*The camera opens up to a dirt road. It is a quiet wooded area, its dusk, and the wind is blowing hard. You hear a rustling from deep in the woods. Suddenly in front of the camera, RM Strong comes flying out, his shirt not on. His pants are mostly unbuttoned, almost falling down. He's holding them up as he runs. He stops, noticing Brandon and the camera. He winks, motions for him to come. Suddenly, you hear a blast from a shotgun, and a second later, the dirt down by RM's feet explodes in a dust cloud. RM takes off running again, this time down the road. Coming out of the woods a few seconds behind RM, carrying a shotgun, with a pair of bib overalls on, is an old farmer. His hair is all ruffled, and you can see tobacco juice dripping from his toothless mouth. He stops, not even paying attention to Brandon, who is almost right next to the guy now. The man looks around, not knowing where RM escaped to. He looks at Brandon, holding the gun at him*

Redneck: Where'd that boy go, son?

Brandon: He ran into the woods over there. Get 'em!

*The redneck scowls at Brandon, then takes off into the woods on the opposite side of the road. You hear Brandon chuckle and say something about a stupid redneck. He whistles, trying to get RM's attention. RM peeks his head out, and looks around. He sees that the redneck isn't around. He strolls out smoothly, like nothing at all has happened. He now has his shirt on, a Rancid "Lets Go!" shirt, complete with the sleeves ripped off. His studded belt is now fastened, so his pants aren't falling down. He walks over to Brandon.*

RM: I had it handled, no problem at all. Deliverance had no clue what he was in store for. Speaking of, where the hell were you?

Brandon: I was. Uh. Umm. I found a flower that I was looking at. Sorry man.

RM: Ok, dude, you are about as gay as John Matthews.

Brandon: Ok, that was completely uncalled for. You take that back right now. Kid is obsessed with Twilight. I am no where NEAR that god damned gay. Take it back or else!

RM: Fine, Fine, you are just a little bit less gay than him, but you are pushing it with your flower comment.

Brandon: What was all of that about anyways? Did you molest his sheep? Steal his chickens? Rape his wife-daughter?

RM: Well, not exactly. But his daughter is fucking sexy as hell. Well, Billy Bob John Joey busted in on me, his daughter mid, uh, stroke, and well, you seem to know the rest. Why are we here in the boondocks anyways?

Brandon: You have another match in Richmond next week. So, with you wanting to get away from Jersey as quick as possible, we needed to come down here.

RM: Here we go, not giving RM Strong his just due, and not giving him a damn week off. Who is it this week? Psycho Ninja? Micheal Daniels? Amy? I mean, who else can they throw at me?

Brandon: Cain....

RM: Wait... WHAT? You mean, CAIN, as in, ALEX CAIN?! I wonder if Angel will come to the ring with him... Mmmmm Angel....

*RM starts fading off, his eyes glossing over, apparently thinking about Angel. He licks his lips, just looking at the moon which is now coming up. After a few minutes of this, Brandon speaks up*

Brandon: You know, we should probably get out of here before that inbred...... oh fuck it, here he comes anyways

*Just as he says it, the redneck comes back out of the woods. He notices that RM and Brandon are standing there and pulls his shotgun up, pointing it at the two of them. RM wimpers slightly*

Redneck: Don't ya'll move a muscle. If any one of you as much as twitches, I'll blow a hole in you.

Brandon: Shit... Sir, I have nothing to do with this.

Redneck: You're here, and you're talking to that there guy, and he violated my pretty little princess. So, we're gonna go back to my place, back yonder, and we're gonna have a little wedding...

Brandon: Oh, a wedding. RM, can I be your best man...

*RM doesn't say a word, he just stands there, like a deer in headlights. He hasn't moved since the man said not to move. Not a shake, not a shiver, it doesn't even look like he's breathing. The redneck walks up to him, pushing him with the shotgun. Brandon follows the two through the woods. The camera can barely make out anything, the light is so bad. The redneck knows his way through, but RM has run into a couple of trees and spider webs as he makes his way through. Finally they make it through the woods, when you walk out, you see a heavy set woman. Brandon starts laughing*

Brandon: Really RM? Thats the "fucking hot" farmers daughter that you were going on about?

RM: I swear to god, in the dark, she was hot. Not so sure no....

*Suddenly the redneck comes up, hitting RM with the but of his shotgun in the temple. Strong falls hard, not moving on the ground. You hear the heavy set girl squeal with delight. The redneck turns to Brandon, grabbing the camera. It goes to static and cuts off. When the camera comes back, there is a dimly lit room. The camera spans around, and finally RM comes into view. He is wearing an old, dirty, wrinkled suit, which is too small for him. The pants legs ride half way up his calves. The arms are way too tight, his muscles almost ripping them. RM looks really pissed off as he looks around the room, not seeing anything. He tries to break his arms loose, and his feet, rocking the chair, but nothing happens*

RM: Ok, this is starting to get ridiculous. I've been arrested, got in a fight with a midget, and now I'm being held captive by some crazed redneck that wants me to marry his fat heifer of a daughter? I'm honestly starting to feel like this isn't real life....

Brandon: What do you mean by that man?

RM: Well, anymore, its just starting to seem like some one is writing all this shit... and if that's true, than that person is fucked up.

*Brandon doesn't say anything. Actually, there is no sound other than a cricket chirping. *

RM: Ok, three thing are pissing me off. One, that I am tied to this chair. Why the hell aren't you helping me?

Brandon: Because it is so much more fun hearing you bitch and complain! I'm tied up too you dumb bastard. Do you really think I like sitting here, listening to you complain about everything. Dammit, I'm getting sick of you.

RM: Ok, reverse here, where's all this coming from Brittney? Why such the hostility?

Brandon: WHY?! Really, you have to fucking ask that? Ok, lets go down the list. You never, NEVER use my god damn name. You make constant jokes at my expense. You never thank me for following your dumb ass around. And fuck man, you pay me fucking minimum wage. And I had to beg you to pay me that. So, really, Robert, what is the god damn problem?

*RM just stares blankly at Brandon. Apparently, for the first time in his life, at a loss for words. He blinks*

RM: Are you finished having a temper tantrum? I was talking, and you just HAD to go off like that. Seriously, that was like what a five year old would have done.

Brandon: Ok, I swear to God... If I get out of this shit hole alive, with all my teeth, and not married to the family pet, I'm quitting. You will have to find yourself a brand new camera man. I'm done.

RM: NO NO NO! Don't leave me Brandon. I swear, I'll change. I'll do whatever you want. I need you here, I need you by my side. Without you, I would be nothing. You've been my rock for these last few weeks. The ying to my yang. I swear, if you stay, I'll do anything to make everything alright. Please Brandon, I am so damn sorry.

Brandon: Sometimes, my friend, sorry just doesn't cut it. You have to prove yourself, and you have to show me that you won't do it anymore. By the way, you're sounding like a little bitch. I'm quite enjoying it.

RM: yea, keep your face shut. Now, we need to figure out how to get me out of this damn situation, BRANDON.I have the biggest match of my career. Not that it matters or anything. But still, the chance to beat the ass of the living legend, the icon, the massive beast of man muscle, man that isn't something that I can just, take lightly.

Brandon: Well of course you can't take this easy, he just won Golden Intentions, and destroyed Noah Sweet on Massacre. This isn't just some other guy man, this is the big dog.

RM: Maybe his bark is worse than his bite. But, believe me, big dogs can still be beat. It's happened before, and I'm sure it will happen again.

Brandon: Man, don't get too confident. Because if you lose, you might come crying to me, and I don't wanna deal with that. So just relax on all that.

RM: Yea yea, I know the whole drill. If I talk too much shit, if I run my mouth too much, he'll come here and beat my ass. Blah blah blah. Look, its as simple as this. I'm going out there, if I make it, and I'm going to throw everything I have at Cain. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. It won't be the first time in my life I've had my ass handed to me. Before I can even focus on any of that though, I need to get out of this shit. I don't want to be married to that she-beast. She'll eat me alive, not fun.

*There is a rustling coming from the upstairs, RM gets a real nervous look on his face. You hear the tell tale sound of heavy feet coming down the steps. You see RM start to breath hard. The camera quickly turns, where you see the large woman from before come walking it. RM screams a little as she walks up to him, rubbing his face with her dirty hand*

Woman: Baby, we are gonna be so happy. And I think I'm carrying your baby. I can't wait, just a little bit longer, and we'll be together forever. Just me and you. No one can come between us, ever.

RM: Bitch, you better get your grubby little paws off of me. I am NOT marrying you. And, we didn't even have sex, you can't be carrying my baby. You need to get your fucking head checked out, because this isn't funny. You're family is full of crazy people. You need to realize, there is nothing between us. And there never will be!

Woman: Sweetie, I know you're nervous, its ok. I understand. You don't have to be afraid. We shared a great moment together, and for the rest of our lives, we will make great moments every day.

RM: The only thing I'm afraid of is that you're going to eat me. Not cool. Look, King Kong, we had no moment, we are going to have no moments. What happened, that was a mistake... Just like when you're parents had sex, and you popped out. So you need to calm the hell down, and move your chunky ass away from me.

Woman: Just a little bit longer, baby, and everyone will be here. It's almost time for the wedding, I can't wait for the honeymoon.

*The woman leans down, kissing RM on the lips for what seems like an hour. You can hear Brandon chuckling behind the camera. The woman stomps going up the stairs, as the old wooden steps basically scream for help under her tremendous girth. RM is spitting and gagging, almost actually puking. Brandon is still laughing*

Brandon: I think she likes you man, get you some!

RM: Shut the fuck up. We NEED to get out of here before they come and put me in a life of servitude to that over grown Paris Hilton. You gotta think of something. Come on Brandon, I know you're smart.

Brandon: Ummm. Lets see. You could shit your pants... But, that might turn her on. Umm, suicide? Yea, suicide, that's you're only option man. Its your only way out. So, lets get to it.

RM: I am not going to kill myself, I have too much to live for.

Brandon: What, exactly, do you have to live for, RM? I mean really. You have a giant beast of a woman trying to marry you. Her father is threatening to kill you. I think her brother gave you the "i want you" eye earlier. So, really, tell me, what do you have to live for?

RM: I'm still not killing myself, I will find a way out of here. We just need to put our heads together.

Brandon: Sorry dude, but I'm not touching you until you get tested. There is no clue what that chick had, and she just mouth raped you. So, you can touch your own head, count me out.

*RM glares at Brandon, who is still chuckling, finding a sick pleasure in all of this. They sit there in silence, RM bobbing his head back and forth. The door from upstairs opens again, light shining down the stairway.*

RM: You'd think the stairway to hell would be pointed down....

*Foot steps start making their way down. The old redneck makes his way into the old dusty basement. He's still carrying his shot gun as he walks over to RM. He looks down at him, resting the barrel of the shot gun against his chest.*

Redneck: Now boy, if I untie you, are you going to run, or am I going to have to have Jim-Bob come down here and carry you up, chair and all?

RM: No, I'm not going to run... What are you, fucking stupid? Of course I'm going to run. I don't want to be married to the creature from the black lagoon. So you better have Jim-Bob, Bubba, Marky, and Bertha come down here and carry me, because I'm not going.

*The redneck whistles. A few seconds later, foot steps start coming down. These ones heavier and louder than the woman's from before. A very large man, probably six hundred pounds, damn near seven foot tall, walks in. He looks at the redneck, then at Brandon, then at RM. He reaches down, grabbing RM, who isn't a small man by any means, under his arm, carrying him upstairs. The redneck starts to untie Brandon. Brandon quickly jumps up, following Jim-Bob and RM up the stairs. The large man is carrying RM outside. Brandon follows, almost running through the house. When he gets outside, he stops. There are about a hundred people, all of them back woods, carrying guns. You see what looks like a preacher up front, he's wearing camo, has tobacco spit dripping down his mouth, and a cigarette between his lips. The large man sets RM down next to the preacher. RM looks scared for his life. The camera spans around. There are about five people standing to the side, each one holding a jug in their hands. Brandon walks over to RM*

Brandon: Dude, I think its too late, I'm pretty sure you're getting married.

RM: No way, not gonna happen. Not if I have anything to say about it. The only person I want to be with is Angel, and if these people have my way, I'm going the only part of their family tree that branches out.

Brandon: Ok, seriously, if you keep talking about Angel like that, I'm fairly certain that Cain is going to rip your head off. Besides, shouldn't you be getting ready to say "I Do"?

RM: Ok, really, you need to stop with all that shit and help me out. I don't care what Cain thinks about any of it. Angel is hot. Super hot. And I want to tie her to a chair.... But not like these people are doing to me. Besides, whats the worse that he can do to me? Oh no, he's going to pin me.

Brandon: Ok, you realize that if he does pin you, than you won't make as much money? So, the less you piss him off, the less he's going to beat on you. But, I don't even believe you're going to make it to the match, so, go ahead, say what you want, it won't matter in the long run anyways.

RM: Ok, seriously, you are free, why can't you just untie me, and we will take off, be done with it all. I know we have to be faster than these idiots. Half of them don't have all their toes, some have extra. Just, come on, untie me Brandon.

Brandon: Sorry man, but I can't do it. You think they aren't watching me? They are, and I don't want the wrath of the cast of The Hills Have Eyes. So no, RM, I am NOT letting you loose. You are going to have to figure this out on your own.

*RM huffs, as the older redneck comes up to him. He starts to untie RM, who wiggles away, trying to run. He runs into Jim-Bob, hits him like hitting a wall, bouncing back, and falling on his ass. RM looks up at the large man. He blinks a couple of times, then shakes his head, standing back up. He frowns and walks over to the redneck*

RM: Is there any way that I could get out of this? I'll pay, I'll do anything you want. I just cannot marry your daughter. Have you seen her recently? She looks like she ate her last husband. Please, sir, just let me go.

Redneck: No way, I am not going to break my little princesses heart. Your gonna be her husband, and my new son. And if you try to run, I will shoot you like a coon in my trash can. Understand boy?

RM: I understand that I have a wrestling match to get to, and you are really causing me a big problem. So, you are going to let me go, or I will make your life a living hell.

Redneck: Well, howdy, we have a famous person here. And boys, I think he is threatening me. Now listen to me, boy. You have no choice in this thing. My baby wants you, and she's going to have you. I get that you have a problem with it, well, I don't. What baby wants, is what baby gets. Right now, that's you.

*You hear a wolf howl in the background. RM's head snaps up, looking at the moon, then back at the Redneck*

RM: Uh oh, I think John Matthews is here. I think he's the one that got your baby girl knocked up. Why don't you go find him, I swear, me and Brandon will sit here and wait.

Redneck: No....

RM: Fuck it....

*RM shrugs, and runs over to Baby. He plants a hard kiss on her, and gropes her. The whole family gasps as he does this. She is trying to push him away, but RM keeps going at it. Brandon almost drops the camera he is laughing so hard. RM finally pulls away, looks around, and spits the woman's tobacco out of his mouth. He winks at the farmer, and takes off running. Brandon is trying to follow him, as he runs in zig zags. The family begins to chase after him, but he is obviously too fast for him. The camera turns around, back to the alter. Baby is crying, and the redneck is comforting her. He walks into the woods*

Brandon: RM! RM! They didn't follow. Where are you man. We gotta get out of here. ROBERT!!!

RM: Psst... up here dude. They didn't follow?

*The camera spans up, to see RM hiding in a tree. He's looking like a crack head as he looks around. *

Brandon: Yea, you're fine, get out of there. We HAVE to get going if we're going to make it to Virginia in time.

*RM jumps out of the tree. Once again dusting himself off. He stops in front of the camera, looking at Brandon*

RM: Look man, I really am sorry about the way I've been treating you. When we get to the show, I'll talk to the boss about getting you a raise. Besides, with all the money I've been making lately, it shouldn't be a problem.

Brandon: Don't worry about it, you have other stuff to worry about right now, like Cain. So, lets just get out of here.

*RM starts to walk away. He snaps back around.*

RM: Hey, I wonder if Angel got her poem at Golden Intentions... I'll have to ask her...

*RM grins, and continues walking through the woods as the camera fades to black*