Toni Post: Go ahead and take off your blindfold. Audience Member: Don't do it! Birdee: People fall in love. They fall right back out. It happens all the time. Bernice: What's that funny smell? Birdee: Cows. Birdee: Once upon a time, your momma knew what it meant to shine. Ramona: Birdee, you take up drinkin'? Birdee: No, I have not. Ramona: You mean this is you stone sober? You look just awful. Birdee: Well, I feel just awful, momma. Ramona: Well, you look it. Birdee: Well, I feel it. Ramona: Well...you look it. Ramona: Birdee, lock the door. Do you want to be murdered in your bed? Birdee: (to Bernice, who is eyeing the "Scaredy Cats") Don't worry, sweetheart. If they bite ya, they have \ rubber teeth. Birdee: (to Bernice) My little burrito baby. Snug as a bug in a rug. You're out of luck if you want to itch your nose. Ramona: She's doin' a pilot. Birdee: What's he like? Ramona: If you don't want people to see you, why'd you go on television? Birdee: Because momma...I wanted a free make-over, that's all. Ramona: Well, you got one. Just a different one, that's all. Ramona: Look at me. My life has no meaning or direction or purpose, and I'm happy. Ramona: (To Bernice) You're startin' a new life. Anything you wish is possible. Bernice: Daddy says hi. He says he misses me. Birdee: I'm sure he does, sweetheart. Ramona: (to Birdee) Well, maybe you were special. But then again, maybe you were just like the rest of us, except you were riding around on flowers made of toilet paper. Birdee: You just didn't like Bill. Ramona: I like all of God's creatures. I just like them better stuffed. And he's one of them. Justin: Birdee, Birdee, Birdee. Ramona: Move onto something else, Justin...You smell just delicious, Justin. Are you wearing cologne? Justin: No, just a little paint thinner with some sweat mixed in. Ramona: Well, it sure does smell good, doesn't it, Birdee? (Birdee looks at her mother, dumbfounded.) Bernice: Back home, we had a pet skunk. Mom named it Justin Matisse. Do you think that's a coincidence? All day, Mom screamed, "You stink Justin Matisse!" Finally, she just picked up a club and killed it. Ramona: Get the stink blown off of ya. Birdee: I always hated that saying, momma. Justin: You look terrible. Been drinkin'?? Birdee: Why does everyone think I've been drinkin'?! Is there a coaster stuck to my butt or somethin'? Justin: You gotta feel depressed looking like that. Birdee: Gee, Justin, do you always say what is on your mind or is this just my lucky day? Justin: I'm doing you a favor by not lying, Birdee. Birdee: Well Justin, I don't need any favors...I just need...somethin'... (she turns and leaves) Justin: (under his breath) Is that an invitation?? Justin: She'll cool off. It's gotta be hard carrying around all that hair. Justin: I was over the moon for you back then, Birdee. Justin: Breathe. Birdee: I'm breathin'. Justin: Just listen... Birdee: (while Birdee and Justin are fishing) It's a good thing we aren't going out for steak, 'cause I'm pretty rusty at roping a steer. Justin: Well, you aren't so hot at this either. Justin: Let me see that smile. You got a great smile...don't show it to me now. Justin: I feel like I'm sixteen again. (He puts his hand up to Birdee's face and pushes her hair away.) Birdee: (laughing)Get real, Justin. Birdee: I haven't kissed anybody before Bill. Justin: Who said anything about kissin'? They both laugh. Bernice: Please don't have a talk with her mother...I'd rather die. Travis: Don't worry...You will. Ramona: Travis, Travis, come down here and be a tree. Bernice: I don't feel so good, Grandma. Ramona: You're going to school today Rocky. Birdee: Hey...How was school? Huh? Hey weasel? Bernice: Fine! Birdee: What happened? Travis: She lived. Justin: I wanna dance with ya. Justin: Dancing is just a conversation between two people. Talk to me. Birdee: (As Birdee and Justin walk up to Justin's half-built home) It's beautiful. Justin: It's a door.