Being a Giving Person Can Be Painful At Times
I have been so busy finding ideas, writing, learning how to build a website, thinking of the future unknown, keeping anxiety at bay, supporting my husband, supporting friends, and other stuff I am too stressed to remember.
However, I have never been too busy to help others.
Even in amongst the awful experience I have come through I have not failed in thinking of others.
I am very proud of that.
You see if there is only one thing in my entire life that I have learned deep into my core it is symbiosis.
I love that word.
It can hurt though. Symbiosis.
It can hurt because sometimes other people do not have the same understanding of the word.
I am only human and I can feel hurt.
It is part of the learning though. Learning that the direction you give your help is not always the direction from which you receive reciprocation.
This is obviously the next lesson on my list.
There have been a good number of lessons in my life. Some of them the lessons took me a painful amount of time to learn.
However, I am getting much quicker at learning the lessons, this is possibly due to the fact I have more time to reflect on the important stuff, and no doubt because I am writing more.
I digress.
Napoleon Hill in his book Think Grow Live says, do not expect the payment to come back from the direction you expect it; however remember it will come back.
I believe that to be true. However, it still hurts. I am human.
The lesson then for me is to let go of the hurt and not expect others to give as much as I do.
In fact, I should expect nothing.
Even though, I have given so much?
Yes even though you have given so much.
Trust the universe and the reward will come for being kind and thinking of others, it is their stuff if they are being unkind. It is their stuff if they receive payback for doing harmful stuff to others.
Difficult concept to get into your head.
Symbiosis.
I do not think that humans realize how much they can hurt each other. I mean we are all so busy are we not?
It is my intention to never to be too busy. It is what I have always done.
Try to help others, that is what I learned when I was a child and everyone was so busy around me.
There were five siblings and me. Naturally, my parents would be busy; I would find time to try to help make things better.
That is where I learned my skill of helping others before myself.
I do not intend to change that, even though sometimes it can hurt.
Continue trusting in the universe; learn the lesson and things will come right.
Find time for others, but keep sight of yourself. If you burn out you can be of no help.
Thinking about this, there is a new friend I have attracted who is not as selfish as the rest. She uses symbiosis I just have not noticed.
We concentrate on the negatives that happen to us much more than the positives. Why is that when the positives are much more important?
My new friend is kind, sensitive and actually, worth ten of the others, so really I have no need to feel hurt.
Although I have helped so many people lately, she still manages to outnumber them.
I need to remember that. It is important.
There is a lesson here I am learning. I need to look closely or I may miss it.
The reward for being kind and helping others does not always come from the direction you expect it to come.
Carry on giving and then give some more. It can still be the best feeling in the world.
Without getting too technical, we hang onto primary feelings because of certain arrested development.
It is my belief that if we can find why we hold onto that feeling then we will find the answer to why?
Why the feeling keeps coming up for us.
Once we understand why the feeling keeps coming up, then we will be able to put it to rest and move on.
I have had a sadness follow me through life. I cried a great deal as a kid. Therefore, what is coming up for me now is that same old sadness that I have always felt.
I am sad now for myself, sad that others do not seem to be able to give as much as I do.
I do not receive what I know I deserve. What will happen if I let go of wanting to be significant.
The sadness I think comes from having lost a mother that I never really had. My mother was never available for me, she was far too busy. See a pattern here folks?
Therefore, I am doing the same old thing that I did as a kid. I am giving, giving, giving in the hope, that someone will notice and then I will gain significance. I was not significant as a kid. It was impossible to be a girl in our household and be significant. Or so it felt.
Inadequacy.
This is the feeling I am bringing back into my life it has always been there. I felt inadequate as a kid because I was a girl and my mother favored the boys. I tried to be significant, but I never felt that way.
I understand now that I am significant.