We've been waiting six months for this mold. MAN!!! The agony of desperation is killer!! Thankfully, Resaurus answered our cry to geekdom and also removed that darn lawsuit against us for 'accidentally' kidnapping a Crash sculptor and 'accidentally' holding him at controller point until this figure was made. Geez! Well, SCUBA crash finally cometh this summer and what fun it will be. You can either leave it in the package and never look at it again, or you can rip it out and jump into the bathtub with it. Yep, this sculpt comes packed with SCUBA gear and flippers. Set him into the tub and watch Crash...uh...sink ...like...uh... sink like the Titanic!! Cool. Now, if only his nose would squeak. Then it would be perfect!!! Baaaaw haaa ha!!!
Moto Crash
Resaurus says double your pleasure, baby. Instead of one Crash (which is more than enough for any man or woman), Resaurus has supplied the gaming nation with two orange coats of plastic lovin'. This Crash comes with a motorcycle and goggles. Either the bike will be invisible like Wonder Woman's jet, or it's not shown in this image. We'd love to see the bike, but then again, invisible toys sure are fun to throw at the heads of co-workers. This Crash will also include a new Coco fig.
Wave Runner Coco
Is it just us or does she look just like Elizabeth Hurley? Ahh...Austin Powers babe...aghhhhhh. Coco "Danger" Bandicoot comes packed with her highly maneuverable jetski. Hopefully, it will float. Otherwise, she and her brother can explore the deep reaches of the tub in search of that elusive brown shark that Eddy Murphy always talked about. And please, Elizabeth, if you're reading this insane article, please stop by our pad for a shagadelic good time. Yeah, baby!!!!
Dingodile (aka The Rubinagavinasaurus)
This creature embodies the best of both worlds. It's a crocodile, the most ferocious reptile alive, and also a...hmmm...it's also a...uh...a Dingoadongoasaur, the most ferocious feline in the world. Yeah. So look out Crash, this boss is sculpted to kick you and your invisible bike's ass!!! Dingodile also comes packaged with his weapon of choice from Warped. Whether or not a few blue and green crystals will fall into the package is still unknown.
N. Gin (aka Rocket in the Head Guy)
N. Gin is a strange character. His voice is way out of whack. He's extremely short. His hair is too red, and if you didn't notice (look closely now), he's got a big ol' nuke stuck in his freakin' head. It's too bad that Naughty Dog was too big of a wuss to kill off any of its characters...besides the good guys of course. N. Gin would experience one heck of a death. KAPLAMO!!! Brains...brains...brains...splattered everywhere. But noooo. Naughty Dog can't kill a boss character. They just keep coming back, allowing the artists to be less creative and so on and so forth. We dare you Naughty Dog.
Kill N. Gin. Kill 'im good!!! Or else.
Crash Plush Toys
Yes. Great. Cool. The Crash plush toys are coming. The Crash plush...toys...are...coming. Granted, it's hard to tell from a distance, but do these toys look like butt or what. Crash looks great in plastic, but he looks like butt in plush. Yuck!!!
Crash Hanging By a hook Things (aka Whatever the Heck They May Be)
YAHHHHH!!! OH MOTHER!!! These things are hideous...and they're all hanging by frightning hook thingies. EGAD!!! What a horrible creation! Eww. Make them stop!!! Make them stop!!! ugghh...heart...not...strong...enough for...such...tr...a...u...ma...
In Other Crash News: We conversed with Jason Rubin of Naughty Dog yesterday afternoon and nothing interesting was discussed. However, for a second there, it seemed like something noteworthy was coming our way. But of course, we started screaming about the death of N. Gin and the apocalypse and such and he hung up.