JC vs “the common man”

So, I was thinking of some friends of mine who are quite obsessed with *N Sync. A while ago they had mentioned that my then at-the-time boyfriend looked a lot like JC. I was like “What?!?! Are ya’ll freakin’ blind???” He looks NOTHING like JC!!! He don’t even resemble a small part of my sex god (JC)!!! So what I decided is to show people how much they are not alike and how JC is MUCH better than the king of all shitheads (a.k.a. my ex-boyfriend) Shall we get started??? Yes, I thought so!

ROUND I:

Basics

Name:

JC: Joshua Scott Chasez I find nothing wrong w/ it! I even like the genie-like last name! +3

EX: I’ve ommited the name for the sake of ‘privacy’. If you mention his name my skin will crawl. –5

Age:

JC: Recently turned 23. Yeah, see older = more mature (well at least most of the time). +7

EX: A pathetic 14. It has to be said. Guys this age are the most immature wimps the world will ever see. And I should also mention that entering a relationship were the guy is still into…into doing what 14 yrs. old do is very risky. I personally don’t recommend it. –10

Hometown:

JC: Washington, D.C. He is far away from me. Not good. – 4

EX: Juncos, Puerto Rico Too close to me. Even worse. – 9

ROUND II:

Physical

Body Type:

JC: Skinny, but with some definition. Well it couldn’t hurt to add a couple of pounds, but overall he is cozy enough to cuddle with (everybody now “awwwww”). +2

EX: WAY skinny. *Chicken Legs Alert* The guy is too skinny for his own good. –1

Face:

JC: Beautiful Love the face. LUV IT!!! +506

EX: Annoying. He don’t have that bad a face, I’ll admit that. But if I see it anytime soon, my stomach will revolt. –1

Hair:

JC: Brown Now he is definetly working this part with the gel and all. +4

EX: Brown Get a fucking haircut! – 5

Eyes:

JC: Blue It was those eyes that made me fall for him. What a work of art! +999

EX: Brown/hazel/green Okay, this guy has some really beautiful eyes. Whatever. +25

Nose:

JC: Kinda big. So??? +1

EX: Kinda normal. So??? +1

Mouth:

JC: Thin, but luscious. Out of those lips come the most heartbreaking songs ever known by man. +1K

EX: Thin… Ehhh…why dontcha inject some collagen or sumthin’? –5

Torso:

JC: Na-hice.

He’s cut…has his six- or at least 4-pac and the biceps are working. + 69

EX: Nah-ah He only has two measly squares…not good enough. –15

Hands:

JC: Mmm…not that bad. Uhhh, pianist don’t have the most beautiful hands. His fingers are too Edward Scissorhand-y. – 10

Ex: Same thing When he would try to “caress” my face, I thought he was trying to gouge my eyes out. –15

“Package”:

JC: How should I know??? Well, we know he ain’t “a gentelman”. +600

EX: Ehhhh… Let’s just say there isn’t a lot to look at. –250

Butt: * this for me is kinda the most important body part…but that’s just me * JC: Awww..yeah! BABY GOT BACK!!! He can fill out those pants nicely +1,000,000 EX: Butt, what butt??? This is so sad, he is flatter than a paper sheet. –5,000

Legs and feet:

JC: Kinda thin. We’ve already established the thinness within JC…It don’t bother me THAT much…And he has nice feet (watch “For the Girl…”). +9

EX: Sickly thin. If you didn’t see the actual parts, you would think that he is walking on stilts. It’s worse than toothpicks. He should cut his toenails. –7

ROUND III:

The inside scoop

Personality:

JC: Seriously sleepy, but he has his “moments”. Um, I don’t like him when he ‘tries’ to be funny. (Remember the 2nd FANatic? “Ah wanna be Cruella Dah Ville”…WTF!!!). Honey, just let it flow (and I don’t mean the PMS kind). JC at his best is when he is ‘serene’, contemplating the scenery, relaxed and then he turns to me and flashes that mega-watt smile. I just instantly melt. Ahhhhh. + 567

EX: Seriously irritating. At first he was fun to hang out and chill with, but when you realize that the guy don’t do much more than that…it gets OLD! Also all he ever wanted to do was “hang with his friends” and play with pornographic action figures (yes, they actually DO exist). And he was a horny little dude (he told me the most he’s ever “spanked his monkey”/”walked the dog” in one day was 5 times!!!), but experimenting beyond kissing was terrifyinly off-limits. – 101

Talents:

JC: Sings, dances, plays the piano and makes little jazzy ver-shunz. He has an AMAZING voice, he kicks-ass dancing and the jazzy ver-shunz are extremely endearing. Plus other talents include: Being the most gorgeous man alive, being Turkey’s SEX GOD, melts the heart of millions with just a bat of an eye. + 30K

EX: “Totally rips the tubes”, can fart on cue and annoying Turkey on almost daily basis. That pretty much sums it all up. – 5,000,000

Quirks:

JC: To jolt uncontrollably to the beat of a song, to scrunch up his face, steal Justin’s “thug appeal”. All excruciatingly cute. +7,941

EX: To annoy me, to say “swas” (inside joke). Not so cute. –6

Afraid of:

JC: Needles. Uh…you could choose a less wimpish object to be afraid of. – 27

EX: Me (Turkey) MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! +666

What I like about him:

JC: This is such a dumb question I’m kicking myself right know in the ass. People in case you haven’t read any of this…I recommend you do that so you’ll see what I love about this man. +50,000

EX: The fact that he is my ex. Hehehe…I also like the fact that I’m making fun of him right now. +3,333.

What I don’t like about him:

JC: All “the bad stuff” rumors. The drinking, the habit, it ain’t good A-TALL. (Porky is 101% with me on this, see “Why I like Shazam” on her Desk) – 10K

EX: The fact that he is my ex. Okay the thought of “mua” being romantically linked to this…this ‘person’ makes me shudder with shame. I also don’t like the way he started saying that I was a slut just ‘cause I kissed another guy, AFTER we broke up! – 99,999

After three glorious rounds, I wonder who the winner is gonna be???

The standings are:

JC with a score of: +1,081,667!!!

And

The EX with a total of: - 5104734 (that royally sucks)

THE WINNER IS JC!!!

(who had a doubt in their mind?)

Btw: If you are a single male between the ages of 16-19 with good intentions and above all a “gentelman” PLEASE e-mail me at:

sailor_turkey@hotmail.com

It helps if you look like the guy in the picture…JC…the hot one.

That’s all…for now!

Hughz –N- Kishesh

~*~ Sailor Turkey ~*~