Hi, you can call me Lizzard. You can guess my real name from that. Who cares.

So here are my darkest thoughts, I will update as I go. Read the disclaimer again. It's at the top of the page. Read it? Good. Don't complain.

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I ate so much food today, it's 2:09 am now. I plan to purge when my mom leaves early this morning and my dad's dead asleep. I've never purged with bulimic intentions before. I'm trying to loose weight and tone up. I'm to lazy to exersize enough. I'll brush my teeth extra hard and twice as much. I want to look really hot, so I can attrach this guy. I LOVE him. No, I am obsessed with him. On and off, I can't help it. I'm like a sister to him- that bugs me. Oh god I want him so bad!!!  I think about him so much. I hate him sometimes. I am pissed at him sometimes, but I always stop and realize how much I want him. Sometimes, I watch porn and pretend me and him are...yea. He's not my type. He's dumb, blonde hair, brown eyes, athletic. I like dark guys, shaggy black hair, blue eyes or green eyes, pale skin, smart. J is...I love him. I can't even. He's rejected me at least 3 times now. I should give up, I can do better. But I don't want to. The other day he was telling me that he hates the word love, especially about teenage love. That people say it in a fake way. He said he had bad memories around it but I couldn't get him to tell me...oh well. :/ I YAM GOING TO BED, STUPID BITCH MOM CAUGHT ME ON THE COMPUTER. But first, 30  questions about your

30 questions bout ur crush...
Created by surgarysweet90 and taken 968 times on Bzoink
ur name: LIZZARD
age: uh..no
height: 5'6
do you like somebody?: YES
are you interestedin men or women?: Men
how old are they?: 1yr older than me
say 3 letters, 1 of them must be their 1st initial...: JLU
do they know you like them?: YES
have you ever hung out wit em?: YES
how long have you known him or her?: 2 years
do you think they like you back?: Not really =[
is he or she on your top friends list?: YES
do you wish you were with them rightnow?: YES
what do you think he or she thinks about you?: That I'm nice and I care about them
have they ever called you?: Idk
have you ever called them?: Probably
whats ur fav. thing about em?: They're just..special to me..Idk
whats the longest time you have talked to them?: An hour?
have you ever dreamed about them?: ALL THE TIME
day or night?: Night
was it good?: We didn't...yet
how hott are they 1-10?: 10
Do you know their last name?: YES
have you ever commented one of their pics?: YES
have they ever commented one of urs?: YES
Are they nice to you?: YES
sweet to you?: YES
are you on their top friends list?: Idk
would you consider them sexy?: YES
do you think you all will work out together?: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You've been totally Bzoink*d!
Take This Survey | Search Surveys | Create a Surveypixel.gif

 

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NOTE: I DON'T WRITE EXACTLY LIKE THIS DAMNIT. MY WRITING FLOWS BETTER. THIS IS ME GETTING MY IDEAS DOWN. MK?" DON'T STEAL, CAUSE I'M A PSYCHOPATH. YOU BITCH.

It's now 1:33 pm. My aunt is coming over today to teach me chemistry. All I can think about right now is two of my favorite t.v. show's characters, together, in her bed. He's wearing a loose black band shirt, and some black sweats. She's wearing a loose tshirt with some sort of soccer team logo on it, she took a hair band and tied it in the back, so it shows her belly button and lower back. Then she has on pajama pants with some sort of print. She's laying so she faces him, he's laying on his back. He looks asleep. She's staring at him. Blood red tears stream down his cheeks. This is normal. But he's not. He's special. And they both know it. And she hopes he chooses her.

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She opens her door and see's bloody writing all over her white walls. She recongizes the text, Gloomy Sunday, the hungarian suicide song.

"Sunday is gloomy,

My hours are slumberless.

Dearest the shadows I live with are numberless.

Litter white flowers will never awaken you,

Not where the black coach of sorrow has taken you.

Angels have no thought of ever returning you,

Would they be angry if I thought of joining you?

Gloomy...Sunday...

 

Gloomy is sunday,

With shadows I've spent it all.

My heart and I have decided to end it all.

Soon they'll be candles and prayers that are said I know.

Let them not weap,

Let them know,

That I'm glad to go.

Deaht is my dream,

For in death I'm carresing you.

With the last breath of my soul I'll be blessing you.

Gloomy...Sunday."

She see's him face down on the floor. She rushes over to him.

"---, What happened!!"

"Uhhhhnnn" he groans.

"Are you okay baby? ---, Come on, sit on the bed"

"-----?"

"Yes hun?"

"Somethings...happening...I..." he trails off

She looked at him intensy.

"I'm sorry about your room."

"It's okay, ---, now whats happening?"

"I need to feed"

"Feed...?"

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I want marshmellows right now. I'm so hungry, I've been eating so much, I didn't get any alone time to purge because I fell asleep. :/