Got nothing else to do with your time, o well, if your bored, i guess you can always check back later and see what else i have added. This site is not specific in the ways most others are. I started this page to keep in touch with a friend. I wont know if they have stopped by unless they leave me a message, but then again, they might not want me to know either. its all god either way though.
This was going to be a treasure hunt type of website, with the ending being a trip to sturgis for my friend to get married, but shit happens and things dont always work out the way they do. if you know what i mean, good, if not, get fuckin bent and leave, this is my page, and its not for you. a well.
so how are you doing?? im still not ok, but i think im getting better. ill be leaving in a few days so i can get my head right. i need hit in my head, and head, but o well what can you do. hehe. ever wonder what kinda person would actually read something like this without knowing who wrote it. i dont, but sure you have a reason. ill clue you on on something though, if you are reading this, then the next person that gets on to your computer can to. but if your not hiding anything, it doesnt really matter huh.
i could use this page to try to get you to believe anything i say, but ive already tried. nothingmore i can do. been thinking of moving now for a while, or maybe taking a dirt nap. i could always ride off into the sunset, but, i have someone in my life that keeps my coming ack to reality, then there is somebody that keepspushingme out of reality. stop picking!!!! you know what i mean. hey, u need some "help", not sure if you can help your self, but i know i can help you. any way, i drift in and out of reality alot, not knowing what to do and what not to do. i miss my dad, he always had the answer. such as life, and then some. so how is ur family??? i know they hate me, but i dont care, i know you do, but i dont. what is family anyway. shit im tired. i wonder if you will ever see this, i should probably keep dates on here just so u can tell how crazy i am huh. its now july 23, about 2:00 in the morning. ok im hoping off here, more to come later, if i dont die first. Later that day......its now 1:47 pm 7-23-08
i drove down the rode just hoping to see you, was thinking about snatching you up next time i saw u, not sure what i would do, but i know i want to get my hands on u, what do u think u could do to stop me, you say u want to get to it, so whats stopping u, i know never mind..... about to go back to work soon, maybe ill get my chance then, or not, maybe i will never see you again, if its gonna happen, its on you cause im not gonna chase you, i already tried that once, then i left you alone once, now its up to u, either way it goes, iknow a date that you have set for something, if i dont here from you by that date, i guess i will know. dont be afraid to call befor then, we dont have to get nobody involved. just you and me, or you can brings your friends to, dont be scared, im not gonna hurt you that much, unless you want me to,
Im about tired of phone courage mutherfuckers. gonna call somebody and threaten them, and you know who you are. step up and be a man, i have been, im ready, those who know me know my motto, those who dont, try me and find out. you wanna talk shit behind a phone, try it in person. you wont cause you know you will get dealt with. its easy to beat up on a women, or a drunk, or even a crack head, but why dont you try to step up to a man, you fucking punk. you aint nothing, and you never will be. to bit bitch. you are a phony huh. scared muther fucker. you know who im talking to dont u, sitting there getting all mad cause your reading this, o well. do somthing about it. ive challenged you to an open face to face fight. show me what you are made of!!!! hey, do us all a favor, wash your mouth out with buckshot.
does any body else have deamons that they deal with, mine are pulling me in so many different directions, i dont know witch way im going. sometimes i just want to hop on my bike and rearend a car at about 80 miles per hour. other times i think im ok,and i might get through another day. my deamons, not yours, so if you dont have them, dont ask, you wouldnt understand. ok, im going back to work, hope to see you soon, and you know who im talking to dont you!!!!
its now 3:39 pm thursday the 24, still no call, and i dont think you will, but i still hold out hope. ill be leaving really soon,matter of hours now, not days, and i need it. maybe it will help me to take my mind off the shit going on, but im not sure. not sure of anything anymore. i am feeling better now though. my sister came in from conneticut last night, it was really good to see her and my neices again, i miss them so much, and they helped me to feel ok, even if it was just for one night, it still felt good. after they left,i was a little disapointed, but i think it will be nice to seem them next time. my neices almost kinda warmed up to me, madwe me feel like an uncle. ive never really felt like that befor. i think i will put pics of them up on here when i gat back. i still wonder how nice it would be to put my hands on somebody thats been on my mind for a while, but the more i think about it, the more i want to go out of my way to make sure that they see me. i know i cant do that, because i gave my word, but if your ready, you can call me and we can get it over with!!!!!! of course im not gonna say no names on here, but those who know what im talking about, you know who you are. it would have been nice for you to meet my family, you would have liked them. they would have probably liked you to. they wanted me to call you, but i promised. they didnt think you would mind, saying that all we been through, we gonna get back together and this would be the start,but i know better. im tired of pissing you off, and getting hurt in return.such as life, well gotta get off here, people are starting to look at me, might have to kill somebody today,,,,,,, later!!!!!
ok, its now, 9:49 pm on 7-23, getting excited about the trip again. not looking forward to the driving, but i look at it as seeing more of america while i can. to bad you wasnt coming with me, but i bet its to late to change that, i think you gonna do your own thing now. had a dream about you, it was a nice dream, makes me wish i could go back to sleep and never wake up. im gonna keep that in mind. not sure how i would pull that one off, making sure i was in just enough of a coma to never wake up and still have dreams, i think the trick would be to not kill myself in the process.
do u ever wonder what it would be like to die??? do u ever wonder what kind of an impact you have made in everybody elses lives. i know i would be missed, maybe for about 5 days, then the weekend would come and it would all change, i would only then become a fleeting thought, only occasionaly thought of during holidays, or when the time was just right. i hope im wrong, but over the years ive developed a sense of knowing how people are. i think if i died tomorrow, i know that there are certain individuals that wouldnt even come to say goodby. would you. if i left this world tomorrow, would you still remember me???? ten points to name that song...... damn it you been picking again. maybe if i get the chance to explain that i will, i mean its kinda important now, really important. wasnt no big deal befor...
ok im gonna stop typing now, think im gonna upload a picture or 2, might be the last time i get to look at it befor i leave you know. hope not, but, if i do go, and somebody reads this in time, i want to be buried with any and all pictures on this website. i also want to be buries with my 9mm. protection in the after life so when im ready for the revolution in hell, i can take over!!!!
im back, and its 1:17 am 7-25, still havent eaten in almost a week, just not hungary. hell of a diet, lost almost 20 pounds so far, damn near lowerpant size, some good coming out of it, just wish i could eat without throwiing up. o well not your problem huh. so why are you still reading this????? do u know me, or having something to say to me, but dont know how??? maybe u just have some morbid fantasy about reading about some guys life crashing around him. either way, i hope u are having a good time. while you are here, got anay ideas on how to help me out???? probably not, us just some sick twisted fuck that gets jolies off from reading some stupid shit, says the fucker thats typing the shit huh. LOL who cares what im writing right. nobodys gonna read it any way.
had a good conversation with my daughter. shes worried about me now, she dont knw whats going on, but she could tell this last weekend. she called tonight just to ask if i was ok, wich is out of the ordinary for her. i woryy about what she will think about me if i do kill myself. i hope she never has to go through this. the thought of that alone makes me not want to be here to see if it might. i miss being able to tuck her in at night. makeing sure she is alright. wished i could have hada few mor kids, maybe, later, or maybe not. gotta be alive to have kids i think.
i got less then 24 hours befor i go away, been planning this for quite some time now, just wish it had worked out like i wanted it to. but if that always happend id hit the lottery everyweek, and i be getting blow jobs everyday! You still been picking, dont lie i can tell. i can see you looking in that mirror because you couldnt get it befor. damn i wish i couldnt see that. thats my biggest problem. i see you everywhereyou are. i see you when you are sleeping. 45 to the head and i wouldnt see nothing no more.
believe it or not this does help, writingshit down. i cant explain why, but it has always helped me in the past. i only looked at my old phone 4 times today. it was only disapointing 3 of those times.
ever here people say that when god closes a door he opens a window???? im not sure if i believe that or not but since you left, alot of my old friends have been coming by again, Laura called the shop the very next day, that was really weird, i almost thought you put her up to it. Juice and i started talking again, and his cousin T has been calling me. wanted to go buy and say high to them befor i left, but i need to get my head right on my own, they will just cloud my judgement. maybe when i get back. maybe its just the jaeger talking, seems hes been doing alot of talking lately,
not sure how im gonna pull this trip off, but have nothing to save for anymore, the money i set back for the big finally is pretty much up for grabs, but, id almost like to save that just in case you know. just in case u call. shit, ur not gonna. i heard you was leaving with some guy soon anyway. dont matter, i can handle that. but why is it so hard to let go, can anybody tell me. how did u do it???? its been so long, but i can still smell u, and sometimes, if my mind is right, i can taste u. funny huh. i think that is why its so hard, i dont ever really stop thinking about u. everybody says it will be easier if i just go fuck somebody, but i know in the long run, i will either be dead, or, i will be stronger. ive decided not to eat till aug 8th. my old phone will be shut off if i dont hear from u befor then, and if i dont, i know its because you dont want nothing to do with me no more, youve moved on already, but, i still have hope. also, if i dont, i should be under 180, maybe ill be able to get hottie like you, but only when im ready. gotta get right first though.
do you ever think we could be friends again??? i thougtit was funny when i heard that the first time, but now im not sure. id always be trying to fuck, or at least eat the pussy like i used to when we met. lol, those were good times huh.
got some sick freaks on here readingabout some guy spilling his guts about a girl. but hey, its not my world, im just taking up a small part of it. wonder how long i can keep this up.
i miss you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
its now 1:51 pm 7-25, only a few more hours till i leave, still havent heard anything. starting to wonder if i should come back. slowly loosing hope now, maybe just week from no food, but still no appitite. hoped to see you at lunch, but, i know better, but i still think about it. i know if i could talk to u i could straighten all this out, but, i wonder if you really want me to. the last time i saw u, u acted like you didnt want to let me go. i made u, i wanted to see if u was gonna call agin or not. im sad to say you didnt, i guess i should have held on a little bit longer, but i knew if i did i would not have let go. i still think i should have though. i know you have to find your own way, i often think i will be there with you, but im starting to realise that is not going to happen, i gave my word that im not gonna call no more, and im gonna keep my word. i hope u understand why..... sorry gotta hop off here, customer,
5:37pm 7-25,, still no wordfrom you. i give up, im gonna go ahead and leave. maybe i will get to see you if i make it back a live, if i dont, dont come to my funeral, i dont want that being the last way you see me...... i will always miss you,
