Many relationship experts agree that substance abuse leads to unhealthy romantic relationships. But upon encountering that assertion, many people (especially those who are into substance abuse themselves) tend to pose a question as to how exactly substance abuse brings about unhealthy romantic relationships. That is the question we now attempt to answer, as we interrogate the mechanism through which substance abuse leads to unhealthy relationship patterns.
As it turns out, substance abuse leads to unhealthy romantic relationships to the extent that:
1. It kills empathy in some people. We have a situation where some substance abusers tend to become heartless (having lost empathy) at some point, as a result of their substance abuse habits. When this happens, it becomes very hard for them to enjoy healthy romantic relationships. They get to a point where they won’t entertain dissenting views from those that they hold. When they get to this point, even their significant others tend to start dissociating from them (in case they happen to be married).
Empathy is a key component of love, and the moment it is killed, it becomes very hard to sustain a relationship without. The partners in relationships where empathy has been killed by substance abuse tend to start behaving as if they are single again. That is how you end up in a situation where a man who knows that he is married goes out looking for professional escorts – one he discovers that his wife’s ability to empathize has been killed by substance abuse on her part. The man in question may have doubts about the morality of using the services offered by the escorts. But to the extent that his wife has gotten into substance abuse and ended up losing her ability to empathize, he is more likely than not to feel justified in using the services of the escorts. The man’s wife is, in the meantime, likely to be attributing his behavior to other things (if she gets to learn of it), without knowing that it is her drug-induced loss of empathy which drove her husband away.
2. It induces impatience in some people. This is typically as a result of the effects that recreational drugs tend to have on the brain reward systems. The impatience manifests to others as selfishness, and once one partner in a romantic relationship starts perceiving the other one as ‘selfish,’ the seeds of discord are sowed. Impatience also interferes with communication – and we all know of the situation where many substance abusers expect to be listened to, but they don’t bother to listen to other people.
3. It interferes with sexuality in some people. In some people, substance abuse leads to loss of libido, even as it tends to cause excessive sex drive in others. Either way, the effect on romantic relationships is huge. If it is a case of drug-induced low libido, the other partner may get the impression that the (substance abusing) mate is seeing someone else on the side: causing a rift between the two of them. If it is a case of drug-induced excessive sex drive, the end result may be the situation where one engages in illicit sexual affairs. Indeed, this is how we end up with apparently ‘happily married’ men seeking the services of, among other professionals, the so-called escorts: when they feel that their (unreasonable) needs are not being met at home. The excessive sex drive induced by drugs has also been known to push people to get into unhealthy relationships whose only motivation is pursuit of physical intimacy.
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