After 25 years of practice, Steve DePiro learns to be happy – in spite of himself.

My wife, Susan, and I were introduced to Nichiren Daishonin’s Buddhism more than 25 years ago. Susan joined right away – she was and is very sincere – and chanted all the time. 

I was a mess, working all the time, taking drugs and being miserable. I had zero self-confidence and spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself.

Though I often mocked my wife for practicing Buddhism, I watched her grow, getting everything she was chanting for. I stayed the same. Susan was also attending a lot of meetings, and at one point I got fed up and gave her an ultimatum: She would have to choose between her practice and me. And if it were not me, I would leave. She said: “ See you later. I’m doing this forever. This, I did not expect.

My wife was moving on with life, while I was standing sill. I needed to chant, but my ego would not let me state the obvious. I began to chant after she went to work, too proud to let her know she had won. Yet once I began to practice, I could see things changing for the better. 

A short while later, I got a job selling cars. Over the next 24 years, I had almost every position you can have in an auto dealership – from salesman to sales manager to general manager to dealer and back to salesman. 

Throughout this period, I was sometimes hit with waves of depression and even self-hatred. I believe that since we all have a Buddha nature, self-hatred is a very serious problem. In a sense, when you hate yourself, you give your Buddha nature a black eye. I was giving myself a black eye for so long, I did not even know I was doing it. 

Only by practicing and working with members in the SGI have I been able to face and deal with it. Learning to like who I am and believe that I deserve to be happy is something I had to wrestle every day.

And although I received tons of benefits, I was a chronic whiner. I did not realize what fortune I had, nor did I realize how my self-slander was blocking me from receiving more fortune. 

Around two and half years ago, things got ugly. I could not see the positive in anything. I hated my job and wasn’t crazy about my life either. I was miserable, A total burnout – in serious financial trouble and spiritually bankrupt - I wanted to die. I fantasized about buying a motor home and just disappearing, but I knew my wife might find me, and I could not bear the idea of how my kids would feel about their dad.

Fortunately, through my Buddhist study and years of practice, I knew I could never ingest enough drugs or travel far enough to escape myself. I continued to chant, but only half-heartedly. I wanted and needed to change, but it seemed I could not. I did not like who I had become and it was hard to face other members.

During this time, various SGI leaders visited our area, and I was able to receive a lot of guidance. It was suggested that I study SGI President Ikeda’s book “Unlocking the Mysteries of Birth and Death”. U was asked to study very carefully; as if my life depended on it. I began to look at Buddhism differently. I slowly started to wake up.

First, I changed my schedule at work so I could chant an hour in the morning before Gongyo. I studied President Ikeda’s writings like never before. I did my best to encourage my members, including visiting them at their homes. 

I visited one member that lives on top of a mountain in a bread truck. It is hard to get to his place – there is barely a road – and when he saw me, he said, “Steve, you must really be screwed up to come all this way to visit me! I laughed and said, “You have no idea.”

As we chanted together, I began to feel the clouds break up and a little joy seep in. We talked a while, I thanked him for being there for me to visit, and I started on my way home. As I drove home, I felt so good, like there was hope. I remembered how great it is to be a Bodhisattva of the Earth and encourage other members. 

I soon returned to – and finished – a project I had begun years ago: I wrote a book for car salesmen. I found the perfect editor and got it published. I quit my job and, with no money, started my own business, 1 on 1 Sales Coaching.com.

I now put on workshops and provide newsletters for salespeople and coaching videos for sales meetings. It has been two and a half years, and the business is a success. I travel, am financially fit and love what I do. I get paid to encourage salespeople and managers to listen to others and treat them with respect. 

But the real benefit is not simply that I have a great job – I have really changed. Buddhism has helped me to grow up, leaving the doubt, the complaining, the guilt and the self loathing behind. I can now honestly say that I have become happy. I never thought it would be possible. I thought I would have to practice lifetime after lifetime before becoming happy, but here I am, happy.

So what is truly important to me now? Seeking out President Ikeda’s guidance and moving forward with my dreams. Nichiren Daishonin writes: “Suffer what there is to suffer, enjoy what there is to enjoy. Regard both suffering and joy as facts of life, and continue chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo no matter what happens” (The Writings of Nichiren Daishonin, p. 81). This is how I want to live.

I want to win in all the challenges I face, deal with the suffering, enjoy the joy and share my heart with others. With my Buddhist practice and the support of the SGI, there is no way I can lose. I cannot fail to become even happier.

Experience - Steve DePiro, East Wenatchee, Washington.

Posle dvadeset pet godina praktikovanja Stiv De Piro [Steve DePiro] uči kako da bude srećan – u inat samome sebi. 

Moja supruga Susan i ja smo saznali o budizmu Ničirena Dajšonina pre više od dvadeset pet godina. Susan je odmah postala član, bila je i ostala veoma odana i radila je Daimoku stalno.

Ja sam bio u totalnom neredu, stalno sam radio, drogirao sam se i osećao sam se jadno. Nisam uopšte imao samopouzdanje i proveo sam dosta vremena osećajući samosažaljenje.

Iako sam se često rugao mojoj ženi zbog praktikovanja budizma, posmatrao sam kako napreduje, kako dobija sve ono što je postavila sebi kao cilj. Ja sam bio isti kao pre. Susan je odlazila na mnoge mitinge i u jednoj prilici mi je bilo dosta svega i dao sam joj ultimatum. Trebala je da bira između praktikovanja i mene. U slučaju da ne izabere mene ja bih je napustio. Rekla je: “U zdravlje. Ja ću ovo uvek da radim.” Takav odgovor nisam očekivao.

Moja supruga je napredovala u životu, dok sam ja tapkao u mestu. Meni je bilo potrebno da praktikujem, ali mi moje samoljublje nije dozvoljavalo da priznam ono što je bilo očigledno. Počeo sam da recitujem kada je otišla na posao, jer mi ponos nije dozvoljavao da priznam da je ona pobedila. Pošto sam konačno počeo da praktikujem mogao sam da vidim da su se stvari menjale nabolje. 

Ubrzo sam dobio posao kao prodavac automobila. U sledeće dvadeset četiri godine radio sam na svakom položaju koji može da se dobije u trgovini kolima – od prodavca do menadžera pa do generalnog menadžera do trgovca i nazad do prodavca. 

Kroz svo ovo vreme mene su udarali talasi deprsije i mrzeo sam samoga sebe. Verujem da je to ozbiljan problem jer svi mi imamo prirodu bude. Na izvestan način, kada mrziš samoga sebe kao da svoju prirodu bude udariš pesnicom u oko. Ja sam to radio samome sebi toliko dugo a da nisam ni znao. 

Jedino uz praktikovanje i saradnju sa članovima SGI postalo mi je moguće da se suočim sa tim i radim na tome. Svakoga dana se hvatam u koštac sa lekcijom kako bih naučio da volim samoga sebe i da verujem da zaslužujem da budem srećan. 

Iako sam dobio mnogo dobrobiti od praktikovanja bio sam hronična kukavica. Nisam shvatao koliku sam sreću imao, niti sam shvatao kako vređajući samoga sebe sputavam sebe u postizanju još više sreće. 

Pre dve i po godine stvari su se pogoršale u mom životu. Nisam mogao da vidim ništa dobro ni u čemu. Mrzeo sam svoj posao i nije mi se ni živelo. Osećao sam se jadno. Totalno sam bio iscrpljen – u ozbiljnoj finansijskoj nevolji i u duhovnom bankrotstvu – želeo sam da umrem. Maštao sam o kupovini prikolice i bekstvu, ali sam znao da bi me moja supruga mogla naći, a plašila me je i sama pomisao kako bi se moja deca osećala zbog mene. 

Na svu sreću, kroz čitanje budističke literature i godine praktikovanja, znao sam da nikada ne bih mogao dovoljno droge da unesem u sebe ili da otputujem dovoljno daleko kako bih samoga sebe izbegao. Nastavio sam da recitujem ali ne celim srcem. Želeo sam i trebalo je da se promenim, ali je izgledalo da ne mogu. Nije mi se dopadalo ko sam postao i bilo mi je teško da se suočim sa drugim članovima.

U toku tog perioda mnogi lideri SGI su posetili našu oblast, pa sam tako primio dosta saveta. Predloženo mi je da pročitam knjigu predsednika Ikede “Rešavanje misterije rađanja i umiranja”. Rečeno mi je da prostudiram ovo delo veoma pažljivo kao da mi život zavisi od toga. Počeo sam da gledam na budizam na drugi način. Počeo sam polako da se budim.

Kao prvo promenio sam radno vreme na poslu, tako da bih mogao da recitujem sat vremena ujutru pre nego što uradim Gongio. Studirao sam Ikedine knjige kao nikada pre toga. Dao sam sve od sebe da ohrabrim svoje članove, a išao sam i u kućne posete. 

Posetio sam jednog člana koji živi na vrhu planine u kamionu za hleb. Teško je stići do njegovog boravišta, skoro da ne postoji put, a kada me je video rekao je: “Steve, ti sigurno imaš mnogo problema čim si došao čak ovamo da me posetiš!” Nasmejao sam se i rekao: “Ti to ne možeš ni da zamisliš”.

Kako smo zajedno recitovali počeo sam osećati kako se oblaci razmiču i kako se ukazuje pomalo sreće. Malo smo popričali, zahvalio sam mu se na društvu i krenuo nazad kući. Kako sam vozio prema kući osećao sam se veoma dobro kao da je postojala nada. Setio sam se kako je lep osećaj biti Bodisatva Zemlje i ohrabrivati članove. 

Uskoro sam se vratio i završio pisanje koje sam započeo pre više godina: napisao sam knjigu za prodavce kola. Našao sam perfektnog izdavača i objavio knjigu. Prestao sam da radim i započeo sam svoj biznis, 1 on 1 Sales Coaching.com

Sada dajem časove i pravim publikacije za prodavce kao i video vodič za mitinge o prodaji. Ovo traje dve i po godine i posao je uspešan. Putujem, finansijski sam u dobroj situaciji i volim ovo što radim. Plaćen sam da ohrabrim prodavce i menadžere da slušaju i da tretiraju ljude sa poštovanjem. 

Prava dobrobit nije u tome što imam divan posao – ja sam se zaista promenio. Budizam je zaista pomogao da se razvijem, ostavljajući sumnju, žaljenje, krivicu i gnušanje na samoga sebe u prošlosti. Sada iskreno mogu reći da sam postao srećan. Nikada nisam mislio da je to moguće. Mislio sam da ću morati da praktikujem tokom mnogih života dok ne postanem srećan, eli evo me gde sam srećan. 

Prema tome, šta mi je zaista važno sada? Važno mi je da tražim savet od predsednika Ikede i da guram napred sa svojim snovima. Ničiren Dajšonin piše: “Pati zbog onoga što te čini nesrećnim i raduj se onome što te čini srećnim. Smatraj i patnju i sreću činjenicama života i nastavi da recituješ Nam-mjoho-renge-kjo bez obzira šta da se desi.” To je ono kako ja hoću da živim. 

Želim da pobedim sva iskušenja sa kojima se suočavam, da se nosim sa patnjama, radujem sreći i da delim svoju ljubav sa drugima. Sa praktikovanjem i podrškom članova SGI ja ne mogu izgubiti u životu. Postaću još srećniji zasigurno. 

Iskustvo - Steve DePiro, East Wenatchee, Washington.