Now Playing: Skin- Alexz Johnson
I drift away to a place
Another kind of life
Take away the pain
I create my paradise
Bill stared at the pictures lining his bedroom walls, pictures of years gone by. Pictures where all that he'd ever experience. None with the band performing, just him and the band- his friends and his family. Pictures of his mother's wedding, pictures of him when he was younger, pictures with his brother and his best friends. Those days were golden, it was too bad they were so far behind him.
Everything I've held
Has hit the wall
What used to be yours
Isn't yours at all
He remembered those days like they were yesterday, and yet they felt like a lifetime ago. He use to be so free, so careless. He had been naive- all he'd wanted was the fame, and he'd take any price that came with it. Losing his privacy, losing the hope for a normal life had all been worth it then. The pictures reminded him of who he use to be, of the young boy who'd thought that he was getting everything he'd ever wanted.
And then he'd met Rachel, the one who had changed everything. She'd been the girl, the one he'd always wanted. It was a shame that he'd been so foolish to let her slip out of his hands.
Falling apart, and all that I'm asking
Is it a crime, am I overreacting
He use to be happy, now he wondered why he'd allowed himself to be fooled in such a way. He'd learned a long time ago that the life he had led would have consequences. What he'd once thought was worth giving up was now all he wanted back. Was it so wrong to wish for the past to be what it had once been?
Rachel was no longer in his arms, this room no longer was theirs. And yet he wished it would be, or would never have been. Oh, how he would turn back time.
Oh, he's under my skin
Just give me something to get rid of him
I've got a reason now to bury this alive
Another little white lie
They'd spent a few reckless months falling in love, somehow able to keep his feelings away from the limelight, to keep Rachel to himself. He'd had no regrets back then. Everything had still been his own. Rachel had still been his own.
And then things became suspicious after she met his family. Still, he never questioned her. He trusted her, and he loved her. It hadn't been love at first sight, but it had all been worth it. He'd finally seen that life was much more than fame. He'd figured out a meaning, and he'd thought it was her.
So what you had didn't fit
Among the pretty things
Never fear, never fear
I now know where you've been
Oh, how he could have been so foolish? He'd never imagined his life turning out like this. What he'd once wished for was no longer his longing. He wanted his life back- his friends, his family. He thought that he'd give anything for Rachel, but he hadn't figured in that she wouldn't give anything in return.
He didn't realize his own behavior until it was too late. He'd been horrible to her, been a true jerk. He hadn't changed his ways for her, and she moved on. She left him standing alone in the middle of this room, hand-in-hand with his own brother.
Braids have been un-tied
As ribbons fall away
Leave the consequence
But my tears you'll taste
What did Tom have that he didn't? He had wondered this every day since. The last year had been a struggle, but he'd somehow survived. He never spoke of his heartbreak in public, nor did he in privacy. Had he ever imagined that Tom would be the reason for his self-destruction, he would have never started in on this game.
Falling apart and all that I question
Is this a dream or is this my lesson
Someday justice would be served, but he was still too broken to begin the process of healing. The angry red lines on his skin said just that. But no one could know. Bill Kaulitz was not one to hate the world, and all he felt was resignation. If there was a meaning to life, it would have to be more than this. He had so much to live for, but none of it was worth it. His own brother had betrayed him.
Oh, he's under my skin
Just give me something to get rid of him
I've got a reason now to bury this alive
Another little white lie
He should be happy for Tom and Rachel. He should be there with them now instead of hiding inside his own bedroom, pondering everything that had happened. But he couldn't face them now, not on the day that should be his. He shouldn't have to see his first true love marry his twin brother.
I don't believe I'll be alright
I don't believe I'll be OK
I don't believe how you've thrown me away
I do believe you didn't try
I do blame you for every lie
When I look in your eyes, I don't see mine
He had later learned how long Rachel and Tom had been sneaking around him. He never would have guessed that their suspicions would lead to one another. He'd noticed changes in them both, but they hadn't needed much to get around him. Had he paid attention at all, it wouldn't have happened, and Rachel would still be in his arms. He would still have a functional relationship with his brother.
But then again, you couldn't hold off the inevitable forever.
Oh, he's under my skin
Just give me something to get rid of him
I've got a reason now to bury this alive
Another little white lie
His eyes landed on the last picture of the family, the last one before Rachel had come into the picture. He and Tom had still been best friends. How he missed those days, and not because of the height of his fame. Instead of just missing out on one love, he'd still had the most important thing in his life. He still had Tom then.
Rachel should have never come into his life.
Oh my permission to sin
You might have started my reckoning
I've got a reason now to bury him alive
Bill pulled the cuffs of his groomsmen's suit over the latest line and set the collar around his neck. He pulled his eyes from the pictures and looked into the mirror at the disaster he'd become. Life was worth living, but not like this.
Time would heal his pain, but he would never fall in love again. The heartbreak would mend, time would go on, and he would survive.
He plastered the look of happiness and forgiveness on his face as he opened the door of the room he had once shared with the bride-to-be. Today, all would be fine in the world.
Another little white lie.