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Things That Make Me Go Hmmm...





If a deaf person swears, does his mother was his hands with soap?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Is there a synonym for the word synonym?

When you open a bag of cotton balls, are you supposed to throw the top one away?

Why isn't there mouse flavored cat food?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Why do they put braille on the drive-through bank machines?

How do they get the deer to cross at those yellow road signs?

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

What WAS the best thing before sliced bread?

24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

When blondes have more fun, do they know it?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Is reading in the bathroom considered "multi-tasking"?

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

How much can I get away with and still go to heaven?

What do people mean when they say their computer went down on them?

In elementary school, in case of a fire, you were told to line up in a single file line, from the shortest to the tallest. Why? Do tall people burn slower?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?

Since light travels faster than sound, is that why some people seem bright until you hear them speak?

Why do we press harder on the buttons of the remote control when we know the batteries are dead?

Why do people without a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is?

Why does sour cream have an expiration date?

Why do banks charge you a 'non sufficient funds fee' on money they already know you don't have?

Why is the alphabet in that order?

If you got into a taxi and the driver drove backwards, would he end up owing you money?

What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?

Do fish get cramps after eating?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

When I erase somethig with a pencil, where does it go?

How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?

Why do we wash bath towles? Aren't we clean when we use them?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking?

What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?

If it's 0º today, and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Do Roman paramedics refer to an IV as a '4'?

What ever happened to Absorbine Senior?

If dogs can hear so well, why do they bark so loudly?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?

If a pig loses it's voice, is it disgruntled?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one, or oneteen?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it make sense that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, and dry cleaners depressed?

If people from Poland are called 'Poles', why aren't people from Holland called 'Holes'?

Why don't we ever hear of a gruntled employee?

When sign makers go on strike, what is written on their picket signs?

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when it's against the law to drink and drive?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?

Why isn't 'phonetic' spelled the way it sounds?

What ever happened to Preparations A through G?

Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?

When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there staring at the carpeting?

What ever happened to the first 6 ups?

If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green, or a lemon called a yellow?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

Is anyone ever just whelmed?




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