BSL-1 The Low Brass Section Leaders are exempt from any and all rules they don't feel like following with the exception of BSL-1 and all LB-class rules.
BSL-2 a. All persons of rank lower than the omnipotent deities attempting to give themselves rights shall be deported to the Practice Room for trial and punishment.
b. All persons not reporting to the practice room shall listen to Brandon Marquardt practice scales for two full hours.BSL-3 All music, both in concert season and marching season, shall be selected by the Low Brass Section Leaders.
BSL-4 The Low Brass Section Leaders have the exclusive right to determine what pep band songs to play and when.
BSL-5 A penalty of death is an option always available to the Low Brass Section Leaders.
BSL-6 ONLY the Low Brass Section Leaders may in any way modify or misinterpret these rules. All interpretations are subject to the whim of the Low Brass Section Leaders.
BSL-7 No freshman may EVER obtain the title of Low Brass Section Leader. EVER!
BSL-8 Contrary to common belief, the low brass section leaders were never freshmen. Never have been freshman, and they never will be freshmen. 9th grade year is to be called the "pre-sophomore year."
BSL-9 The Low Brass Section Leader will not be issued any field markers (chips) at the beginning or marching season. He (or she) is aware of his or her destination. The rest of the band is required to adjust to the Low Brass Section Leader.
BSL-10 In the event that the Low Brass Section Leader has a total nervous breakdown, he is legally allowed to select no more than three (3) low-class woodwind players to accompany him to his bedchamber for a night of eternal ecstasy. In the event that such a woodwind is selected to participate in "cordial relations" with the Low Brass Section Leader, she and her family will be allowed to spend one (1) day at the Royal Low Brass Palace, and she will be promoted to the rank of Temporary Honorary Baritone Player.
BSL-11 The Low Brass Section Leader may never select a piccolo player to fulfill the above role. The risk of mutating the Low Brass gene pool is too great.
BSL-12 In the event that a female Low Brass Section Leader reigns, she may do as she wishes. If this involves packing tremendously heavy suitcases and forcing her underlings to drag them down three flights of stairs, then it must be so.
FLB-1 Because Katie Cornish received this revelation from the Plainwell Marching Band, she shall be the ultimate authority, after the Low Brass Section Leader (BSL-6), of the FLB hierarchy rules until her graduation, at which point the highest-playing Low Brass female will take over.
FLB-2 The Low Brass section leader shall still have power above the "Goddess," even if the FLB law says otherwise. Pursuant to BSL-12, if a Female Low Brass Section Leader reigns, she shall automatically be "Goddess," and will totally reign over the entire band and staff.
WIN-1 a. The only people with fewer rights than freshman are woodwinds.
b. Yes, this means that woodwinds have LESS than no rights.WIN-2 Should a woodwind attempt to be cool, they shall be placed in solitary confinement until they have regained their sanity.
WIN-3 a. Asking a woodwind, other than those designated as honorary low brass by the low brass section leader, any question requiring an intelligent answer, shall be illegal.
b. In an emergency, the above law shall be voided on a per case basis with written consent from the Low Brass Section Leader.WIN-4 The words loser and woodwind may be used interchangeably.
WIN-5 a. No woodwind shall be given an unaccompanied solo greater than 5 sec. in length, for any reason.
b. Should a woodwind desire a solo longer than the allotted 5 sec, he/she must be accompanied by a brass player (preferably a Low Brass player).WIN-6 Siblings of woodwinds shall have the right to band-subsidized therapy.
WIN-7 Woodwinds are forbidden from dating the Low Brass Section Leader, unless handled roughly and referred to as "My Slave."
b. Dating does not define the act allowed by BSL-10.LB-1 During tuning, the tuner shall be re-calibrated so that the Tubas shall always be in tune.
LB-2 In the event that the flutes or any other woodwind section, or the trombones, are causing an unusual delay in the tuning process, the Low brass shall lay out a plan of attack, surround the section, and throw the offending section's instruments further than the football team can move a play. Note - That means about 4 yards at Park.
LB-3 a. Tempo shall be determined by neither the director nor the drum majors, but solely by the Low Brass. b. Any low brass repeatedly playing a tempo which does not in any way relate to that of his fellow section members nor the drum major, nor percussion section, nor any part of the band, but which causes at least one half (1/2) of the band to follow, shall be awarded the Low brass Medal of Honor, to be presented at the band awards ceremony.
LB-4 Whenever the low brass are playing Pep Band music, they are by definition playing melody.
LB-5 a. When a brass player has lost all sense of rhythm and melody in a song, they shall immediately begin alternating between any first and open notes below C. b. Should a brass player be unable to play notes below C, he or she shall be stripped of his or her horn and immediately denoted as an honorary woodwind with no possibility of parole.
LB-6 All trombone players incapable of playing the fight song by the end of marching season their junior year shall be permanently barred from the marching band, and must be forced to date woodwinds.
LB-7 No Bari sax shall ever be used to sound a tuning note. BS's are automatically in tune. With themselves.
LB-8 Horse whinnies and moos may be performed only by certified personnel. b. The tubas may think that they are the farm people. That is not true. Only the percussion can "neigh."
LB-9 All band personnel are required to salute whenever a Low Brass member passes by, and in the event that the Low Brass Section Leader is seen in public, he must be bowed to graciously and given a monetary donation b. In the event that someone interprets "given a monetary donation" as throwing coins at the high Section Leader, that person will be demoted to (dis)honorary piccolo with no possibility of parole. c. In the event that that person is already a piccolo, she shall be forced to do 100 repetitions of lifting the Sousaphone onto and off of each shoulder.
LB-10 In the event that dynamic markings in a given piece do not exceed "mf" for all Bari Sax parts, the master set of the score will be burned and the composer brutally slain. This situation is also true in the event that the 1st Tuba part contains more than fifty (50) consecutive measures of rest or one-hundred-twenty (120) total measures of rest.
LB-11 The option "8va" must not proceed any numbered bar any marching and/or pep band music.
LB-12 Any non-section-leader low brass may date a flute on a case-per-case review by the Low Brass Section leader.
ETI-1 a. Arrogance in the trombone ranks is strictly forbidden. b. This rule shale not be applicable to those enrolled in public schools, private schools, home-schooling, or the alumni of these schools. This law shall also be void for all males, females, and aliens from planets you've probably never even heard of yet.
ETI-2 a. Obeying the orders of an assistant director, or student teacher, can and will be punishable by death. b. In the event of an extreme emergency, the aforementioned law shall be ignored. A status of emergency may only be declared by the Low Brass Section Leader.
ETI-3 All players of rank equal to or higher than honorary brass shall be addressed by the first name of the person, the conjunction, "of," and the person's instrument, as in Sean of Trombone. They may also be addressed with any fitting adjectives, such as Tennis Ball Ben of Tenor Sax. All flutes shall be addressed as either:
· Flutey
· You
· (grunt).
All other woodwinds will be designated by a method of choice, to be selected by the Low Brass Section Leader.
RPS-1 The Low Brass section leader can form an alliance with the percussion section leader or senior at any time, unless it is Scott Engemann.
b. If it is Scott Engemann, he'll be disowned before the season ends, so just go with the drummer most likely to be line leader.RPS-2 If an alliance is formed, it must agree to no terms except for the members involved to do their best at ridding the marching band of woodwinds and forming a drum and bugle corps, at which point the band can join DCI.
RPS-3 If an alliance is formed, ridiculing drummers is still allowed, just don't do it in front of them.
BRS-1 The Low Brass section leader and all members shall rule with iron fists over all the other brass sections.
BRS-2 Any dissident sections shall immediately be punished by having to listen to the Trumpet section practice Above the staff C's for one hour.
BRS-3 Continually mocking the woodwinds is a necessary requirement to be considered "brass."
BRS-4 Only the low brass section leader, not any other section leader or section member, can demote a fellow brass player to the status of "honorary piccolo" or any other "honorary woodwind." (an oxymoron?)
BRS-5 The brass section must work with the alliance between the drum line and the trumpet line to become a drum and bugle corp.
BRS-6 a. Special care must be taken to make sure the trombones do not become dissident. They can become very annoying and a hindrance to the marching band. b. If they do become dissident at any time in the season, they shall undergo a "trombone-ectomy." c. It shall be up to the drum line to interpret clause (b) of this rule.
OTH-1 a. Make no mistake about it: Freshmen Have NO Rights. b. If anybody runs down a freshman in the parking lot, the band is to throw him or her a party, unless (i.) the person being run down was a low brass, or (ii.) the person running down was a flute. c. This rule shall be revoked for any freshman Low Brass Section Leader. d. Since there never will be a freshman Low Brass Section Leader, ignore clause C.
OTH-2 Sale of the magic lip-rejuvenation potion to minors shall be strictly forbidden.
OTH-3 The power of the Band Council is to be null and void, that is, unless a Low Brass holds the title of "President" or in the event that 2/3 of the band council is made up of Low Brass.
OTH-4 Any non-brass band member wishing to move a low brass case must first receive written permission from the Low Brass Section Leader or must be immediately put to death.
OTH-5 The low brass section leader can either: a.) be very kind and buy a case of valve oil/cork grease at the beginning of the year, or: b.) be very mean and take everybody else's valve oil/cork grease.