscles tighten at her touch. Raising his arms he pulled her down unto his chest and wrapped them firmly about her.
Rebecca felt the beat of his heart as she lay against his chest. She let him hold her like that forever before turning her head to lay soft little kisses onto his flesh.
The feel of his wife in his arms and her breath upon him brought such a feeling of love as he pulled her closer into him. He was content just to lie there and hold her but when at last she brought her lips to meet his and he tasted for the first time in months her sumptuous mouth he could no longer stop himself from wanting to caress every inch of her. Her touch as she softly ran her fingertips over his chest told him that it was permitted.
The familiar feel of her body as he explored her with his hands and his lips brought back so many passionate desires. She wanted him to make love to her. When finally he felt her body beneath his and looked deep into her eyes there was nothing sexual about the deep feelings that he had for her. This was purely and act of the greatest love that he had ever experienced in his life. Joining their bodies together he filled her with the greatest expression of that love.
