She bats her eyes. What did the mommy ghost say to the baby ghost? Don't spook until you're spoken to. Why do vampires drink blood? Because coffee keeps them up all day. Why can't witches have babies? Because their husbands have halloweenies. 
Why didn't the ghost enjoy the party?He had no body to dance with. What does a ghoul shop for? Grosseries! Why did the vampire give his girlfriend a blood test? To see if she was his type. Whom did the ghoul invite to his party? Anyone he could dig up. 
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite! Why do ghosts go to bars? For the boos. Why did the ghoul go to the cafeteria for dinner? He heard children were half price. Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because people are dying to get in. 
He didn't have a haunting license. What do you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman? A dead ringer! Why don't mummies take vacations? They're afraid they'll relax and unwind. What kind of street does a ghost live on? A dead end! 
Halloween Dictionary Bobbing Apples: What happens when you leave your bra off while running. Boogieman: Guy who passes time at a stoplight picking his nose. Coffin: What you do when you get a piece of popcorn stuck in your throat. Frankenstein: Hot dog and a mug of beer. Full moon: What your repairman reveals when he bends over to fix your fridge. Goblin: How you eat the Snickers bars you got for Halloween. Invisible Man: What a guy becomes when there's housework to be done. Also see "Mr. Hyde." Jack O' Lantern: An Irish Pumpkin. Jack the Ripper: What Jack does to his lottery tickets after losing each week. Mummy: Who kisses the boo-boo after you scrape your knee. Pumpkin Patch: What a pumpkin wears when trying to quit smoking. Skeleton: Any supermodel. Vampire Bat: What Dracula hits a baseball with. Witch: See "Mother-in-Law." Zombie: What you look like before that first cup of morning coffee. 
TOP 10 SIGNS YOU'RE TOO OLD TO BE TRICK OR TREATING 10. You get winded from knocking on the door. 9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you. 8. You ask for high fiber candy only. 7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over. 6. People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and you're not wearing a mask. 5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest. 4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders. 3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece. 2. You're the only Pokemon in the neighborhood with a walker. 1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live. 
NIGHTMARES! Looking around as the noises loom, knowing how close you are to doom. You begin to sweat, the goosebumps flow, you turn to run but the feet won't go. The roaches crawl across your face, the spiders make their webs of lace. You try to scream but no sound comes forth, The demons have charted this deadly course. High above the witches fly, screaming loudly as they pass you by. Down below the hands break free, and now they rise from the muddy sea. Blood is oozing from every door, spilling secrets that are held no more. All this comes from that one mistake, That extra piece of pie you ate. NIGHTMARES!! 
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