Missa>>I'm getting my license tomorrow!
Me>>I'll laugh when you fail your test.
Jamie>>Can you just see Andrea as your La Maz
partner? "I'll laugh when you burst!"
[hey, no one said i had to be encouraging!]
Staci>>I found the meaning of my life...but then
I forgot it.
[wow...it must be pretty damn meaningful then,
huh Staci?]
*Staci smacks Mike with cream cheese package*
Mike>>Ow! That cream cheese is lethal!
*Staci smacks him again*
Mike>>It's outlawed in 5 states!!!
[Wanted: package of Philadelphia cream cheese,
spread or alive]
*ed. note* I apologize greatly for the reply to the preceeding quote. It was extremely and unnecessarily (cream) cheesy. But hey, what else would you expect?
*ed. note* I apologize greatly for the preceeding ed. note pertaining to the reply to the preceeding quote. It was just silly.
*ed. note* I apologize greatly for the completely obvious similarity of this email's "ed. note" format and the great, classic comedy "Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail". It will not happen again. And now for something completely different...
Me>>What are rhombi?
Chelsea>> *excitedly, like she's just discovered
something* That's the plural of rhombuses!!!
[thank you Chels. the world was just making too
much sense until you said that]
And now...introducing to you...for the first time ever in the entire world...the FERRIS WHEEL OF LOVE!
Staci>>Did you know that Ferris Wheels can have
turbulence?
Mo>> *sly grin* NATURAL turbulence?
Me>>You could say that!
Mo>>Eeew! Yeah! Imagine..."Oh, there's no one in
*this* one!" *door opening motion* "OH MY GOD!!!"
*slams door* "Take it up! Get it moving! Quickly
now..."
Staci>>Yeah..."Excuse me, but my seat's wet."
Me and Mo>>Eeeeew! Staci!!!
[hm...kudos to Mo for finding a new "location".
did anyone else catch that she followed "eeew!"
with "yeah!"??? Sorry I just noticed that...]
Lori>>But I love you...doesn't that ENTITLE me to
use you?
[sure dear...]
Me>>You can't do naughty things on a Sunday.
Rachel>>I have.
Me>>Whatever happened to "keep holy the Sabbath"?
Matt>>Does it count if you're screaming God's
name?
Mo>>I want to burn the edges of my Spanish
project, but I'm afraid it'll go up in flames.
And then I'll be in shock, and then I might throw
things, and then I'll have to ship myself off to
a mental institution. I mean, come on, how can I
go to school after something like that?
[there there mo...i'm sure they have therapy for
mentally scarred pyros like yourself]
Sana>>I'm going on a blind date.
Me and Mo>> *excited* With who?!?!
[okay, no excuses here...we're just stupid!]
Me>>Bridget and I realized the intellectual gap
between us. Where she uses words like
"reprehensible", I use the word "stupid".
Lori>>Does "reprehensible" mean "stupid"?
Me>>I don't know!
[the complete phrases were "reprehensible and
morally unjust" and "evil, stupid, and
hypocritical". Can you tell which one was
mine???]
Grandma>>There was a little pessimist boy in one
room and a little optimist boy in another room.
The little pessimist boy was surrounded by a huge
pile of toys, yet he complained over and over
that he was so bored. But the little optimist boy
was surrounded by a huge pile of horseshit, and
he was jumping and rolling in it and flinging it
around, screaming, "Oh goody goody...I just KNOW
there's a pony in here somewhere!"
[And it just goes to show you: being an optimist
gets you through a lot of shit!]
Mom>>She writes down the stupid things I say.
Me>>Oh come on now Mom...I write down the stupid
things EVERYONE says!!!
[and there you have it...the explanation behind
this whole thing!]
Staci>>In Veggie Tales, they could have these
grapes that- oh wait, no, it's only vegetables.
Well why don't they have fruity tales? *look of
sudden realization* Oh, THAT'S why!
[FYI: Veggie Tales is this cute lil cartoon with
talking vegetables that teaches lil kids moral
lessons.]
Mike>>I told Father to give me a penance and he's
like, "Well how about you give me one for you?
You know, something that's hard for you to do."
So I said, "Tell me to stand on my head." And
he's like, "How about something spiritual?" So I
said, "Okay, how about reading the Bible...while
standing on my head?"
[good old Mike...i love that guy!]
Me>>Staci, how was your weekend?
Staci>>Good...I spend yesterday with two guys I
met three months ago.
Me>>Really? What are their names?
Staci>>Ben and Jerry.
[that would make a cute commercial, don't ya
think?]
(by the way, don't ask how we got to talking
about this!)
Me>>Girls fake orgasms all the time.
Mo>>Yeah cause they just want the guy to stop
trying.
Bridget>>But I don't get it.
Me>>Why not?
Bridget>>Why can't you just say "Stop! You're
bad!"???
