These are some writings that I have done in the past. I find writing a very useful way to figure myself out without just confusing myself even more.
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let me go
let me go
let me go
I scream
Dreading this
place as always
So afraid of being alone
Yet afraid of being
rejected for trying
I'm trapped in this filth
covered shell
If you crush me I break
Please someone, anyone,
save me
I need to break free
So slowly crack me open
letting the real me out
Show me what it's
like to be free
Show me what it's like to
love and be loved
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LOST FRIENDSHIP
I'm kind of getting the feeling
like you don't want to be around
me anymore
You're ashamed of me
Your hidden friend
Like I'm so hidious or such
a dork that you feel down when
around me
We're never in public together anymore
I'm getting hints that when your
doing stuff with me you tell
them someone's making you stay home
Not even you, my best friend, respects
me for being me
You definately Don't have a way with words
Always cutting me down even
if you don't mean it
I hurt
feeling alone has become my life
the way it'll always be
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PLEASE DON'T
Please don't walk away from me
Give me a chance
Please don't hurt me
I'm already on the verge of breaking
Please don't make me cry
As the tears swell in my eyes
But please don't lie to me
I don't think that I could take it
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THROUGH MY EYES
I see why your not interested in me
But it hurts to look through your eyes
I hate to see myself this way
Being smacked in the face with the truth
Sometimes I believe I'm beautiful
But my eyes arn't seeing the truth
They lie to me
So maybe I should listen to you next time
Instead of starting to believe
that just maybe you'll be the one to see me
through my eyes
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YOUR FEAR
Why won't you look at me
Does it hurt you
Can't you face me
Do you fear me
Do you fear what I can do to you
Make you fall for me
as many times I've
fallen for you
Or do you fear not being alone
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CRAZY BLUSH
I'm going crazy
Just sitting here
in my room
Wishing that you were here
or I was there
It's so twisted
how I could feel
so much
Over you who I
barely know
You're driving me crazy
My adrenaline sends
me flying when you
enter the room
And when I try to
speak to you
My heart starts
pounding and
my cheeks blush
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SUMMER AFTERNOON: AREALISTIC FANTASY
And we sat there
In the grass
Messed in the head
which made everything fine
My hair swept softly
across my face
as I looked up to you
Your ctooked grin
made me start to feel
like I was just dying to
touch you
When I told you, you
giggled
But you always giggle
at whatever I say
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JUST NOT CAREING
For once
I'm not really careing
I don't feel the guilt
You are blowing
everything out of proportion
Carrying on and on
Making it much morre than it
ever was
But you have a tendancy to
do such things
And this is what I get from
you for standing up for myself?
That is exactly
why I'm just
not careing
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THE RIGHT THING SAID
And she said the right
thing for once
"I just don't think he knows you enough"
It makes me feel
like maybe I still
have a chance to prove myself to him
If I can just open up I won't be judged
upon my appearance again
Maybe he's not one to judge until he
knows the truth
He just might have been here before
But I'll never know
unless I open up to him
< < <
BELIEVE IN ME
It's hard having nobody believe in you
Starts to make you not believe
in yourself anymore
It's very sad that peoples views of
themselves can change due to
other's opinions
So if you'll tell me that I'll make it
It'll give me what I need to succeed
But if you tell me I'll
never get what I need
It's like taking all of the hope out of me
< < <
"INSERT NAME HERE"
I knew that I should have stayed away from you
Should have never looked into your eyes
or listened to you speak to me
But I couldn't help it
You came off to me as open and friendly
always talking about things taht were happening in your life
You really caught my attention
And to top it off you're so adorable
My heart giggled when I saw you the other weekend
Smiling in my direction, sunburn across your nose and cheeks, a hat on your head
I could feel my cheeks blush
Just yearning for you to look at me again
Needing you to touch me
At that point I knew that I was going to fall for you
I didn't want to , knowing that nothing would ever happen between us
I didn't want to get hurt
But now you're always on my mind
And I feel all lit up when You're around
I want you near me
here by my side
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HANDED CHANCES
I see myself being handed chances
but I still don't take them
The fear to fail and be crushed by
you is too strong
I must stand to this
Take a chance and get to know you
or sit around wishing I was with you
And I see all of these chances
but I have no idea how to approach you
And make a lasting impression
withing you
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BEFORE BED
If I could hold you
would it make you smile
I just want to see you
next to me
What do you think of as
you fall asleep at night
Do you cry as I do, wishing
that the world would
just go aways
Yet never wanting to be alone
To be held in your arms
and no one elses
And I'm wondering what
you taste like
All of you
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I wish that I could take your pain away Give you better days We both know you deserve so much better And you will get it Once your time comes
< < <
You all seem so fake
with your forced smiles
and perfect selves
You parade around
believing that others
are envious of you
Not really
They look down on you secretly
because of your arrogance
So full of yourselves
Never giving a second thought
to anything besides
your flat chested barbie doll figures
So perfect in a sick way
And you're all the same
looks, laughs, smiles, personalities
Changing with the trends
You're changing for them again
So who are you
Do you ever take a moment
to see what you've become
< < <
I wish I could show you
how much I love you
You saved me
I'm not alone because of you
Don't have to hide
You bring the real me out
But all I can do to prove
myself to you is
give you what you gave to me
back
trust and love
< < <