Ryan is dearly missed by Mommy and Daddy; Gram and Granddad; Grandma and Grandpa; Uncle Bill and cousins Dale, Zachary, and Emily; Aunt Lora and Uncle Michael; Aunt Lisa and Uncle Rick and Cousins Colin and Tyler
R.J'S Story
My husband and I decided that it was time to start "trying", so we started "trying" in 2003. After a year with no success and countless visits to the doctor, he decided that it was time for me to go on fertility pills. I was devastated!!! He actually said the word "infertility". You see, I have always been one of those girls that has said I wanted a husband and children. I told my Mom when I was an 18 yr. old senior in high school that I was ready to get married and have kids! She thought I was nuts, and that is was just a phase. But it wasn't.!! My doctor gave me a prescription for 3 months worth of the lowest dosage because he didn't want to over do it just in case. The first and second months came and went with nothing to show for it. And then, the third month came and I was 3 days late!!! I was way too nervous to call my doctor for fear that he would tell me no AGAIN, so I waited until I was 6 days late to call. I went on my lunch hour for my millionth blood test. I waited and waited and waited. Then my doctor's nurse and I kept playing phone tag. It was toward the end of the day, so I gave her my cell phone number to call after work hours. I got home at 5 minutes after 5 that day on Jan. 5, 2004. There was 2 messages flashing on my answering machine. I couldn't tell you what the first one was, but the second one was Susan, my dr's nurse with good news!!! I started crying and jumping up and down and screaming. I didn't want to call my husband because I knew he was only a few minutes behind me..
I heard the garage door go up and I started crying hysterically waiting for Ryan to come in the door. I, of course, was crying when he walked in. He assumed it was another negative answer, but this time I shook my head yes!! His mouth dropped to the floor!! And we just hugged for several minutes!! Then I told him to hurry up and shower so we could go tell our parents. We told my parents first because they live closer!! I didn't say one word to them when I walked into their house. I just stood beside my Mom's chair that she was sitting in the kitchen. She knew immediately!! We hugged, screamed, and jumped around. Then we drove to my in law's house. After we told them, we called my big brother to tell him he was going to be an uncle for the first time!!Then Ryan's two sisters and everybody else soon followed!!!
My pregnancy was a breeze. I had no morning sickness or weight gain whatsoever for the first 5 months! In fact, I lost weight because I stopped eating chocolate and drinking soda. I didn't gain anything until my 5 month check up.
Two days later my world crashed around me! I got up on the morning of April 24, two days after my 5 month check up, and had to go to the bathroom. Imagine that, a pregnant woman having to pee!!! I had some spotting. I started to freak out because I was home alone since my husband had to be at work early that day. I called him on the cell phone to let him know what was going on. I called the emergency number at the doctor's office. My doctor just happened to be the one on call. He put my mind at ease a little after asking a few questions. But he still wanted to see me. I called my mom just to hear her voice. She asked if I wanted her to come get me. I told her no because of what Dr. Saint had told me. I was a little calmer. I drove myslef the 20 mile trip. Did I mention I was going about 80 mph the whole way!! When I got there, I started to really panic so I called my mother in law who works in another part of the hospital where my doctor is. She came to be with me. When I was finally called back, which seemed like forever, when it was only a few minutes, the bleeding had gotten worse. I was examined and told I had gone into labor and was dilated. I was sent to the labor and delivery floor. By that time, my husband and our families were already there, or on their way. I was hooked up to all the monitors. The nurse asked me if I could feel anything because I was having contractions 3-4 minutes apart; which I was not feeling. It was later determined that my bag of water was coming out, but it was still completely intact. So they reverted to an old remedy of flipping the bed upside down, where my lower body was higher than my head. They were trying to let gravity take over and force the bag back where it belonged so they could stitch my cervix for the remainder of my pregnancy. Unfortunately, my water broke in the middle of the night the next day. We called our parents back to the hospital. My nurse that night, Billie, turned on the warmer because we were expecting to have a baby within hours. Nothing happened! After several hours, my contractions and bleeding had totally stopped!! I was moved to the antelabor unit for the long hall...I couldn't go any further than a few steps to a commode that was brought in for me. The doctors were even amazed and optomistic that I was still there following the weekend...
We had a tour of the NICU set up for the evening of April 29 because we'd be spending a lot of time there! But we never made it!! We had a special sonogram done to find out just how much fluid, if any, I had left. We asked our parents to come with us so they could at least see him (at this time we didn't know the sex.) There was only room for 2 people in the room with me, so Daddy and Gram(my mom) came in with me. I started to have full force contractions while in there. So I was rushed back to L&D. Ryan Allan "R.J." Gruber, Jr. was born at 2:50 pm on April 29, 2004, weighing in at 14.4 oz. and was 10.5 inches long. My Mom noticed that he had a crooked pinky on his left hand just like she does. My crooked pinky is on the right hand. He died in my arms a few short minutes later. He was baptized by our pastor wth my parents, Gram and Granddad; my husband's parents, Grandma and Grandpa; his Uncle Bill, my brother; Aunt Lora and Aunt Lisa, Ryan Sr's sisters; Uncle Michael, Lora's husband, and Uncle Ricky, Lisa's husband, by our side. He's buried as close to my Grandma Bearden, my Mom's mom, as possible. I can just see them up there having a blast!! R.J.is her first great grandchild that she has got to spoil! She died just 10 days before my 3rd birthday.
I am grateful for the time, although it was short, that I had with my first born. He made me what I've always dreamed of being---A MOM!!!!!!!!!
You're Not Alone Tonight by Keith Urban
We all drink to forget
Some of us more than most
When reality gets too real
And the fires of hell too close
But I'm here to let you know that
you can make it through
If you believe that someone's watchin' over you.
Chorus:
Call it an angel
Call it a muse
And call it karma that you've got comin' to you
What's the difference
What's in a name
What matters most is never ever losin' faith
'Cause it's gonna be alright
you're not alone tonight..
We all have our days
When nothing goes as planned
Not a soul in the world
Seems to understand
And for someone to talk to
You'd give anything
Well go on and cry out loud
'Cause someone's listenin'
Keep your faith alive
you're not the only one
(Repeat Chorus)
Oh, you can cry if you want to, go on
You're not alone tonight.
With Arms Wide Open by Creed
Well I just heard the news today
It seems my life is going to change
I closed my eyes, began to pray
Then tears of joy stream down my face..
With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open..
Well I don't know if I'm ready
I'll take a breath, take her by my side
We stand is awe, we've created life..
With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
Now everything has changed
I'll show you love
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open..
If I had just one wish
Only one demand
I hope he's not like me
I hope he understands
That he can take this life
And hold it by the hand
And he can greet the world
With arms wide open.....
 
Memorials by Martha
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